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stressing out after moving in?

1K views 4 replies 5 participants last post by  chocolategeek 
#1 ·
My post is not for myself, but more insight into a friend. I don't know exactly what is going on their head, or all the details, but I will do my best to explain the situation.

First, my friend is male and I am female. Some of my concern comes from the lingering feelings I have for him, but I am not as active within his life since he began dating his fiance so it has helped keep my feelings in check.

My friend is struggling financially. I know that has caused him a lot of stress, and I tried to remain supportive even though he had a girlfriend to support him if he needed it. They decided to move in together, although he was unable to sell his house (too much of a loss to sell) so he rents it. His stress began about two years ago, when he began a new job, and he often refers to it when I ask how things are going with him.

I haven't seen much or heard much from him since he moved in with his girlfriend a few months ago. What I do know, is that after moving in, he played hours of an online game every day (and I'm imagining not at home when she was there but more likely when he was supposed to be working or when she wasn't around). We both like this website and games, so I saw his username appear frequently on the high scores tally.

To me, it seems odd he would play so much when he was adjusting to a new environment, but maybe that was part of the reason he played so much - is moving in with someone a difficult and stressful adjustment? Is that something that would warrant 5-6 hours of game playing a day to distract yourself? As a female, I would think moving in together would be exciting and hopefully a positive thing - not something that would stress you out. Why do guys stress out when they move in with their girlfriends?
 
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#3 ·
My post is not for myself, but more insight into a friend. Some of my concern comes from the lingering feelings I have for him, but I am not as active within his life since he began dating his fiance so it has helped keep my feelings in check.

I tried to remain supportive even though he had a girlfriend to support him if he needed it.

What I do know, is that after moving in, he played hours of an online game every day (and I'm imagining not at home when she was there but more likely when he was supposed to be working or when she wasn't around).

To me, it seems odd he would play so much when he was adjusting to a new environment ... is moving in with someone a difficult and stressful adjustment? Is that something that would warrant 5-6 hours of game playing a day to distract yourself?
Better question: Why are you so involved in the business of a man who is engaged? You still have feelings for this man and you are way too interested in what is going on in HIS relationship; a relationship which does not include you. If his moving in with another woman is stressful, that is his issue to address. It is none of your business.

If you were merely a friend, and nothing more, then I could see being somewhat concerned. But even good friends know their boundaries and when to stay out of the other person's business.

This sounds like an EA to me. Although you are concerned about what is going on with him, it is not your place to get involved.
 
#4 ·
The first thing I would like to say is people are quick to jump the gun on here. It sees like you two have known each other for awhile and were friends before his fiance and or girlfriend came into the picture and you took a step back out of respect and I commend you for that because it is not a easy thing to do and yet you did it keep it up. You have to separate your feelings but also remain respectful. Sometimes moving in can be stressful since you do see him online a lot and you were really good friends before she came into the picture.I saw that you said you don't talk much anymore out of respect for his fiance and you came here because you were concerned.. nothing wrong with that.

Your being a friend from a distance nothing wrong with that as long as you do that then you should be fine. Moving in with someone is a big step, which also brings me to the next point, you also mentioned that the few times that you do talk to each other he is complaining about the finances, his bed he lies in it all you can do is offer some advice and it is up to him, he may have jumped the gun financially. Caring for him as a friend and having deep feelings can be cloudy... good for you for admitting that, I have been there! So you have my sympathy.

As for you, are you dating or seeing anyone for yourself? Nothing like getting to know someone else can keep you on your toes can also help. If he seems to be pulling you in his problems a lot you should distance yourself and keep and stay busy for you, if he is pulling you in a lot then you should tell him as a friend that since he maybe getting married to this girl you don't want to over step that line and you don't want to get in the middle of it (regarding finances). Good luck to you and I hope you find that special someone for you because when you look back I promise you you will laugh.
 
#5 ·
Moving in with someone is a major life change, and can be both exciting and stressful at the same time. Does your friend have commitments with his fiance--like do they have kids? And how did his fiance react to his game-playing?
 
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