We just had a romantic getaway to try and work on sex issues as my wife has lost a good bit of her sensataion with sex and has stopped having orgasims, thus leading to lack of sexual desire.
While talking many things sexual, she informed me, after 22 years of marriage, that he, her one and only BF prior to me from 25 years ago measured in at 13", twice my size. Quote - "It took some getting used to you." All said matter of factly. But to me it sounded like she was saying she downgraded in going to me. She didn't use those words. I didn't ask for that info and I wasn't lookiing for it. It just came out while she was "checking me out."
One time before while trying to do a certain position she had said that she was able to do it with the BF but that it was probably because he was bigger than me. There was no mention of size then.
I'm now having a hard time getting past this. Do I just need to suck it up and know that it was prior to me, and I'm the one she married. Or am I right in being bothered by this. I keep thinking that what she said will now be in my head the remainder of our marraige and certainly any time I'm being inspected. Sucks.
What a horrible, infantile, gutteral, and disrespectful thing to say. Did you mention that her saggy boobs just didnt do it for you like they used to?
All during a romantic getaway...
I am one of the "walked away from" spouses that took that kind of sh!t on a daily basis, whether it be by complete ignorance, or purposeful derision, I think you should show her how size doesnt matter.
N, I didn't critisize her at all. In fact she want asked me about my ex's breast and said surely they must have been bigger than my wife's. But I told her I would not go there. My wife seem to have more of a filter problem, or lack of a proper filter, as we age. She has never done this before in making a comparsion like that. But this one definitely hurts.
That's eaxactly what I said, and then she said it was 10 or 13 and that she would ask her sister's husband, since apparently they reported the size to him right after they came out of the room measuring it. Either way, a number of inches larger than what she has now. I asked he not to ask the brother-in-law; but knowing her, she probably will.
Yea, that chart seems good. 13 is wrong, unless she measured it...but my first was 9 and my hubs is 9...and that's huge and took getting used to because it can hurt.
Was that TMI? Sorry...I just get irritated when people compare their mates to exes. If the ex was so good, then why is it an ex?
The last three references attributed to a woman to a man's size on this forum that I have seen over the past week or so are in order:
10, 12+ and now 13. Either the world is now dominated by guys with nearly a foot or more in size, there is some fantasy going on or these women have no idea ow big anything is. perhaps their husbands have told them they are 8 and they are only really 4 so the women are using that as a reference. Or maybe juts a lot of porn watching is going on. One of those references was from an eye witness. Two were heresay.
Now as to your situation. Was this part of her way of telling you she is still sexual? Was this part of a fantasy discussion to spice things up? Was she trying to say she no longer has orgasms because she needs a foot plus inside her? It is not like she said her BF was 8 or 9, instead it was double your size. Or maybe she was saying that she enjoyed the visual stimulus to get ready for sex. Was she hinting ot using some larger toys int eh bedroom? Was she hinting at lookig up the BF? Was she hinting at a threesome or open marriage? Was this just a very off the wall comment with no follow up?
One more point. I'm probably at the upper end of average. I know my wife has had bigger because we were friends before lovers and she had shared some of her history.
But heres the thing. I have had 10 yrs to learn her. I can make her c-um in 2 minutes. I can do it repeatedly. I know exactly what she likes and dislikes. And I'm still learning new buttons all the time.
I have also had thinner girls, with bigger boobs, that did kinkier things.
But neither of us have have had better sex than we have now. We know each other, we enjoy each other.
I LOVE HER. And I like most everything about HER because it's HER.
But heres the thing. I have had 10 yrs to learn her. I can make her c-um in 2 minutes. I can do it repeatedly. I know exactly what she likes and dislikes. And I'm still learning new buttons all the time.
... an EXCELLENT point. It isn't just that Carol loves the guy she's with but secretly pines for some previous gig. As you say, I've spent 15 years learning her body and I am very, very good at it... and getting better all the time. She readily acknowledges and relishes the fact that I can play her body like the proverbial violin. Even when considered in the purely carnal measures, I don't find it hard to be gracious from the winner's podium.
AND, I hardly think I'm some sort of sexual virtuoso. My general understanding is that this is what happens when love and time have a chance to work.
Ok, this whole story sounds like these people are teenagers....
It just makes men insecure with the issue of size, we women keep saying it doesn't matter (and it doesn't), and then a few nasty women come out of the wood work and mess men up again....grrrr
Wow. This thread is really bothering me. I, like your wife, married a man much smaller than my previous BF. I had a miserable sex life with my ex-bf because it was wretchedly painful (and boring - when it's too big there's very little you can do) and absolutely unsatisfying. For many women, and I say this in total honesty and sincerity, big size is only good for looking at. The painful sex was actually one of the reasons that that relationship was doomed. I hope my ex-bf someday finds a woman who is appropriately matched to him but I am pretty sure he never dated anyone after we broke up.
My H on the other hand, well I chose to marry him because he is perfect for me (including size and everything else about sex but also the rest of life) and I wouldn't change *anything* about him - especially in that area. And no matter how pissed I might be about whatever, if I ever threw size in his face (comparing to past bf or not) I hope he'd kick my a$$ out the door because that is just a total lack of respect, and a wife should never speak to her husband that way (nor vice versa of course, woman are just as prone to body consciousness issues!).
Your wife should recognize first that saying something like that to a normal human male is bound to cause him to feel disrespected at least and likely bad about himself. Whatever her reason in trying to make you feel inadequate ("it took some getting used to you"), she was in the wrong.
13" is a freaking horror movie. If your wife can handle 13" she's probably missing key internal organs. She might want to have that checked out. Incidentally half of 10" or 13" is 5" or 6.5" respectively - both of which are totally normal and plenty big to bring pleasure to a normal human female. For God's sake. Sometimes I just want slap someone.
I can't even bring myself to comment on the "I can't remember how huuuuuge he is, I'll ask my sister's husband to whip out his tape measure!" Just... speechless....
:scratchhead: I think it's just a preference. I was very pleased that Hubs was large. Very pleased.
Again, the point here is the comparison to an ex. That is the heartbreaker. If you love someone, you deal with what they have or don't have or whatever. Average is not 'small'. I just think she's a betch.
Ok this took a different direction than I thought that it would. Here are some facts:
1. The ex bf lives in a different state than where we live, and she has not seen him since we have been together.
2. We never had a no-ex rule. The check-in is a birthday wish and how is the family doing such thing.
3. I only recently informed her that I would have an issue with a friendship, and she asked if she could continue with the annual birthday wishes, and I said yes.
4. I'm shocked that this turned into an absolute barrage of there must be 100% no contact iwth an ex. Although out of respect for her, I have not contacted any ex, even with her telling me it was ok to do so. She doesn't think that it is a respect thing or wrong to be friends with an ex. However, she did agree to not seek a friendship with him.
5. My first reaction was BS, they had no idea about size.
6. They (her and her BF) did apparently measure him and immediatley reported it to the BIL. Of course now, after initially being convinced it was 13, then said it may have been 10. That is a fact that I only just learned and there is nothing that can be done about that.
7. I worry now that for the remainder of our marraige that size information is going to be on my mind every single time during sex.
8. My wife is not an insensitive person, at least most of the time. She just doesn't understand the ramifications of what comes out of her mouth some times, and I don't like the fact that this incident will now always be there for me.
You missed the point of everything that was said. It's not that she's "just sending birthday wishes". She says hurtful things to you, unremorsefully, obviously she is thinking about it, and then she checks up on him and goes fishing to rekindle a friendship. According to your words, he blows her off. Blows her off what? He blows off birthday wishes?
Slap yourself in the face and then reread your post, pretend someone else is writing it and then give that person advice from your outside perspective. You're a doormat bro.
I'm not a believer in contact with exes, I think it's a really bad idea, but to each their own. If my wife was talking about an exes shaft though, and then putting out the fishing lines once a year, I'd put the kibosh on that in like .1 seconds.
I won't read all the replies to this thread...but, I will add my own .02.
Only an abomination of nature would possess a 13 incher. Your wife is full of it.
What is it with people who regress back to their teenaged years? My 16 year old BF had the biggest wang ever...he was fecking HUGE!!! It was the only one I'd ever seen at that point in my life. I'm sure if I went back now to inspect the goods, he'd be quite...average.
What is it with people who regress back to their teenaged years? My 16 year old BF had the biggest wang ever...he was fecking HUGE!!! It was the only one I'd ever seen at that point in my life. I'm sure if I went back now to inspect the goods, he'd be quite...average.
People post on TAM for an issue with their spouse, but when they get answers they don't like or that attacks their partner they always backtrack into defending them. Which is probably natural loyalty, but if you've come here for help, it's for a reason. Everybody here is telling you she should have no contact with her ex. Because she should have no contact with her ex. This isn't some guy off in the distance that is no threat. It sounds like she is thinking about him, way too much. And she compared your sizes, I mean really? You say she's not insensitive, she just doesn't think? Yes, because she's insensitive.
You can either take people's advice, or not. But don't turn a blind eye to what's happening because that might help you for a short while, but it's not going to help you in the long run.
People post on TAM for an issue with their spouse, but when they get answers they don't like or that attacks their partner they always backtrack into defending them. Which is probably natural loyalty, but if you've come here for help, it's for a reason. Everybody here is telling you she should have no contact with her ex. Because she should have no contact with her ex. This isn't some guy off in the distance that is no threat. It sounds like she is thinking about him, way too much. And she compared your sizes, I mean really? You say she's not insensitive, she just doesn't think? Yes, because she's insensitive.
You can either take people's advice, or not. But don't turn a blind eye to what's happening because that might help you for a short while, but it's not going to help you in the long run.
That's true, but I must say, that sometimes the replies are way out there...I've been guilty of becoming annoyed with some of the replies generated by my threads; partly because I felt misunderstood, and partly because of the way they'd jump all over me, trying to make me sound like an idiot. Ever notice how some posters always have the same kind of matter of fact advice and have no trouble telling everyone exactly what to do in any given situation? My question to those people is...what the hell are you doing on here if your marriage is so bloody perfect and you have ALL the answers????
I guess in my experiences, if a guy is more than average then his partner dotes on him to her friends if the opportunity arises. But if he's just average or less then he gets the "it's the motion of the ocean" or "it gets the job done". Man's entire ego is wrapped up in their penis sizes. Personally, I'm average at 5" but I'm also a grower and not a show-er. That's another sore spot that you don't walk around with 5 or 6 inches of penis hanging off you at all times and that it takes getting aroused before anything substantial shows up. Too often you hear the double standard from girls how much they love their husbands big members but in the same sentence say how it doesn't matter really how big you are......as long as your as big as their husband or ex or whatever.
Maybe they can celebrate his birthday together and she can help him "blow" out the candles.
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