Please tell me if I am wrong here...did we move too fast?????
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Old 04-10-2012, 02:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Please tell me if I am wrong here...did we move too fast?????

So I am engaged to be married here later this year. I met my hun last year at the end of October fell in love rather quickly. Started doing overnights (all together we have 5 kids), decided to move in together he moved from a town an hour away and commutes each day. Long story short we became pregnant mid January, got engaged mid February, and it just seems like things have gone so fast paced and it's not working. I admit I have been rather moody due to me being preggo, but we are both edgy. We both work full time, have kids, both of us go to school full time. Needless to say it has been a challenge. I have several issues. I have grown to resent the way we talk to eachother, resent the fact that I am now pregnant, things are just so crazy now. I also have trust issues thinking he is cheating. I know he promises this has never happened. However back in Dec/Jan. I looked at his phone and noticed his ex fiancee he had been talking to back and forth a few times. She would call and he would return the phone call. Each call was about 7-8 minutes. I confronted him. He stated on the last call he told her about me and that was the end of that. What really hurts is that although he knew this wasn't right he decided to hide it instead. The end result the girl showed up at his job in January trying to get back with him. Which he did tell me about that. So stemming from that I don't trust him. It doesn't help that he now has put passwords on his email & text messages on his phone. Not sure to cut my losses before the upcoming wedding or to give it a shot. He is a great guy, but things are rough right now.
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Old 04-10-2012, 02:44 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please tell me if I am wrong here...did we move too fast?????

Yes.
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Old 04-10-2012, 02:47 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please tell me if I am wrong here...did we move too fast?????

Don't marry him.
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Old 04-10-2012, 02:48 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please tell me if I am wrong here...did we move too fast?????

Break the engagement and get an abortion.

The rest of the mistakes cannot be fixed.
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Old 04-10-2012, 03:28 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please tell me if I am wrong here...did we move too fast?????

Can anyone please elaborate for me. I am seeking real advice! Thank you in advance
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Old 04-10-2012, 03:31 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please tell me if I am wrong here...did we move too fast?????

You were selfish and foolish for rushing into things when you both already had kids. Marrying him now isn't going to magically fix all this issues you've got. So don't marry him and either work on your issues or move on with your life.

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Old 04-10-2012, 03:44 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please tell me if I am wrong here...did we move too fast?????

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Originally Posted by 1lostintranslation View Post
Can anyone please elaborate for me. I am seeking real advice! Thank you in advance
An abortion is when the baby is removed from the uterus before it's ready to be born.

Breaking an engagement means you change your mind and don't get married.
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Old 04-10-2012, 03:47 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please tell me if I am wrong here...did we move too fast?????

Yes you moved too fast. The worst part is that you are toying with your kids lives by being so irresponsible!
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Old 04-10-2012, 03:47 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please tell me if I am wrong here...did we move too fast?????

Do not marry him, he is not marrying material. He's already lying about stuff and contacting his ex fiance.

You can have a child without getting married.
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Old 04-10-2012, 04:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please tell me if I am wrong here...did we move too fast?????

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Originally Posted by 1lostintranslation View Post
So I am engaged to be married here later this year. I met my hun last year at the end of October fell in love rather quickly. Started doing overnights (all together we have 5 kids), decided to move in together he moved from a town an hour away and commutes each day. Long story short we became pregnant mid January, got engaged mid February, and it just seems like things have gone so fast paced and it's not working. I admit I have been rather moody due to me being preggo, but we are both edgy. We both work full time, have kids, both of us go to school full time. Needless to say it has been a challenge. I have several issues. I have grown to resent the way we talk to eachother, resent the fact that I am now pregnant, things are just so crazy now. I also have trust issues thinking he is cheating. I know he promises this has never happened. However back in Dec/Jan. I looked at his phone and noticed his ex fiancee he had been talking to back and forth a few times. She would call and he would return the phone call. Each call was about 7-8 minutes. I confronted him. He stated on the last call he told her about me and that was the end of that. What really hurts is that although he knew this wasn't right he decided to hide it instead. The end result the girl showed up at his job in January trying to get back with him. Which he did tell me about that. So stemming from that I don't trust him. It doesn't help that he now has put passwords on his email & text messages on his phone. Not sure to cut my losses before the upcoming wedding or to give it a shot. He is a great guy, but things are rough right now.
People should start measuring 'fast' in terms of any exes that are still in the picture. When someone is serious about their partner, usually there are no exes hanging around , or worse, trying to 'get back' with the person...to me, that just reeks of unfinished business.
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Old 04-11-2012, 12:49 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please tell me if I am wrong here...did we move too fast?????

Lost:

CALL.OFF.THE.WEDDING.

Please do not think I'm trying to be mean, because I'm not. If you were MY daughter, I would sit you down and tell you FIRMLY:

1.) You do not know if you should call off the wedding or 'give it a shot.' Attention, please: YOU are not 'giving it a shot.' You and your fiance and FIVE (soon to be SIX) CHILDREN are giving it a shot! If it was just YOU and fiance, that would be one thing. But there are numerous children to be considered...not just 2 adults. You are going to be dragging 6 children through this attempt at marriage.

2.) You fell in love rather quickly. No, I think you 2 fell in LUST rather quickly. You haven't even KNOWN each other for 6 months. You can't love him; he can't love you: You don't even KNOW each other yet!

3.) You resent the fact that you are pregnant now. It is no wonder with 5 kids, 2 full-time jobs, both in school full-time. Your plates are FULL. Your first consideration should be this pregnancy!!! You 2 need to make a decision about this pregnancy (keep or terminate: I make no judgement). If you decide to keep how will you feel if this relationship ends? How will he feel? Will you always resent this child because his/her birth has been unplanned at a REALLY bad time? No-one can know but you and fiance. Figure it out FIRST THING.

4.) You're barely into this relationship and he and ex-fiancee (BTW, do you know the REASON they never married? Might be enlightening.) have already been conversing and texting. Maybe he's right and it IS over between them. How will you know? YOU don't trust him. He's told you it's over with the ex. Then he puts passwords on his emails and texts so there is no verification for you. (Not that it would make any difference because he could open another email account at any time and cell phones are cheap.)

If you go into this marriage with these serious doubts, in such a short time, just because you're pregnant, YOU WILL BOTH REGRET IT. And maybe you could live with that. Can the children??
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