General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I suspect at seven years the couple has two or three kids very often. The couple has gotten comfortable and do not do couple things as often. Stresses wear them down.
I see sooo many thread thread begin, my wife and I have been married ten years and we have X children. .... She is texting another guy for a little over a year. And of course the reverse gender scenarios.
Seven may be about right but it may take a couple of years for the effects to pull a marriage down.
I also see an alarming number of early marriage issues after a first child. I guess that is to be expected. Then quite a few arounf the 20 year mark.
I wonder also how becoming 30 and 40 impacts folks and their view of their marriage?
People seem to question their lifelong commitment then. I think both male and female seek extra validation at these times. Commonly these mile stones relate to about 7-10 and 15-20 years of marriage for long term marriages. No doubt these numbers have shifted over the past 50 years with more women graduating fron college and having careers compared to their mothers resulting in aving children a tad older.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Good question. It's all about losing interest and passion. Perhaps the human's attention span is only 7 years. I'm curious.
I think that you can. I am at year 13 in my marriage (with almost five years of dating before) and we are better in many ways than at year two or at year seven.
If subscribe to an "evolutionary" model of human behavior, then seven years makes some sense, in that it would bond a couple long enough to have 1-2 children reach an age where round-the-clock care is not required (3-4 years old). I can't remember if that theory was mentioned here or if I read it elsewhere.
Relationships have cycles like all of life. 7 years is a dip in that cycle of love. Its normal and with communication and love can be worked thru like every other part of life.
My first wife began her EA just after our 7th anniversary. We D before the 8th anniversary.
Ironically my second wife proclaimed herself pleased that we "beat" the term of my first marriage (7.5 years), because I'd suggested relationships have 7-year cycles... yet shortly thereafter, in year 8 she entered her own EA and took it somewhat PA. For 2 years, on & off. We are now entering process of D.
I view it as an expression related to human evolution. It takes about 7 years to raise a child to a state where they are capable of most things. The male that stayed/participated that long gave his children a competitive advantage such that the behavior was passed on at a relatively high rate in surviving offspring. That is counterbalanced by the evolutionary advantage of the male moving on to sire more offspring with other women and increase the genetic diversity and traits his children will have - again, promoting the survivability/success of his genetic line. I think this tug of war goes on in most men. 7 years sounds like a compromise. Stay with one woman long enough to ensure the likelihood of a child's survival before moving on and doing the same with someone else.
My ex husband and I had the seven year itch too. I think it's called boredom of the same ol' same ol' but we made it past that.
Then came the 14 year itch...and the same thing..boredom.
We always had a lot of fun together but my ex was always one that wanted new things in his life (including other women). I played dumb and stupid to it for way too long (called denial) until I realized that it was time to end things as I was totally losing myself in the process.
the bottom line was..I DID lose myself in the process as he planted his feet both in our marriage and out of it..fooling around with other women..yet still wanting to be married to the first woman he'd even fallen in love with..along with one of the nicest ones.
One of us had to make a choice and I had to be the one to do it. In the end..it was the easiest divorce ever as my ex IS a nice guy..he just didn't know how to keep his pants on.
With the amount of people married, if you actually did a study at what year couples had separated or had major issues, I think it would be pretty broad and not related to 7 years.
Someone coined the phrase the '7 year itch' so subconciously some people have it in their heads that this is "the year" things get rocky. And sometimes then they do. But it can happen at anytime, in any year.
I think it's just a phrase that has no basis, but one that has wormed it's way into people's thoughts.
...I think it's just a phrase that has no basis, but one that has wormed it's way into people's thoughts.
I think the opposite, I think there is a biological basis for this, wouldn't normally jump to conclusions without seeing a graph of the proportional distribution of marriage longevity, however there seems to be tons of anecdotal evidence... even my own observations in my two LTR's that lasted almost exactly 7 years, during which times I was quite stable and unchanging from the beginning where we had such deep love and appreciation for each other then seeing her feel tugged away longing for something different.
I have googled a little for this kind of statistical info but haven't found anything solid yet... will keep looking when I have time
I haven't graphed it out yet, but just looking at the figures the range of durations is highest in the 5-9 year range, but looking a the individual years looks like, in Canada atleast, the peak years for separation are between 3-5 years, so I guess you are right, there is no seven year itch, but possibly a three year one
7 years into the relationship or the marriage? What is the 'rule'?
yes. good point, considering the stats I pointed out above, and assuming most (young) couples are together a couple years before marriage, that puts the peak duration before separation in the 5-7 year mark. So I'd say the rule applies more to the relationship than just the marriage...
Well, I'm starting to think my estranged husband may be coming out of his MLC now that it is almost at the seven year mark. It is getting a little strange. He called me again yesterday just to chit chat. Then today he e-mailed me something one of our daughters had requested (for school work). Yet he never answered her text asking for the papers/photos. I'm even detecting a hint of humility in his voice. For those having a MLC or having to endure one with someone else, do they typically last seven years?
Does the 7 year itch thing count if you multiply it by 4? 28 years, we have certainly had lows before, not sure if they coincided with 7's but this one sure did. And it is definitely related to MLC. But what can I do? You're supposed to hang around and work together to get past these things, not walk away
10Likes
Re: The ole "Seven Year Itch" 
I'm curious.
