Re: Hubby repulses me
my experience has been that it is never just all about one person versus the other.... even in times when I feel like it's all about my husband, when I stop, and really think hard about it, I usually realize , that it's about me too. It is very hard for anyone that is hurting, to look at if from the other persons point of view. I have had sex issues with my hubby in the past.... and we still don't make love as often as I'd like. But although it hurts me, I had to look at it from his perspective. Plus, he's got documented low Testosterone, so , I cant' exactly get that angry. It's not so low he can't get an erection and have sex, it's just that he doesn't want to do it very much. But I love him, so I try my best to think of it in terms of how it affects both of us, instead of just me.
I know how you feel bhappy.. I've been denied sex, in some form or another. And he's hurt you so long, that now your sexual feelings for him are damaged. The only thing that might work is some strong therapy, if you're so repulsed by him you want to wash yourself if he merely brushes up against you. That is a feeling that stems from deep deep hurt.... I have felt that before.
My hubby pretty much stopped sex altogether when I was pregnant, and it killed me. I cried every day, I felt ugly, fat, worthless, and like a non-human, non-woman.... after the baby was born, I had so much anger, and resentment, and pain... that I kind of felt the way you do, replused... but I realized I had to either forgive him, for hurting me so... or our marriage probably would not survive... so, I worked on it, within myself.. and tried hard to see his perspective on it. And after time, and with us being best friends.... I eventually forgave him, and myself, and I moved past it. We still don't have sex enough to statisfy me, maybe once a month... but it's better than none at all. And I know that he loves me, so I'm in it for the long haul. I feel for you, as it's hard to have the sex part lacking in any marriage, if one or both partners desire it.