moononastick

I've been with my girlfriend for two years. We fell in love like I have never felt before and I was sure she was "The One".

After 18 months I started to have doubts/what I call "negative feelings" about the relationship. She was having some real job problems which were causing her extreme stress, so we put those doubts down to me having to deal with her stress. We sought counselling. Things seemed to improve.

At Christmas time the "negative feelings" came back. I just woke up one day and they were there, floating in the back of my mind. We talked about it, got very upset, but decided we wanted to work through it.

As if by magic, the feeling went away - for two months. For those two months I was happy as can be and felt even more in love than before.

Now the feeling is back again Again, I think I just woke up with it one day 6 weeks ago. We have talked and we are both very upset and on the edge of breaking up. I have cried more than I've every cried in my life. I am so sad. I cannot bear to lose her.

But I know there is something up. I do not know what it is - I am certain I love her and although she is not "perfect" (who is?), I can't think of anything she doesn't have that I feel is missing.

There is another problem - I am sure connected with all this. That is that increasingly I have been less interested in sex with her, over the last 6 months. Thoughts of other women have crept in. I tried to ignore them but the harder you try not to think of something - well, it makes you think more about that thing! We are now at the point that I can't have sex without at least some thoughts of other women popping into my mind. I hate it and feel awful.

Is there any hope? I've read as wide as I can on the internet, and see examples of people who have gone through something similar. But no one says what they ended up doing, getting over it or breaking up!

Clever people of the internet, please help me. I want to fix this. I love my life with her - apart from the negative feelings and the thinking of others during sex - what do I do?

Thank you



m

River1977

Please release that girl of your misery and seek counseling.

moononastick

that's a firm give up from you then?

moononastick

I don't think I'm afraid of commitment. Depression could be possible, I am prone to it.

My last relationship ended after the same amount of time, but I later realised I was never madly in love with that girl and did not see a future with her. I do see a future with this one.

But what kind if insecurities are we talking about here? Relationship ones, sex ones, or more about me personally?
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occasionallybaffled

Would like a little more background. How do you spend time together? Do live with each other? What do you too do for fun?

It's really easy to become complacent/comfortable in a relationship and take many things for granted. If possible spend more time together and do things together as a team. It can be something stupid like a pillow fight or something constructive like cleaning the home/apartment. I don't know where you live or what's available. But if near a body of water... rent a kayak/canoe and just enjoy being in each others presence.

If finances are tight, there are plenty of things for free/cheap: go to a park and have a picnic, learn a new skill together, try to cook something neither of you have had before, etc.

Try to rekindle the feelings that drew you toward each other. You must of loved being in her presence, hearing her laugh, trying to impress her doing stupid things and just wanting to make her happy. Give it a try. Emotions are contagious (both positive and negative). It's hard to be negative when your partner is radiating joy. Just try to have fun together.

SlowlyGettingWiser

I would suggest that you two get into couples' counselling. Neither of you seem to have any idea what generates these 'negative feelings' nor what makes them stop. They appear and disappear by 'magic' (your word, not mine.)

There IS NO 'magic' at work here, you two just haven't been able to put your finger on the problem although you both do seem willing to talk (always a GOOD sign.) Let a professional help you.

Dating is the time when you two are SUPPOSED to be exploring the idea of together forever, but that doesn't mean that every couple who loves each other and would like a forever-life is a good match. A professional will be able to help you two decide if you have what it takes to make it in the long run and new tools to help you get there OR if this relationship has run its course (no matter how much either of you might wish it hadn't) and it's time for you two to move on.

Good luck to you both!