General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
JessyRose, are you still here? I hope you are. Would you feel better hanging out here for awhile and talking about this some more?
When you started this thread, you mentioned your husband has gotten physical in the past. I really want you to understand, to some degree, that your husband has been a d!ckhead.
So, what does that mean? He's a d!ckhead, and it doesn't have squat to do with you. Sure, you feel the sting and pain of rejection, but consider who is rejecting you.
I would really like to know you are still here online. It appears you are, but I would feel a lot better if you would start venting, responding, heck - start screaming, if it works!
I feel I may be beyond help.. I simply cannot see a tomorrow.. All I want is my marriage back.. or what I THOUGHT it was back.. I've voiced my feelings to him and he just remains cold as ice. Could be holding back feelings, like always, but still hurts like HELL.
I've always been into poetry and lately my poems are disturbing me.. I'm a happy go lucky woman, my glass is alway half full.. I no longer have a glass.
I'm tired of hearing "stop throwing yourself a pity party, snap out of it, its not that bad, movve on" That INFURIATES me!
I fantasize about going to the apartment and having him come home to me lying there, gone.. Will he grow the F**K up and see what he's done then?? He doesn't take me seriously. Everyone dismisses me as just being heartbroken but it's SO much deeper than that!
I can feel ok for about 10 minutes of the day but all the rest of the time I'm praying I won't wake up..
The ONLY reason I'm still here is because it would KILL my little brothers and father.. So what, again I put everyone else before me? Live a miserably lonely life so they can stilll have me.. I'd just be bringing them down anyway, feel like I'm just a burden..
JessyRose, are you still here? I hope you are. Would you feel better hanging out here for awhile and talking about this some more?
When you started this thread, you mentioned your husband has gotten physical in the past. I really want you to understand, to some degree, that your husband has been a d!ckhead.
So, what does that mean? He's a d!ckhead, and it doesn't have squat to do with you. Sure, you feel the sting and pain of rejection, but consider who is rejecting you.
I would really like to know you are still here online. It appears you are, but I would feel a lot better if you would start venting, responding, heck - start screaming, if it works!
my husbands new kick is interrogating me about sleeping with someone/anyone. He knows how much I love and need sex. To be STRAIGHT UP, I'm not even having sex with myself. This issue goes so much farther than just SEX, come on! He says he believes I've been sleeping with a friend of mine for "a long time" which is BS because if you remember from my prior posts, all I did was beg HIM for sex that HE wouldn't give ME! He tells me he wants so badly to just F**K any girl right now but he isn't ready. WTF??? I told him "you do whatever the heck you need to do and believe whatever you wanna believe because I KNOW I did ALL I could have EVER done for you, for our marriage. The last few days I stayed out late with friends and family because I couldn't drown with him in that apartment. He claims I was screwing around.. COME ON, this isn't HIGH SCHOOL!! I told him "I'm going to therapy because of this, I took 4 fU**ing xanax this morning inn hopes to be numb. This all coming from a woman who won't even take MIDOL unless I can't move from the cramps!! Having said all that, all he says is "you have personal issues you need to work out, you're being drastic. move on" THIS BASTARD WOULDN'T GIVE A SH*T IF I WAS DEAD TOMORROW..
Jessy, your living back home now, give your Dad the pills. NOW!!!
Your STBX was an immature 3 year old POS. Stop worrying about him, he only wants to bring you down. That's the only way he gets to you. He's getting a rise form you. Ignore him or he'll continue.
You, thank God, had the maturity to know better than ruin your life with that.
Your better than that... You are strong, you stood up for yourself, be proud.
Not everyone can do that...look at the people on these boards that are much worse than you, because they didn't have your strength. You may not feel it , but 'Your A Rock Star' to them.
If it's that bad today tell someone now! You mean something to your family. Don't screw the Rx, it's for help, not hurt.
Let us know if you talk to your Dad. Will you?
Jessy, your living back home now, give your Dad the pills. NOW!!!
Your STBX was an immature 3 year old POS.
You, thank God, had the maturity to know better than ruin your life with that.
Your better than that... You are strong, you stood up for yourself, be proud.
Not everyone can do that...look at the people on these boards that are much worse than you, because they didn't have your strength. You may not feel it , but 'Your A Rock Star' to them.
If it's that bad today tell someone now! You mean something to your family. Don't screw the Rx, it for help, not hurt.
Let us know if you talk to your Dad. Will you?
I'm generally a well spoken, positive, independently STRONG woman.. Right now, I don't know who that person is.. where did she go??
I feel incapable. I can't even make it through a 5hr work day at a FREAKING RETAIL STORE.. I feel incredibly week, negative.. lost,alone. I could have all my friends and family in a room with me and still feel utterly ALONE because my one true love, the love of my life, my best friend isn't there.. and never will be. Then on the other hand, all those feelings seem to have been one sided.. If he TRUEY loved me, if I TRUELY was his best friend and soulmate, how could he ignore my please??
THIS BASTARD WOULDN'T GIVE A SH*T IF I WAS DEAD TOMORROW..
You are right. He may not very well give a horse's patoot if you were lying half-dead in the road. He might step over you.
But he is not the person who validates you. He is someone who took your parents' money, took YOUR name, and then took his own dignity as a man by shoving you around.
Please consider the source. Because right now you are looking at a piece of crap. And you allowing that piece of crap to define you.
This is when you have to look at yourself. You are young. You have an entire lifetime ahead of you. Yes, you are going through a great deal of pain. We all hate pain. It sucks. We want to get around it.
The only way we get through the pain is to walk right into it. Going into "the belly of the beast" will get us to the other side.
Please listen to me. I attempted suicide twice in my life when two different men I loved rejected me. Granted, in hindsight, I can tell you that both of them were worth less than dirt.
But at the time, my self-esteem hinged on their acceptance. I had to learn to accept myself again. It was hard work, and I spent many a night holding myself in a tight ball while rocking back and forth on the floor and crying.
I made it through to the other side. You can too. You are a person of worth, value, and wonderful qualities. You have a contribution to make to the world. Right now you may not know that, but you have been given the attributes that make you uniquely you. And you are very, very valuable.
Maybe not to your husband, but I assure you, there are many people who treasure you. Heck, I don't even know you, and I care what happens to you! Think about that. I am a total stranger out here in cyberspace and I genuinely give a damn what happens to you.
You are right. He may not very well give a horse's patoot if you were lying half-dead in the road. He might step over you.
But he is not the person who validates you. He is someone who took your parents' money, took YOUR name, and then took his own dignity as a man by shoving you around.
Please consider the source. Because right now you are looking at a piece of crap. And you allowing that piece of crap to define you.
This is when you have to look at yourself. You are young. You have an entire lifetime ahead of you. Yes, you are going through a great deal of pain. We all hate pain. It sucks. We want to get around it.
The only way we get through the pain is to walk right into it. Going into "the belly of the beast" will get us to the other side.
Please listen to me. I attempted suicide twice in my life when two different men I loved rejected me. Granted, in hindsight, I can tell you that both of them were worth less than dirt.
But at the time, my self-esteem hinged on their acceptance. I had to learn to accept myself again. It was hard work, and I spent many a night holding myself in a tight ball while rocking back and forth on the floor and crying.
I made it through to the other side. You can too. You are a person of worth, value, and wonderful qualities. You have a contribution to make to the world. Right now you may not know that, but you have been given the attributes that make you uniquely you. And you are very, very valuable.
Maybe not to your husband, but I assure you, there are many people who treasure you. Heck, I don't even know you, and I care what happens to you! Think about that. I am a total stranger out here in cyberspace and I genuinely give a damn what happens to you.
From the brief summary I gave my therapist, he says that my "husband" either has a mental issue to want to live the way he is living right now over working things out with his wife.. agreed.
He says that, or he tried to be someone he isn't, tried to make a life he couldn't keep up with (lies) and then blames it on "not being compatible" and runs, reverting to his old life..
I'm not sure if I posted this or not but, this SOB called my dad and says "your daughter isn't so innocent in all this.. I bet she's been scrwing around on me. Our sex life was so boring I had to look at porn and all she did was yell and fight with me" THIS IS WHAT HE TELLS MY FATHER!!!! NO RESPECT!
Needless to say, my brothers and father are sick over all his and reall want to 'handle' it.. but knowing my (whatever you wanna call him) he's be a little BIOTCH and call the cops as soon as they openned their mouths to him
I am glad to hear you have the support of your dad and brothers while going through this in addition to those in this thread. Prodigal shared some wise words. It's so difficult to imagine to have hope for the future when you are feeling alone and unloved, but I have been there too and looking back at that time in my life today I am so grateful I did not do anything permanent because I am truly happy and blessed as you will be at some point. If you do have any strong urges to harm yourself, please let your dad know or contact this hotline:
Surround yourself with family & friends and stay busy...it sounds as though you have many good people in your life that truly care about you. Flip-flopping between anger and sadness is normal when your world has been flipped upside-down.
Jess, we are not here to pester you, but we want to make sure you are going to be okay. This husband of your's showed your father MAJOR disrespect.
You can label him all you like, but he is what he is. Just a guess here, but the guy sounds like a raging narcissist. I married one. They are very, very scary. And they hate it when their victim/enabler leaves them.
You are seeing what can happen.
Please keep posting. Start a new thread, if you feel like it. People are here who want to help you through this. D@mn, girl, I went through this myself!
Do you want me to PM you during the night? I have no idea what time zone you are in - I'm in the Eastern Time Zone - but I generally get up in the middle of the night anyway to turn off the t.v. Not to mention the two cats who think they own my bed who crawl all over me, so I have to rearrange their sleeping areas!
We are here to help. Just let us know what you need.
Jess, we are not here to pester you, but we want to make sure you are going to be okay. This husband of your's showed your father MAJOR disrespect.
You can label him all you like, but he is what he is. Just a guess here, but the guy sounds like a raging narcissist. I married one. They are very, very scary. And they hate it when their victim/enabler leaves them.
You are seeing what can happen.
Please keep posting. Start a new thread, if you feel like it. People are here who want to help you through this. D@mn, girl, I went through this myself!
Do you want me to PM you during the night? I have no idea what time zone you are in - I'm in the Eastern Time Zone - but I generally get up in the middle of the night anyway to turn off the t.v. Not to mention the two cats who think they own my bed who crawl all over me, so I have to rearrange their sleeping areas!
We are here to help. Just let us know what you need.
Thank you for the support, really.. and you can PM me anytime. I share a family computer now so may not be able to access it too often but I do try..
The thing that troubles me is that HE's the one who wants out. I mean, I'm not perfect. I became super paranoid and was very nasty in our fights but whenever I discuss this with him it becomes a chicken and egg thing. He tells me he's dying inside and beating himself up, feels like a failure but in the same breathe he says "this is the way it is now, i haveno regrets and I'm not ashamed of anything" wtf??? It KILLS me that he's scorned me over and over and I always forgave him and gave chance after chance.. and HE'S the one that hates ME, he's the one that wants out and blames me for "screwing around" which I NEVERRRR did
Jess, I am going through something similar...H left 5 weeks ago. He withdrew any time I expressed feelings about anything, and now is has simply run away because its easier than working on anything. He is lazy, didn't support himself financially for years, took advantage of his parents and me. Now I suspect he is cheating. Who knows. The thing you should know is that the beat thing for you to do right now is cut off all contact. Concentrate on crying it all out, sleeping and eating, exercising if you can. Eqch day, just talk yourself that all you need to think about is getting through that day. I am still just putting one foot in front of the other, and may have to live this way for a while. When you have a thought about your H, try to catch it, toss it out and replace it with something positive. It is hard at first, but in time it will happen automatically. Posted via Mobile Device
I wish he could really see all the damage he's causing me and actually give a damn!
I know you want him to understand what he is doing, but I doubt it is in him to have such an epiphany. I think you know he hasn't given a damn for a long time. Maybe he never really cared, and was just manipulating you.
I certainly do not want to talk down to you, but I was 24 once myself. And I understand that my perspective on what I wanted from people is radically different than what I want, need, or expect now.
Life changes, and so will you. What you are doing now is hurting yourself. His behavior? He's behaving like a nut. He doesn't care. I mean, c'mon, the guy is willing to just sleep on the floor without a bed?
It is almost 11 p.m. in my area of Planet Earth. I am going to get some shut eye. I ALWAYS wake up somewhere between 2-3 a.m. I will check up on you.
We all want to make sure you are not going to hurt yourself. Please. Do not even think further about it. You have this one, precious, short life. Do not waste it on the goof that emotionally and physically abused you, disrespected your father, and doesn't appear to have the ability to care or feel bad about his inappropriate actions.
You are very angry at him. I understand that. You have been used and betrayed. But believe me - get into counseling to work through this. The man is not worth it.
You can move past this and have a life that is fulfilling. You deserve a lot better than this, and you know it.
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Re: newlywed doomed for divorce..? 
