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So - how do I deal with THIS???

1K views 9 replies 4 participants last post by  CallaLily 
#1 ·
So -- today is such a good example of what I've been going through with my DH. He's been unemployed for 3 months - since he followed me to a new city -- where I was transferred. I am the bread winner. He is a very talented person in the same field. So, I got him a week's worth of work with my employer -- freelance. We've worked at the same place for many years..as I have opened doors for him. Well, today -- on his second day at work --He told his supervisor that he wasn't well enough trained on some computers and he didn't feel comfortable doing what he'd been asked of him ---(even though they trained him last month on these computers).

He texted ALL day about how awful my co-workers were.. "I hate this place -- I don't know how you haven't gone postal" was one of his texts.

THEN -- he ran into the president of the company in the hallway. He had dinner with him (since he's my husband and I was just hired). Well, the Pres of company didn't automatically recognize him and he apologized and told him (and people nearby) that he felt terrible since he had just had dinner with him (and me) a few weeks ago. Pres of company said "I even sat next to you". So my hubby says "No, you sat face to face with me...and you still didn't recognize me" (he said half-jokingly) Pres: "I thought I sat next to you". DH "Nope, you said across from me. Pres: "It must have been your lovely wife - and (another lady) who I stared at instead of you...buddy". (He said jokingly). DH: "well, your wife was there...why didn't you stare at her?"

My DH actually told me this play by play tonight...as proof that no one liked him ...and that even the Pres of the company was taking "cheap shots" at him.

When I told my DH that he needs to realize that he is very lucky that the pres of the company even stopped to chat...he made light of it. He said that everyone was just "rude" and he couldn't believe how awful of a day he had. When I suggested that he be more careful and respectful with how he speaks with people -- he said "I'm sorry -- I'm such a failure"....


So -- here's the deal. My husband was not sabotaging on purpose. That is truly how he acts. He doesn't "get it" and realize that he was being so crazy.. he truly thinks "i" am overreacting. Maybe I am? What do you think? I just think this is all going to look very bad for ME? And I'm currently the only one with a paycheck!
 
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#3 ·
Is he sabotaging his career because deep down inside he may resent you being the bread winner? It sounds to me like he was doing anything and everything to piss off your co-workers so they don't ask him back.

He is a grown man, he knows how to behave in a corporate situation. Unfortunately, this will look bad on you, because you brought him there. You would never have brought him there had you known he would act like this. Is he trying to get some revenge or hurt you in any way?
 
#5 ·
My husband BEGGED me to get his this work....he wants to work here SO BADLY -- the problem is that while it sounds like he is "sabotaging" himself and ME -- he honestly acts this way ...and thinks there is nothing wrong with his behavior. I kid you not -- he doesn't see how awful his behavior really is.... It's hard for me to deal with this because I don't how to change something when he thinks I am "overreacting" and making his feel worthless...when I ask him NICELY to consider being more polite or social. I can't TRAIN this in him...you know?
 
#6 ·
There are some people who do not think their behavior is wrong. Then there are some who actually do know and they simply do not care. If he has black and white thinking, meaning he only sees what he wants to and not the whole picture then of course he isn't going to see that he is doing anything wrong.

Regardless of what he is doing or how he is acting, it all comes down to what you are willing to live with.
 
#8 ·
I don't think you're over reacting I think he has an issue, just not sure exactly what. The problem is if he wont seek help, then he is likely to not seek help as long as he thinks there is no problem. You will end up having to decide what to do for yourself.
 
#9 ·
I often wonder how BAD my situation really is....I grew up in a really bad environment - so my perception isn't quite "normal".

I'm starting to question so much -- for example, is it normal for a spouse to come home and the other one to not even look up from their iphones...and even through dinner ...be on the phone?

Do spouses kiss each other goodbye or even SAY goodbye all the time? I try to....but it never seems to be replicated.

I look at couples all the time and see them looking quite happy ...and I can't remember the last time ..I laughed with my husband. I just find him such a downer...all the time. He is always complaining about something..
 
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