He might have a condition like depression or some other. There may be many conditions that he suffers from. None of them are any excuse to verbally, emotionally, and mentally abuse you the way he does.
It doesn't seem you view it as abuse, but that's exactly what it is. And your responses - fear of setting him off, walking on eggshells, doubting yourself, believing or wondering if he's right about you, second guessing yourself, losing who you are as a person, etc. - are direct reaction to living with abuse. They are common responses of an abused person, just as his tongue lashings are common to abusers. People sometimes mistakenly think it's only abuse if he hits you, but that's not true. Many forms of mis/ill treatment fall under abuse and domestic violence. Google "abuse" or "abusive men" or "abusive relationships
" or any similar criteria so you can read and understand what is happening to you.
You can call 211 or the Domestic Violence Hotline for a shelter near you. I know you don't want to hear anyone suggest leaving your husband, but there is really nothing else that can be done, except to stay there and continue taking his abuse, which will escalate and increasingly get worse. Since you don't want to hear that, what you can do right now is call a domestic violence shelter to talk with a counselor. Many dv shelters offer counseling services for free, and most of them conduct group sessions and support groups. You will be able to see how common abuse is and how destructive it is to your self-esteem and your sense of self-worth, and you'll be able to hear the experiences of other women in your same situation.
You don't have to keep taking his verbal, emotional, and psychological battering. That he does is terrible of him. If you keep putting up with it is terrible of you. You need to read as much as you can and talk to a counselor in order to learn what to do when he gets this way. Someone suggested you should stand your ground, but that is very bad advice even though I'm sure that member means well. I have no doubt you've already experienced what happens when you stand up to him. He only gets worse - louder, more aggressive and ferocious, more accusing, more everything. This is the reason you feel run down and run over by him and have lost your spine - because it is not possible to win, or to get a word in edgewise, or even be heard. The more you try, the more he uses your own words against you. No, standing up to him only causes the bad situation to escalate into something he will be unable to control because it becomes increasingly more necessary for him to win and to show how superior he is. This is the reason you need help from professionals. People here may have good intentions, but they are not professionals at this kind of thing. Their good intention to offer you good advice could all too easily get you killed or very badly hurt at the least.
At the same time, you cannot continue to cowtow to him, continue to be abused by him, and continually lose your own sense of self. This is the reason the only thing a woman can do is leave. Although leaving may sound out of the question to you as a solution, the suggestion is not necessarily intended as a final outcome. Normally, leaving serves to wake the man up out of his superior stupor, and he realizes the damage his behavior has caused. Instead of having to leave for good and lose your family structure (which is what you fear most), the greater likelihood is he won't want to lose his family and will then become willing to work on the marriage. He will promise to do everything under the sun, including marriage counseling and not drinking anymore. But, you cannot believe him. The promises will be shallow and insincere and only meant to get his way at the moment. If you return at this time, all the changes he promised will last about two weeks, and then he will gradually return to his old ways. It would be wise to make him commit to all his promises of change by not returning until he has proven sincerity. He has to attended a couple months of individual counseling, AA Meetings, and marriage counseling and fully participate before you agree to come back into the home and resume married life with him.
Additionally, you have to leave for the sake of your children if you have any. The way their father treats their mother is awful for them to witness. Growing up in this environment gives them a false sense of how marriages is supposed to be. If you have boys, they learn to abuse and disrespect women. If you have girls, they learn to tolerate abuse and to have low self-esteem. On top of that, they learn to disrespect their mother because they live in a home where their mother is constantly disrespected.