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Old 05-01-2012, 09:07 AM   #61 (permalink)
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Default Re: newlywed doomed for divorce..?

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Jewelry is considered a gift, unless you both have a signed, notarized document saying otherwise. This is how the courts have ruled. I do not know in which Circuit you live; however, I assure you, I can cite to multiple court decisions and statutory law that verify jewelry is considered a gift. This is basic tort/contract law.



Your insuring an item does not make it your's. I hope her name isn't on the title/registration of the car you have loaned her. If it is, she owns the car. Or at the very least, you would have to buy her out on half the value of the car if she wants to keep it. On the other hand, if she wants to keep half a car on which she is considered the "owner," by virtue of being on the registration, she can pay you half the assessed value of said car.

This is the law. I don't pull these "rabbits" out of my hat.



No, this is not true. People who buy items from Walmart are probably not in a financial position to spend "tens of thousands" of dollars fighting over their stainless flatware. I don't believe Walmart even sells genuine silverware.

I'm not pulling this stuff out of my backside. Maybe that is because I practice law ....
To be honest, neither of us can individually afford a lawyer.. what do you suggest?
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Old 05-01-2012, 11:28 AM   #62 (permalink)
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Default Re: newlywed doomed for divorce..?

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Originally Posted by Prodigal View Post
Jewelry is considered a gift, unless you both have a signed, notarized document saying otherwise. This is how the courts have ruled. I do not know in which Circuit you live; however, I assure you, I can cite to multiple court decisions and statutory law that verify jewelry is considered a gift. This is basic tort/contract law.
Now I know never to give jewelry to anyone. Of course I never did that anyway. My woman has a very strong self image and doesn't need bling bling


Quote:
Your insuring an item does not make it your's. I hope her name isn't on the title/registration of the car you have loaned her. If it is, she owns the car. Or at the very least, you would have to buy her out on half the value of the car if she wants to keep it. On the other hand, if she wants to keep half a car on which she is considered the "owner," by virtue of being on the registration, she can pay you half the assessed value of said car.
Her name is not on the registration or the title, but she is on the insurance. Since I'm over 25, my insurance explicitly states that nobody under 25 is allowed to drive that car unless they are added to the insurance, and she is under 25.
They put that age thing in there because drivers under 25 are an exceptionally high risk category, so excluding that group makes the rates lower. My insurance rates dropped more than 50% when I turned 25.


Quote:
No, this is not true. People who buy items from Walmart are probably not in a financial position to spend "tens of thousands" of dollars fighting over their stainless flatware. I don't believe Walmart even sells genuine silverware.
Oh they do. One of my coworkers had a nasty divorce and both sides lost. Over the course of evenly dividing dust bunnies and pennies found under the fridge, they lost thousands. He said he should have just given her the house and said goodbye. It actually would have been cheaper than fighting for such a long time.
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Old 05-01-2012, 11:33 AM   #63 (permalink)
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Default Re: newlywed doomed for divorce..?

There are family law attorneys who offer free initial consultations, which generally last about 15 minutes.

You do not have a lot, if any, "stuff" that needs to be divided, and you have a short-term marriage. The only thing I can foresee your husband trying to pull is contesting. The laws in my state allow a spouse to contest up to two years after the initial complaint is served. After that, a divorce is granted whether the contesting spouse likes it or not.

Family law matters are governed by the state in which you reside. The only matters that come under federal law have to do with kidnapping; or, in other words, one parent moving out of state with children without the other spouse's agreement.

You can go to Barnes & Noble and buy a divorce kit. I had a friend who filed her own papers with the court, paid a process server to serve her ex with papers, and it all went smoothly.

So, in your case, I would suggest you get a free consultation and then buy a divorce kit.
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Old 05-01-2012, 07:58 PM   #64 (permalink)
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Default Re: newlywed doomed for divorce..?

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There are family law attorneys who offer free initial consultations, which generally last about 15 minutes.

You do not have a lot, if any, "stuff" that needs to be divided, and you have a short-term marriage. The only thing I can foresee your husband trying to pull is contesting. The laws in my state allow a spouse to contest up to two years after the initial complaint is served. After that, a divorce is granted whether the contesting spouse likes it or not.

Family law matters are governed by the state in which you reside. The only matters that come under federal law have to do with kidnapping; or, in other words, one parent moving out of state with children without the other spouse's agreement.

You can go to Barnes & Noble and buy a divorce kit. I had a friend who filed her own papers with the court, paid a process server to serve her ex with papers, and it all went smoothly.

So, in your case, I would suggest you get a free consultation and then buy a divorce kit.
I've spoken to him today about selling and splitting the stuff. I agreed to posting the stuff online for sale and splitting the cash. From what I've found out, in NY you have to be in "turmoil" for 6 months of the relationship or seperated for at least one year before you can even file for divorce. If he could have it his way, he'd sign the papers right now so he definitely wouldn't contest. He's being very civil about everything and agreeing to keep me on his medical until this is all final.. I'm wondering if somewhere inside his mind he's thinking there's the SLIGHTESSTTT chance of salvage here.. I'm so damn up and down..
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Old 05-01-2012, 08:03 PM   #65 (permalink)
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Default Re: newlywed doomed for divorce..?

New York still has somewhat stringent divorce laws, but I can tell you that until a few years ago, New York was the only state where you HAD to have grounds for divorce. THAT is crazy! Most states are strictly no-fault, because the courts don't want to be tied up with divorce cases.

If you are already on his health insurance, by law he cannot remove you until a divorce action is finalized. As far as I know, that law is in force in all states, but don't quote me on it.

I lived in Maryland, but worked in D.C. My employer had me on their health insurance plan. I could not get my ex off the plan until our Maryland divorce was final ... and he contested up until the very end.

Really sucked.
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Old 05-01-2012, 08:21 PM   #66 (permalink)
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Default Re: newlywed doomed for divorce..?

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New York still has somewhat stringent divorce laws, but I can tell you that until a few years ago, New York was the only state where you HAD to have grounds for divorce. THAT is crazy! Most states are strictly no-fault, because the courts don't want to be tied up with divorce cases.

If you are already on his health insurance, by law he cannot remove you until a divorce action is finalized. As far as I know, that law is in force in all states, but don't quote me on it.

I lived in Maryland, but worked in D.C. My employer had me on their health insurance plan. I could not get my ex off the plan until our Maryland divorce was final ... and he contested up until the very end.

Really sucked.

hah and here I am thinking he's caring.. ughh I feel so sour over this. I resent him, I hate him, I want him to hurt.. but at the same time I'm terrified to be without him.. I feel like I want to screw him over and make him suffer, but that isn't my nature.. my nature wants to talk to him and ask "why.. why does it have to be this way.. isn't it KILLING you to see this destruction????" I refuse to be weakened and voice this to him.. Hell, I don't even want to admitt it to myself..
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Old 05-01-2012, 10:18 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Default Re: newlywed doomed for divorce..?

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I don't see how having a piece of paper by law or not at this point makes much difference. I mean, it isn't like either of us (as far as I know) are seeing anyone or interested in having a serious commitment to anyone any time soon so I don't understand his mindset on the rush.
That piece of paper is not only about who can see whom. Itís about responsibility as well. For example if you two are still married and he runs up a lot of bills, the creditors might be able to come after you for payment. If he gets in a bad car wreck you can be sued as well with him. If he ends up with huge medical bills.. yep, they can make you pay. So getting a divorce quickly is really a good idea to protect yourself.
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As for the jewlery, all the jewlery he bought me was charged to a credit card that I paid most of the time.. and trust me, it wasn't even close to thousands. Aside from the wedding rings I'd say maybe $500..
The small amount of jewelry you have were gifts. Jewelry is generally considered personal property like clothing unless there is a lot of very expensive jewelry that was purchased by community income/assets.
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Yes, I would spend all my money on him, always bought him lots of stuff. This is ridiculous though. I feel like we're just splitting hairs with this crap. Is the world really this petty??
Yes some people can really be that petty. Divorce is often so ugly and mean. The only thing often left to fight over is income and property. So the marital issues are now fought over those things. Itís stupid. But attorneys make a lot of money off people working out their emotions this way.

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As for possessions, we have none. We rent an apartment that he's now residing in because "realistically I can't afford it" so here I am on my parent's couch.. All we have is the furniture inside the apartment. We both had cars when we got together. His crapped out over a year ago so we junked it and shared my car (which was totalled about 3 weeks ago) He agreed to letting me have the bedroom dressers along with my vanity set and dressing mirror and we sell everything else and split it.
How much do your realistically think you will get for selling everything else? A few hundred dollars?
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He actually has a good job. He lost 4 jobs during the 2.5 years we were together and this is honesty the best we've ever had it. Great place, good income, just the car situation. He wanted to use the savings money to pay for a lawyer but I said absolutely not. I took the passbook so he can't do anything with it. Besides, my father set up that account for us about 2 months ago and husband hasn't put anything into it so I feel it should just go to my father (which I got him to agree with)
Is the account in both of your names? One thing you could do is to withdraw half of it for yourself. Or give it to your dad and maybe you dad can then give the money back to you.
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Old 05-01-2012, 10:22 PM   #68 (permalink)
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Default Re: newlywed doomed for divorce..?

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Now I know never to give jewelry to anyone. Of course I never did that anyway. My woman has a very strong self image and doesn't need bling bling
Liking jewerly does not mean that a woman does not have a strong self image.

Why would you never give your woman jewelry? A gift is a gift. You imply here that if you gave someone a gift and then broke up you'd want the gift back or to sell the gift....
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Old 05-02-2012, 10:21 AM   #69 (permalink)
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Default Re: newlywed doomed for divorce..?

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That piece of paper is not only about who can see whom. Itís about responsibility as well. For example if you two are still married and he runs up a lot of bills, the creditors might be able to come after you for payment. If he gets in a bad car wreck you can be sued as well with him. If he ends up with huge medical bills.. yep, they can make you pay. So getting a divorce quickly is really a good idea to protect yourself.

The small amount of jewelry you have were gifts. Jewelry is generally considered personal property like clothing unless there is a lot of very expensive jewelry that was purchased by community income/assets.

Yes some people can really be that petty. Divorce is often so ugly and mean. The only thing often left to fight over is income and property. So the marital issues are now fought over those things. Itís stupid. But attorneys make a lot of money off people working out their emotions this way.


How much do your realistically think you will get for selling everything else? A few hundred dollars?

Is the account in both of your names? One thing you could do is to withdraw half of it for yourself. Or give it to your dad and maybe you dad can then give the money back to you.
I agree with everything you've said. Honestly, if we sell everything, (aside from the wedding rings) we'd be LUCKY to have $500.. sooo petty.. I've also been told that I am not obligated to split the cash from the sale of my wedding rings.. I won't be grimy like that though.. Just what I was told. I have a consultation today with a lawyer. Hopefully I get some clearance and am able to at least educate myself.
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Old 05-08-2012, 02:01 PM   #70 (permalink)
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Default Re: newlywed doomed for divorce..?

I've been living at my parent's house for almost 2 weeks now..

"husband" has sold most of the funiture in our place (splitting it) and it is VERY clear we will not be reconciling. He has admitted to me that the whole marriage was a mistake and never should have occurred. He says he wasn''t ready or whatever but he was the one who pushed SO hard to move quickly into a marriage. My family supported him financially, emotionally and he even INSISTED on taking my name, rather than the tradition of the woman to take the man's name.

Here's my concern:
After doing research, I'd LOVE to get an annulment rather than a divorce. Is that possible under grounds of fraud?? He basically used me, my family and my family name to "re-invent" a life for himself and now he's "through"

Pleaase helpppppp
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Old 05-11-2012, 09:35 AM   #71 (permalink)
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according to a lawyer I met with yesterday, anullemnt is not an option.. I guess what I'll do is wait and see what husband does and if he wants this, he can pay for it. You should see how he's chosen to live. He's sold almost all the furniture and has made himself quite a jail cell in the living room, sleeping on the floor. I can't believe this is how he prefers to live over working things out with his wife.. KILLING ME.. I'm not going to therapy (something I don't believe in as well as xanax.. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I just want my home back, my life back, my husband back..
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Old 05-11-2012, 02:40 PM   #72 (permalink)
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Default Re: newlywed doomed for divorce..?

Jessy, don't look at counselling as something negative. Look at it as a guide to the path your taking. If you had to go somewhere and were lost, you'd use a map to find your way there. A Counselor, like a map, will point the way and they will hold up a sign post, to show you the path. You can find someone to help in your community, goolge it, or use your church. There are many inexpensive or free resources available.
As far as wanting back that part of your life. Your only thinking of what you had in the beginning and thought you were going to have later. It wasn't true. You know that, but your going to think about it and what could have been for a long time. That's normal. And that's why you need some counselling. Give it a shot, it will help you move on to the life you deserve.
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Old 05-11-2012, 03:48 PM   #73 (permalink)
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I've foolishly begged my husband to stop this mess.. To stand up to the committment to vowed to and push through what I believe may just be a rough patch. Every marriage has it's ups and downs and if you truely love that person then you stick together no matter what..

He simply says "this is the way it is now, there's no going back, I don't want you. Move on.."

I filled my xanax rx today.. took 4 and had to get a ride home from work I was so messed up. Passed out for 5 hours.. Just woke up and my first thought was "damn.. should've just take then whole damn bottle.." He doesn't care if I live or die..

I couldn't do that to my family though. How could my little brother's live with that???

I'm feeling more and more desperate by the minute. Feeling drastically needy of him, then HATING him.. then just wanting to be completely numb and nonexistent..
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Old 05-11-2012, 04:12 PM   #74 (permalink)
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Default Re: newlywed doomed for divorce..?

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He simply says "this is the way it is now, there's no going back, I don't want you. Move on.."

I filled my xanax rx today.. took 4 and had to get a ride home from work I was so messed up. Passed out for 5 hours.. Just woke up and my first thought was "damn.. should've just take then whole damn bottle.." He doesn't care if I live or die..

I couldn't do that to my family though. How could my little brother's live with that???

I'm feeling more and more desperate by the minute. Feeling drastically needy of him, then HATING him.. then just wanting to be completely numb and nonexistent..
Listen, JR, you need counseling. All the pills in the world are not going to change your thinking. Believe me, I've gone that route. I was wacking myself out on Klonopin just to make it through another agonizing day in he!! with a husband who was so drunk, he was crapping all over all family room floor. Thankfully, I had tile floors!

You need to let this go, because what you have on your hands almost sounds like addiction. The more he pulls away, the less available he becomes, the more you want him.

You are considering, to some degree, taking enough pills to off yourself. You also are not able to deal with the anger you feel at this point. Having a desire to get numb and be nonexistent is dangerous.

You start mixing pills with booze, and you could end up in the E.R. - with an i.d. tag on your toe - if you catch my drift.

It sounds like you have a family to support you. Can you speak freely with your parents, siblings, best friends? If you start feeling seriously suicidal - and it sounds like you are at least contemplating it - please get your a$$ to the E.R. NOW.

You are being overwhelmed by conflicting emotions. Frankly, it might just be the real truth that you married a royal butthead. Still, you are grieving a loss, but it sounds like you don't know how to grieve in a way that is particularly healthy.

Do you feel you need more help/support than you are currently getting?
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Old 05-11-2012, 04:38 PM   #75 (permalink)
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Default Re: newlywed doomed for divorce..?

JessyRose, are you still here? I hope you are. Would you feel better hanging out here for awhile and talking about this some more?

When you started this thread, you mentioned your husband has gotten physical in the past. I really want you to understand, to some degree, that your husband has been a d!ckhead.

So, what does that mean? He's a d!ckhead, and it doesn't have squat to do with you. Sure, you feel the sting and pain of rejection, but consider who is rejecting you.

I would really like to know you are still here online. It appears you are, but I would feel a lot better if you would start venting, responding, heck - start screaming, if it works!
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