santana1

Can anybody please give me please the right advice.

I,m living with my fiance for 18 years and have a 17 year older daughter with her during our relationship.She have left me twice over this period and been away from me and my daughter now for 5 days and she want to come back.What should I do.Can somebody please help me with this as soon as possible.

the guy

Investigate the reasons she has left and what she has been doing. You could be the fall back guy.

Do some research, were was she hanging out, who was she hanging out with, was she being faithful?

She may have ran off with another man and the man didn't want to commit to her like you have.

The main point here is take the time to find out what you are truely dealing with before you make a dicision.

Shaggy

I don't understand. Is the 18 yr old yours?

She left you and your mutual daughter, so she could be with another man?

Why would you possibly take her back at this point? You're nothing but her second choice.

santana1

Hi There
Thank you very much for the reply.
1) The 18 year old daughter is ours.
2)Yes,she left us and left us on our own and ran off to a man in Kansas City.She has only been away now for 5 days and want to come back.
3) Does this mean i shouldnt take her back.
4) She has done this now for the 2nd. time.

keko

Likely the other man dumped her. In that case she isn't coming back to you because she loves you or the child but needs someone to pay for her bills while enjoying a single life.

If she left twice already she will leave you for the third time. Cut your loses and move on.

2nd_t!me iz_best

leave her azz in kansas city

santana1

Thank you very much guys i really appreciate all your feedback.

Thanks.

Shaggy

I don't think either of you should just accept her back. Especially since this is the second time she's done this. Clearly the way you dealt with it the first time, didn't actually fix her and left her feeling like running off is ok.

Why did she leave you? Was it to be with the man she was cheating with?

What led up to her hooking up with the other man she was cheating with?

How did she meet him?

Obviously she has had sex with him. What is she offering to do, to make up for cheating?

Are you so desperate to have her back that you would actually accept her back after she had sex with another man?

Is she willing to give you all her passwords and access to her phone?

Is she willing to stop all contact with the man and the friends who enabled her cheating?

Is she willing for you to divorce her?

Accipiter777

She'll do it again.

HalfGrin

You're daughter is old enough that she is aware of and can be mature about the things her mother is doing. The most important thing here is not whether you take her back, but the discussions you have with your 17 year old daughter so that she can grow up to be a stable and well adjusted individual.

In taking her back you can't expect much to change. If her companionship is worth living with her flighty attention span then take her back. If not then don't. If maybe then make her get her own apartment, job, and car; with the plans that you will begin the relationship over again at square one (i.e. the first date).

2nd_t!me iz_best

she is doing all of this even before they are married.
if she cant even be faithful until the wedding day, how will she be in 10 years after?

Complexity

So she's found the grass not to be greener twice or she got kicked to the curb by those men. Unless you like being her second option time after time, I'll tell her you left once too many. Get your diginity back and don't allow her to use you as a doormat.

the guy

Don't take her back, why so you ca deal with all the girls night outs and the staying out all night and coming home early the next day.

I may be assuming here, with these points, but I have a feeling taking her back won't be that rewarding for you.

Keep in mind taking her back will only make it easier for her to do it again, in my case like in yours my wife was "good" for the next 5 years, then she met someone else then a few years went by then someone else....a year went by then she just started sleping around month after month.

Without consequence she will not learn, do her a favor and help her see she needs help. After a year of therapy and working on her self you might want to reconsider.

I have a feeling she will not choose this path and then you won't be setting your self up for more emotional torture in the near future. I could be wrong but you won't know until you make her face the cosequence.

that_girl

You've been engaged 17 years? Why no wedding?

it's like she is dating you and when someone fancies her or she fancies someone, she dates them too, then comes back to you because you'll allow it.

Stop allowing it.

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67flh

she's run off 2x's now and you want her back? she runs off, some guy uses her for his personal ho--gets tired of her and she wants to come crawling back? wire her some money to stay wherever she's at. as someone else said, she's only gonna do it again.