Mavash.

Last I heard mine is still chasing hot women and has yet to settle down. Turns out he's an overgrown child and I didn't figure that out until we were halfway through college. He dropped out of college and started sleeping all day and working very little. Talk about annoying.

But at 18? Oh yeah we very IN LOVE and had I married him we'd be very DIVORCED too.

Met the love of my life at age 24.

Mavash.

Oh here's another one. One of my friends married at 17. They are still together but he too is an overgrown child now. He's addicted to porn, barely works, is depressed and now SHE'S depressed.

She really should have waited but won't leave him because she is highly religious.

My parents married at 17 and they are still together but my dad turned out to be an ass. That didn't show up until he was close to 30.

All in love stories but of people had they waited would NOT have married their current spouses.

Lavender&Lace

I was married at age 18. I'm now 35 and neither myself nor my husband are the same people we were back then. We were just kids. I didn't feel like a kid back then, and I know it's patronizing to be told at 18 that "you're just a kid" but I wished I had listened to my parents and not gone behind their backs and did it anyway. My life has been so rough over the last 16 years you would even believe...

Lydia

Why do you feel rushed to get married at 18? Are you planning to have children right away? Are you planning on buying a house? Is he joining the military?

I just don't see WHY you feel the need to get married so soon, even if you feel you've met the love of your life.

I dated a guy through high school and into college. We broke up after 5 years when I was 21 because we changed. I am glad that we didn't get married, even though we came close to it. I can't imagine being married to someone like him (not that he was a bad person, just can't imagine it).

I personally feel that given your age, and the amount of time you have been dating (1 year? I dated my husband for 4 before we said "I do") I would hold off. There shouldn't be a big rush to get married, I honestly don't see why you feel such an urge to get married so young.

__________________
*Lydia

anotherguy

P.S...

Also....Complete your education first.
Posted via Mobile Device

kittykat09

I knew I had met my soulmate in high school, and I would have married him in a heartbeat when we turned 18. Hell, I would have married him *before* I graduated from high school. No second thoughts, no doubts, nothing. He was my world.

When we went to college he pretty much went off the deep end, became resentful of me for trying to keep him even somewhat in check (we're talking trying to keep him from drinking and sleeping around), emotionally abused me, cheated on me with guys and girls, and finally left me when I couldn't bring myself to give up on getting him to change.

People change and some people think college is time to go crazy and be irresponsible or else they have "missed out." Some people make it, most don't.

It is an *incredibly* terrible idea to marry that young. I completely understand why it seems right, but if it *is* right then it can wait. If you are worried that waiting might cause it to end, well... there is your answer. Marriage does not make someone less likely to change and leave.

monicagrace27

To anyone asking if we are wanting to get married because we are planning on getting pregnant soon or anything, no. That is not the case. Neither of us is or ever has been sexually active.

It seems that when I read all of the negative stories that many of you have related to me, I feel that I should wait, but reading stories of successful marriages at my age makes me feel like we could do the same. I am keeping in mind though that every teenager believes that they are "different," and I realize that may not be the case for me.

At the same time, I feel like he and I are both mature for our age. I'm not sure which side to believe.

But my boyfriend, Jess, is much more mature that many men my age. Right now, he is currently the lead guitarist in an 80's metal band that is becoming very popular and possibly touring this summer. He is also has a gpa of 4.0, recieved a 35 on the ACT, and is the top student of my grade. Although intelligence does not measure maturity by any means, he is more focused on his education than anything. Also, I should mention that neither he or I do drugs, smoke cigarettes, or drink and neither of us ever have. Again, I am not sure that this makes a difference.

The input everyone has gives is very helpful to me, though, and is really making me think hard about this, so thank you to anyone who has responded. A decision like this is something that I really want to think about deeply.

kittykat09

I honestly don't mean to offend when I say this- the fact that you bring up GPA, ACT scores and being in a band as examples of maturity shows that you guys are not mature enough at this point. As soon as you get into a school, your high school GPA and ACT scores mean nothing to anyone, ever. Also, some people who were studious in high school end up feeling like they will "miss out" on life if they don't party in college.

You sound smart, and you probably really *are* mature for your age. The problem is that you don't understand yet how much people change during the next few years of their lives. It sounds like a cliche, but it really is true. I know I sound like an old fart and I feel like I've aged decades over the last 8 years since I graduated from high school but I'm only 25.

COguy

The better question is, why are you guys wanting to get married? What is the driving force for this kind of committment? What is pushing you to get married instead of just continue dating or engagement for a few years?

monicagrace27

I just wanted to point out that in my post, I did say that I know that intelligence does not measure maturity by any means. That wasn't what I was saying this for. I was mostly trying to give anyone an Idea of the kind of person he is.

But I do see your point, grades and act scores will not have an impact after starting university.

I realize that we both will change, also, many people on here have said that and I do see it in real life. Perhaps I am just naive in hoping that we will grow together, not apart, but that is what I hope.

kittykat09

First, I know you said that you know it doesn't measure intelligence or maturity, it was just that it was brought up at all. Like I said, I 100% meant it in an effort to help and not at all to bash you.

I don't think you are stupid for wanting to get married, nor do I think your love itself is immature in any way. The heart wants what the heart wants, and sometimes we find the right person at a young age.

The question becomes: will both of you work on the relationship equally over the coming years? Because if either of you becomes lax, it won't work. It is sad, but that is the reality of it, and with so many distractions and growing opportunities coming up left and right it is extremely hard for people to stay equally focused.

I do wish you the best, whatever you end up doing. I think you should wait but it isn't my decision to make, obviously.

Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Well, I was an aeromedical technician EMT-A and drove an ambulance on a flight line with fighter jets taking off and landing (not always in top condition, hence the ambulance) at age 18. I also ran a personnel reliability program, which meant assessing the mental health and stability of fighter pilots, parachute packers, bomb detonator and recovery (explosive ordinance people), and air traffic controllers. On top of that I was ready to mobilize at a moment's notice. I drove the ambulance every day and kept it ready, knew how to use the radio on the flight line, saved several lives and moonlighted in a local regional medical center. I assisted with open cardiac massage once, and was instrumental in several 'code blues' that ended successfully, and many that did not. I was homeless, with out family as they had been psychotic and raped me and molested me as a child. I sought outside help on my own and made decisions that led me to get a full active duty scholarship for my education, then I became an officer at age 21. At no time did I decide that I wanted to marry. It was not my choice. But if someone says they want to be married to their best friend and they are 18, I am not going to say it's dumb, because I know what I was doing at age 18 and how responsible and level headed I was and how many older adults relied on me, even for the care of their children when they themselves were having a rough time. I had to assist and 'turn in' many people with mental health and family problems, people like emergency room doctors, even.

I think it's bunk that kids at 18 don't have level heads. If they don't it's because adults who don't think they are capable send these messages to them and I believe you get what you expect. If you expect your kid to be irresponsible and not be able to make decisions, they will pick up on that and turn into that kind of person. My daughter is 8 and she's very emotionally stable, able to express herself and to talk about her friends issues and to relate things about her teacher's home life and to support me positively when I was in crisis the first night after my boyfriend had a brain hemorrhage.

I don't know why people equate physical maturity in terms of brain development or hormones with spiritual development and emotional maturity. These last two things everyone is born with and is perfectly formed, it's the human experience that degrades them to the point where there is damage that then needs to be recovered through this 'maturation process'. I still think that this young woman is spiritually and emotionally intact and that it would be an okay decision to marry, just as what I did when I was 18, taking on responsibility for so many strangers' lives (and being a nanny for two children and caregiver for their parents when I was in my late teens and early 20's).

Homemaker_Numero_Uno

My son and his girlfriend met when they went to college in their freshman year, they have been together since then and will likely get married. My son has been a functioning adult since he graduated from high school, I cut the apron strings and that was that and he was prepared. I don't see the need for him to date around, he doesn't either, and neither does his girlfriend or her parents. There is nothing wrong with knowing who you are attracted to and trusting your judgement if it's good. My son has taken steps to be fiscally responsible for his day to day expenses and also his college expenses after scholarships and student loans, work study and grants. He is in the National Guard and he has plans to go to graduate school after 4 year college. It never occured to me to tell him to date around, he has always had friends that are girls so it's not like he needs to know more about the opposite sex, he had several good relationships in high school and remains friendly with the young women but also has established healthy boundaries with them. So what exactly is the issue with getting married young? I just don't see it. It's based on some assumption of not knowing your heart. But if we have a young piano player who plays with feeling or a young actress who is gifted or a student who solves a big scientific problem we commend young genius, who is to say there are not young people who have genius in their hearts? Who are at peace with the world and with themselves. Not everyone has to find themselves, some people are themselves, there is nothing to 'find' but just life to live, one day at a time. They do not experience all this trauma that leads to bad decisions about relationships. They know what is good and what feels right and probably know what feels wrong too.

alone_not_lonely

It's really not about what society is thinking, darl When it comes down to it, society thinks a lot of things, but isn't always on the mark. Instead of looking at it as a 'society' thing, look at each opinion from each person you speak to and ask whether you think these people would really try to give you advice to screw you over. Even though this may be the main view held by society, I still think that the people who are telling you to wait do so only because no one wants to see you in a position where it could possibly lead to heartbreak for you (I'm not saying it definitely will, but these things tend to be more than likely).

Eighteen is still so very young. Hell, I think that 50 is still young. It doesn't mean people shouldn't get married at that age, and people who are commenting here are in a position where they are older, and have had more experience come with age. Some people get married that young, and it works fine for them. But the vast majority doesn't work out so well.

You sound like a smart chick, but you have so much to do in life yet. Try not to see marriage as one of those boxes that should be ticked off, and enjoy time with your partner. If you feel the commitment is that deeply forged, what is a lack of a piece of paper gonna do for the moment to break that? Experience each other so fully before doing the marriage thing. If it's so important to the both of you, I am sure it should not be a problem to wait a little longer in a committed relationship. After all marriage is just an extension of a truly committed relationship.

Best of luck!

COguy

You can and will grow together, if you focus on it in your relationship. You don't need marriage for that. What we are letting you know is that there may be fundamental changes that will make you WANT to part ways, amicably.

It's really easy after a few years of marriage to start resenting your partner for making you feel stuck when you wanted to achieve something. For example, let's say you both become marine biologists, he gets an opportunity in the Galapagos and at the same time you get one in Australia. Dream jobs for both of you, who gets the shaft?