If the police have been informed that her ex raped her and have issued a warrant for his arrest then it is most likely that she had been sexually assaulted by him.
Do you have any idea how many times false charges are pressed, bogus restraining orders are filed by (mostly) women using the legal system as a tool to further their own means, whether its posturing for a favorable position in a divorce or getting the heat off of them when an affair is discovered?
The courts are quick to sign on the dotted line because no judge wants to see his or her name in the morning paper after some stalker murders a victim because they were skeptical about the grounds for issuing a warrant.
That does NOT mean the charges are legit.
Originally Posted by morituri
The guy has done this before without paying any criminal consequences, so the likelihood of him repeating it is very high.
You don't know what he did before, all you know is that he was "accused" of doing something and he was found to be not guilty.
Originally Posted by morituri
Now as far as her clueless friend leaving her alone with him, I can see that happening
You can see a clueless friend leaving her alone with an exbf that supposedly raped her. Sure, people are stupid and maybe he was completely unaware of the history and forget about the crazy odds of her former exbf stalker being at the house by some crazy coincidence. She gets there, sees the crazy exbf stalker.. and what does she do.. does she leave? No.
The friend leaves! At which point the woman chooses to do what.. leave? No. She stays there, alone in the house with the crazy ex stalker boyfriend so he can rape her again.
I agree with morituri in the above in wanting to support a woman who may very well have been raped. I get it. Let me be clear I find the story itself to be incredible. Life can be incredible. Sometimes things feel contrived. My radar is up. I am skeptical but not commiting to where that skepticism lies.
The only part of the story that makes my head want to pop, is that she stayed, after the friend left. If this man raped, beat her to the point of miscarrying, and just in general sounds like a real piece of fecal matter, why in the world would she stay somewhere alone with him? Why not hightail it out of there when she saw he was there, and tell the friend she'd visit some other time/place?
If he's guilty, I hope like hell that he gets the prisontime he deserves. But if he's not guilty, I hope like hell he doesn't get thrown into prison for a lie.
OP I'm wishing you the best. Either way this goes, it's going to be a bumpy road. Best wishes to you.
... Is it really a stretch to think she chose to stay in the house when her friend left?
Um yeah, it is for me. Why didn't she just do a 180 the second she saw him and head back to her car? Why did she go in the house? If were a woman, and I saw a man who raped me, I would have high-tailed it outta there. No questions, no goodbyes.
Her story makes no logical sense. There either has to be more details as to why she stayed with him, or she's flat out lying.
Be as kind, gentle, and protective as you can. You want her to feel safe and if she is afraid that you're going to kill or harm the guy is not going to help her feel safe. Make sure she knows that you love her and do not think badly of her or negatively toward her. Let her know that you are strong enough to share the burden of her pain.
Since you already know that she has confided in the pastor and you know that she trusts him, why don't you also go talk to him and let him know what you discovered and how. Perhaps he may be able to mediate a conversation between the two of you in which you guys can figure out how to connect with each other and be there for each other.
I'm so sorry for what you're both going through. If it is possible to take legal action (and if she wants to take legal action), then I think you should pursue it.
Though you may be tempted to hurt the guy, don't. You could risk getting in trouble yourself, and that leaves your wife unprotected with this predator around.
Not sure if you're still checking this site, but let me share a different perspective that may help, based on my experiences.
1. Your wife was horrifically abused by this person in the past. I assume you believe that with your head and heart
2. Women who are abused often form "betrayal bonds" (aka trauma bonds) with perpetrators. Great book by Carnes on this subject that you should 100% buy; I bet it will read like a script of her life
3. You are probably pulling your hair out. Saying "how could you stay alone with that animal!" Same thing happend in my relationship. My wife was raped, and I am struggling mightily to wrap my head around it and believe it too. She did not "make this up" - the shakes, tears and hurt - which did not come out at first, but took time as whe works through it - are very real.
4. If you're like me, you are searching desperately for answers. Unfortunately, you are not going to find them on the internet- trust me, I've tried (thus my reading your post and being online this morning). These people have not gone through what you and your wife have. Unless you've been raped, you just don't get it and are influenced by myths propogated by the media/movies (if there was no fight, where's the bruises, etc.)
5. Get counseling for yourself. YOU will need to heal, and that healing can only come from you. You will never know for sure what happened, but you have been hurt - whether directly by infidelity or indirectly by abuse to your wife.