General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I'm not calling you immature. I don't know you. I'm saying that at seventeen most are growing, changing, exploring, experiencing, learning about themselves, and hopefully, having fun.
I'm not saying this meanly, but you do not know what it is going to be. No one can. That's like saying you know what skydiving is like if you've never done it. I'm not sure if there's anyone on TAM who could say marriage was/is exactly what they thought. I married in my early twenties, and while I won't go into my saga, I thought I was invincible, too.
Yes, it is your business. But your thought process, wants, needs, goals are going to change as you mature, guaranteed.
You are 17. Get to whatever high school is nearest you, walk into the office, and tell them you want to register for school. Fed law says that you can register yourself without parents in the picture. Once you are registered, get in touch with the schools family advocate. Again fed law says every school had to have one. Tell him/her your story, and request help.
Step two, attend classes, and work hard. Graduate. It's gonna take you longer, it's not going to be easy, but unless today is what you want as the best your life will ever have to offer, you are going to have to grab yourself by the bootstraps and pull yourself up.
For someone who is willing, there is no limit to what you can do in life. For someone who is unwilling, there is nothing you can do in life.
At 17 I would counsel you NOT to marry as you`re simply too young to even begin to understand what you`re getting into.
With your particular problems you`re in for a serious hard time in marriage.
I`m done now as you won`t listen but in a few years you`ll wish you had.
Uhm, well that's funny because you're not my preacher, and my preacher has already counseled us, as he told us during the counseling, age doesn't matter, it's just a number, what matters is what is in your heart, how you feel, and what you're doing.
...But if I'm willing to tie myself down to one man the rest of my life. Isn't that my business?
Sure, except when you marry you are making a vow to each other publicly and asking the community to help you be accountable to each other. So when you make your vows you no longer have the right to say "it's my marriage, none of your business" it is quite the opposite, by marrying you are making it everyones business.
You are 17. Get to whatever high school is nearest you, walk into the office, and tell them you want to register for school. Fed law says that you can register yourself without parents in the picture. Once you are registered, get in touch with the schools family advocate. Again fed law says every school had to have one. Tell him/her your story, and request help.
Step two, attend classes, and work hard. Graduate. It's gonna take you longer, it's not going to be easy, but unless today is what you want as the best your life will ever have to offer, you are going to have to grab yourself by the bootstraps and pull yourself up.
For someone who is willing, there is no limit to what you can do in life. For someone who is unwilling, there is nothing you can do in life.
Thank you. I am actually starting to work on all that
Sure, except when you marry you are making a vow to each other publicly and asking the community to help you be accountable to each other. So when you make your vows you no longer have the right to say "it's my marriage, none of your business" it is quite the opposite, by marrying you are making it everyones business.
Uhm NO. You couldn't be more wrong.. It's OUR marriage and no one's business but mine, his, Gods and our preachers, who is our counselor.. do you know nothing about marriage???
Thank you. I am actually starting to work on all that
I hope you mean registering for school thing.
I'm serious about getting in touch with the school advocate. They have funds and resources to help young people who find themselves in circumstances. They can get you into counseling, help you get any financial assistance, those sorts of things.
Like a flower bud, your life has tons of potential. Be careful to nurture it with the things it needs to become the biggest, most beautiful bloom possible.
If you would have read everything. You would have seen that he is the reason I open up the way I do now. And I don't know how or why he loves me, why don't you ask him that question?
Having read your response above, and to many others trying to help, let's change things up and try it this way:
You just tell us the type of advice you want to hear, and we can all give it to you. You can then agree with it and we can all put this to rest.
You have been rude, defensive and immature even to posters who are genuinely trying to help. I won't waste your time or mine giving you any more suggestions. I hope you find peace.
Hvaing read your response above, and to many others trying to help, let's change things up and try it this way:
You just tell us the type of advice you want to hear, and we can all give it to you. You can then agree with it and we can all put this to rest.
You have been rude, defensive and immature even to posters who are genuinely trying to help.. I won't waste your time or mine giving you any more suggestions. I hope you find peace.
How have I been rude, immature and defensive to the ones who were trying to help? No, I wasn't nice to the ones who weren't being nice for me. I'm not personally asking for your advice so go away. No one asked you to come on this thread but I'm nicely asking you to leave dude. Just back off.
I'm serious about getting in touch with the school advocate. They have funds and resources to help young people who find themselves in circumstances. They can get you into counseling, help you get any financial assistance, those sorts of things.
Like a flower bud, your life has tons of potential. Be careful to nurture it with the things it needs to become the biggest, most beautiful bloom possible.
Yeah. I'm going to contact them as soon as I can.
Really, thank you.
How have I been rude, immature and defensive to the ones who were trying to help? No, I wasn't nice to the ones who weren't being nice for me. I'm not personally asking for your advice so go away. No one asked you to come on this thread but I'm nicely asking you to leave dude. Just back off.
You just dont get it, everyone is trying to help you, each and everyone, your young, I get that but you dont have to be disrespectful, you asked for advice but you only want to hear what you want to hear your reading the replys but your really not.
The replys are from people that have lived life a lot longer than you, it's called life lessons...they are only trying to pass onto you what thet have learned and how to get thru life... Some of us need a slap upside the head (not literally) to understand.
I truly hope you get the help you need and I mean that!
CharlotteMarie, I'm a blunt person so I'm going to do what you've asked. You say, "Please help me. Talk to me." That's why we're trying to do. Do you truly want advice? Then stop the quick, answer-for-everything, wise-@ss remarks you're giving everyone and LISTEN, please.
*SIGH* I was sooo screwed up at seventeen and up until a couple years into my marriage. I couldn't even begin. I had a best friend who saved me, literally, and a man (my dh) who came into my life, didn't walk out or give up on me when he would have had every reason to.
By your own words, you are a mess. Why, why, why do you think getting married so young, and so soon, is going to improve things?
Doesn't your future husband deserve a happy, healthy, secure, well-adjusted CharlotteMarie?
I find contradictions in your posts. You say you have nothing left to learn or accomplish, then you say to Lon, when he says get back into school, that you are working on it. Which is it?
You just dont get it, everyone is trying to help you, each and everyone, your young, I get that but you dont have to be disrespectful, you asked for advice but you only want to hear what you want to hear your reading the replys but your really not.
The replys are from people that have lived life a lot longer than you, it's called life lessons...they are only trying to pass onto you what thet have learned and how to get thru life... Some of us need a slap upside the head (not literally) to understand.
I truly hope you get the help you need and I mean that!
Uhm NO. You couldn't be more wrong.. It's OUR marriage and no one's business but mine, his, Gods and our preachers, who is our counselor.. do you know nothing about marriage???
Remember, most of the folks responding to your thread have kids your age, or close to it. You are just making us get all paternal on you.
I can tell by your writing that you are very intelligent. If you only have a grade 5 formal education, I would go as far as to say you are probably someone who has a very high IQ, and school was just not geared toward helping you with your potential.
Remember that intelligence is important, and if you harness it, can take you far, but having the grace and wisdom to set aside petty arguments and not get your feelings hurt by things others say is just as important. If something bothers you, think about it a bit to cool off before responding.
It sounds like you are receiving counseling from your minister, and you have a level head on your shoulders (probably a solid education from the school of hard knocks) so work on things that will further your future.
Remember, most of the folks responding to your thread have kids your age, or close to it. You are just making us get all paternal on you.
I can tell by your writing that you are very intelligent. If you only have a grade 5 formal education, I would go as far as to say you are probably someone who has a very high IQ, and school was just not geared toward helping you with your potential.
Remember that intelligence is important, and if you harness it, can take you far, but having the grace and wisdom to set aside petty arguments and not get your feelings hurt by things others say is just as important. If something bothers you, think about it a bit to cool off before responding.
It sounds like you are receiving counseling from your minister, and you have a level head on your shoulders (probably a solid education from the school of hard knocks) so work on things that will further your future.
I know they're trying to help. But most of them, just sound like they are just attacking me. And at this point apparently everyone is attacking me. I'm sorry to whoever thinks I got disrespectful but I didn't see where I did. Like I said, if I did than I'm really sorry..
But thank you humanbecoming. And yes, we are receiving counseling from him, he is the one who counseled us our 4 hours before he could begin to marry us.
28Likes
Re: What am I supposed to do about this? 
Do you truly want advice? Then stop the quick, answer-for-everything, wise-@ss remarks you're giving everyone and LISTEN, please.
