My husband lies - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-02-2009, 11:14 AM Thread Starter
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My husband lies

Where do I start..I'm at the end of my rope and don't know where else to turn to. The only person I thought I could be safe with I feel I don't even know anymore. He's lied to me about many things that has caused me to lose trust in him, first it was flirting with other women, secret phone calls, lying about employment, finances. I have a 10 month old with him and I do love him but I don't know if he loves me. How can you keep lying to someone when you supposedly love them? I always seem to catch him in his lies the most recent one being he opened a secret bank account. Now I'm starting to not believe him about the "identity theft" which has caused us to be behind on bills. He supposedly worked it out with the bank and now hmm....the thief got the money again. Does that make any sense? Wouldn't the bank take more precautions. So now 700.00 is missing that could have been used to pay for our bills. I've become like my own private investigator, searching phone records, pockets, etc...I hate feeling like this. I found a paystub in his wallet that implies he was working for his previous boss who treats him like crap. I asked him about it and said it's ok because if he's going through something we need to work on it together as a family. He's been telling me how he's been working both at his new job but only on a "project" remotely for his old boss. He said he got a raise but he's lied to me about it in the past so I don't know whether to believe him. Now I logged into his facebook and find that he's chatting to one of the "old coworkers" so I think he's still working for his old boss. I'm wondering if he's making up names for his "new workplace"...I don't know what to do and if I confront him we always argue it gets to the point he calls me the b word and other names and puts me down. I don't know if he will ever tell me the truth. I feel I can't trust him about anything. We are in a lot of debt because of his irresponsibility and the fact that he's the one that handles the finances. I guess I stay hoping that he'll stop lying to me and turn around.
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-02-2009, 11:32 AM
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Re: My husband lies

It doesn’t sound to me like he will turn around. There is a very real difference in hiding the truth to protect someone but flat out lying is something else entirely.

If he has been this unfaithful on such a regular basis I wouldn’t expect it to change. A good friend of mine is in a bad, bad marriage because she believed he would eventually change. He hasn’t but she is to insecure to leave. IMHO it would be best for both of you to look at other arrangements.

And to add to the matter, if he is being mentally and verbally abusive it is only a matter of time before it changes to physical. No child deserves to be raised in that environment and you certainly don’t deserve the blunt end of any abuse.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-02-2009, 12:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My husband lies

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soonerborn View Post
It doesnít sound to me like he will turn around. There is a very real difference in hiding the truth to protect someone but flat out lying is something else entirely.

If he has been this unfaithful on such a regular basis I wouldnít expect it to change. A good friend of mine is in a bad, bad marriage because she believed he would eventually change. He hasnít but she is to insecure to leave. IMHO it would be best for both of you to look at other arrangements.

And to add to the matter, if he is being mentally and verbally abusive it is only a matter of time before it changes to physical. No child deserves to be raised in that environment and you certainly donít deserve the blunt end of any abuse.
Thanks, It's so much easier said than done. Sometimes I want to just leave but right now I'm a stay at home mom making a little money from online and he's the one bringing home the paycheck. Than there are other times I want to make things work because I took a vow and love him. It's like being on an emotional rollercoaster.
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