My husband is assaulting me and I dont know what to do...

A Bit Much · 04-05-2012, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vickstar

Obviously I am aware of the impact it is having on my son - I know that I need to leave, I am scared...

I don't have enough money to do it on my own, and as my son has just started school I don't want to move out of the area. I went to 13 different schools as a child and it is really important to me that this does not happen to my baby.

How can I leave? I'm scared that he will smash up all my stuff and then I will have to replace everything - and of course it will all be my fault. I only have just enough money to pay one weeks rent and bond and then thats me cleaned out...and then what do I do?It's all well and good to have a strong opinion about violence, but unless you have been in the situation, you don't really understand. I am not a victim, and I do not want to hurt my children, or do anymore damage to his.

A Bit Much · 04-05-2012, 03:00 PM

Quote:

My step-brother went through the same thing, minus the physical abuse, with his first wife and she was threatened with kidnapping charges.

Physical abuse changes the entire scenario. All she needs is the police reports to back it up. They're not going to honor a (documented) abusive spouses petition in court, no matter what his claim. As a matter of fact the court could say the child is endangered in the custody of the abusive spouse and require chaperoned visits.

rundown · 04-05-2012, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angel5112

I didn't say get "charged" with abandonment. I said he could claim, in divorce proceedings, that she abandoned the home, the marriage, and half the bills. I guess I could be wrong, but I am only going on things I have personally heard.

If she was to leave, take her child with her, and not allow the husband access to him (unless you are suggesting she allow her physically abusive husband access to her 5yr old) he could call the police and tell them so. If she refused to bring him back she could be charged with kidnapping. My step-brother went through the same thing, minus the physical abuse, with his first wife and she was threatened with kidnapping charges. What rock you are living under? Just because you don't believe it to be true doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Laws vary from state to state. Do you know the laws regarding these situations in all states?

There is such a thing as full custody. Just because it is uncommon doesn't mean it doesn't exist. You are either a fan of extremely over generalized statements, or you actually believe your statements to be absolute truth.

You can only get the kidnapping charge if there is a custody order in place. Until that point, nothing can happen because they have joint custody. She can take him to Timbuktu and nothing will happen witout a court order of custody. If one is not in place it doesn't matter what state you are in, a judge needs to tell you to bring them back. From that point if you dont then you are up for kidnapping.
As far as abandonment in a divorce, unless you are talking about 10 years ago or a prenup in place, only New York and California will lend any weight to it. Google is your friend no matter what rock you live under.

A Bit Much · 04-05-2012, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angel5112

IF she has documented proof of the abuse. According to her, she doesn't. Her best hope would be if she has had repeated hospital visits but they way she describes it, it's just bruises. You can't prove prolonged prior abuse with fading bruises. You need medical records, police reports, and witnesses. We all know how jacked up our judicial system is, especially family court. All her H would have to do is say she is lying and it would become a case of he said/she said.

911.

He needs to be locked up for this crap.

River1977 · 04-05-2012, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angel5112

I didn't say get "charged" with abandonment. I said he could claim, in divorce proceedings, that she abandoned the home, the marriage, and half the bills. I guess I could be wrong, but I am only going on things I have personally heard.

If she was to leave, take her child with her, and not allow the husband access to him (unless you are suggesting she allow her physically abusive husband access to her 5yr old) he could call the police and tell them so. If she refused to bring him back she could be charged with kidnapping. My step-brother went through the same thing, minus the physical abuse, with his first wife and she was threatened with kidnapping charges. What rock you are living under? Just because you don't believe it to be true doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Laws vary from state to state. Do you know the laws regarding these situations in all states?

There is such a thing as full custody. Just because it is uncommon doesn't mean it doesn't exist. You are either a fan of extremely over generalized statements, or you actually believe your statements to be absolute truth.

Is there something wrong with you? You completely manufactured this woman's whole life and circumstance of her leaving her husband. You just totally dreamed it all up because not one bit, not one word of it applies.

And then you twisted my words entirely.....to the point that nothing I actually stated can be found anywhere. I am done trying to explain anything to you. Anything else I say will also get jakked up inside your imagination.

Vickstar · 04-05-2012, 03:22 PM

I just though I would update as I have been sleeping...

Thank you for the kind offer of financial support, if I didn't live on the other side of the world I may very well take you up on the offer.

I have reported to my doctor the last few times that he has assaulted me so that there is a record.

I am still scared to leave, but will be having the final try at a conversation with H today. I am so stiff and sore from yesterday, that I can hardly move my neck.

I am scared. And I don't know if I can do it financially - especially since all of the family expenses are in my name - hence I am liable for them. But it is ultimatum time.

I looked on the internet for a new house yesterday and did a budget. I am about $160 short a week and already work full time, so am unsure how I am going to do it, but I don't have a choice.

BTW cruel to be kind is not working for me. so if anyone out there has some kind advice it would be greatly appreciated - Thank you to those of you who have

rundown · 04-05-2012, 03:24 PM

[QUOTE=Vickstar;663964]

He decided that it was more important on our sons fifth birthday to go and check on his cannabis plants in the bush with his mate QUOTE]

If you really wish to end this all of this, call in an anonymous tip the next time he goes to do this. He goes to prison, you divorce him and get custody.

rundown · 04-05-2012, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vickstar

I just though I would update as I have been sleeping...

Thank you for the kind offer of financial support, if I didn't live on the other side of the world I may very well take you up on the offer.

I have reported to my doctor the last few times that he has assaulted me so that there is a record.

I am still scared to leave, but will be having the final try at a conversation with H today. I am so stiff and sore from yesterday, that I can hardly move my neck.

I am scared. And I don't know if I can do it financially - especially since all of the family expenses are in my name - hence I am liable for them. But it is ultimatum time.

I looked on the internet for a new house yesterday and did a budget. I am about $160 short a week and already work full time, so am unsure how I am going to do it, but I don't have a choice.

BTW cruel to be kind is not working for me. so if anyone out there has some kind advice it would be greatly appreciated - Thank you to those of you who have

Oops, I should have noticed the use of the words "bush" and "mate" to realize you live a bit away.
That being said, good for you. I hope you follow through and wish you and your son the best of luck.

rundown · 04-05-2012, 03:32 PM

I would also suggest you should get a var before you have this talk with him.

Cherry · 04-05-2012, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vickstar

I just though I would update as I have been sleeping...

Thank you for the kind offer of financial support, if I didn't live on the other side of the world I may very well take you up on the offer.

I have reported to my doctor the last few times that he has assaulted me so that there is a record.

I am still scared to leave, but will be having the final try at a conversation with H today. I am so stiff and sore from yesterday, that I can hardly move my neck.

I am scared. And I don't know if I can do it financially - especially since all of the family expenses are in my name - hence I am liable for them. But it is ultimatum time.

I looked on the internet for a new house yesterday and did a budget. I am about $160 short a week and already work full time, so am unsure how I am going to do it, but I don't have a choice.

BTW cruel to be kind is not working for me. so if anyone out there has some kind advice it would be greatly appreciated - Thank you to those of you who have

Okay - Here's what my H did to me -- Called 911 one night after a fight. I got locked up. He went to the station, filed a temp restraining order on me, I could not go back to the house. Once the actual hearing happened (2 weeks later), I was ordered to remain out of the home, I had supervised visits with my children, I was also ordered to pay for the entire daycare for the children and any and all of the utilities that were in my name. The rest is a different story.

You don't have to pay all the bills by yourself. If you are trying to do this without the support of the courts, it will be a struggle.

Quite frankly, I would go the route of trying to get him kicked out of the home.

This is all assuming you live in the US and are governed by our laws?

Vickstar · 04-05-2012, 03:52 PM

Tried talking to him...it's not working.

I am going to get a protection order (which means that if he assaults me again he will be arrested).

I will give him one more opportunity to make things better, while still looking for a new house. due to the fact that he has two kids from another relationship living here it is just easier for me to go - and I would honestly rather have a new place with new energys than live here where everything is angry tension vibes.

All I really need is a hug. From my family. From my friends. From my husband. Basically from anyone. And I can't get one - poor me.

Jeff74 · 04-05-2012, 03:59 PM

Where do you live?

As a practicing attorney here in the u.s. I would be happy to give you specific legal advice/opinions in a pm if this would be helpful. There are many good people here that have responded to your message but some of it is not technically legally correct/precise. Domestic battery and assault are crimes. I wrote this in another MSG but I will say it again here. The united states declaration of independence states that everyone is entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness...and no one has the right to take that away from you. Period. You are not at fault and you are a victim. This situation needs to be rectified immediately. Your life could very well depend on it.
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Cherry · 04-05-2012, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vickstar

Tried talking to him...it's not working.

I am going to get a protection order (which means that if he assaults me again he will be arrested).

I will give him one more opportunity to make things better, while still looking for a new house. due to the fact that he has two kids from another relationship living here it is just easier for me to go - and I would honestly rather have a new place with new energys than live here where everything is angry tension vibes.

All I really need is a hug. From my family. From my friends. From my husband. Basically from anyone. And I can't get one - poor me.

{{{{HUGS}}}}

You are not alone in all this and I like your way of thinking related to the home

mrsamazing · 04-05-2012, 04:27 PM

My kind advice is to tell everyone what you are going through. Forced accountability. Realize that he will NOT change.
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Coffee Amore · 04-05-2012, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff74

Where do you live?

As a practicing attorney here in the u.s. I would be happy to give you specific legal advice/opinions in a pm if this would be helpful. There are many good people here that have responded to your message but some of it is not technically legally correct/precise. Domestic battery and assault are crimes. I wrote this in another MSG but I will say it again here. The united states declaration of independence states that everyone is entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness...and no one has the right to take that away from you. Period. You are not at fault and you are a victim. This situation needs to be rectified immediately. Your life could very well depend on it.
Posted via Mobile Device

That's a great offer, but it doesn't sound like the OP is in the US. She used words like "mates" to refer to friends which makes me think she's in Australia, New Zealand, England or some other country where that term is used for friends.