EasyNow

Been married for 16 years with 3 kids(5,10 & 13). Early on we were happy and were best friends. We've always had arguments but never seemed to hold grudges but as the years have gone by we have drifted apart and our arguments have turned nastier and nastier. She is very critical and likes to point out every thing that she feels is wrong. No opinion goes unspoken with her. And usually those opinions are negative. This gets directed at the kids as well. She has never been an affectionate person and blames her mother and lack of a relationship with her dad for that. But if I'm not being affectionate enough I hear about it and told that I just have to deal with her being that way. This is just one example. I know she's not completely happy and has begun to seek out spending more time with her friends and less with me. We hardly go out together unless it involves other couples or if it's our anniversary. I've mentioned date night before but it never happens. One obstacle is the kids and constantly finding a babysitter so it's just easier for her to go out with her friends and leave ol' me to watch the kids. Ironically, I was the one who used to go out alot with my friends but she would always start an argument or lay the guilt trip on me before I went out so eventually I stopped. As a result, most of my firendships seemed to drift away once I started focusing on our marriage and family.

Well, now the roles are reversed and whenever I express displeasure with her going out I'm trying to control her. And I don't mind so much her going to a movie or shopping with a girlfriend or day trips wherever with her girlfriends, it's the late nights coming home from the bars. Granted this is not happening every week but she goes through spurts where this occurs. One night a year or so ago she went out with a few old friends from school(couple of girlfriends and a single guy). That night she came home at 4am without a phone call or nothing. I still haven't got over it to this day. She says she was drunk blah blah blah...I know that nothing good goes on at 4am in the morning. I been told to get over it though. Whats funny is when I go out now occasionally I'm still met with the guilt trips and occasional argument. But this time she feels like she has to one up me and then go too the next night or whatever. I'm so sick of this sh-t!! I give the f*ck up!!