I'm 24 years old, been with my husband for a little over 2 years, married 1. (went to high school together, so I know you're thinking we married too young/soon) He'll be 24 in a few months, so we're the same age. We have no kids, no do we want any. That's never been an issue.
To set the premise for you: From day one weve had nothing but similar interestes, hobbies, wants, needs, outlooks and goals. Like any normal, human couple, we've had our minor disagreements but nothing out of the ordinary..We were perfect for each other. Had sex regularly, I won't be graphic, but put it to you this way; he was never left wanting for anything in any way AT ALL.
Having said that.. Once while we were engaged I had found a bunch of porn on our shared computer, now given how our sex life (as far as I could see) was more than perfect, I couldn't understand why the need for this.. When I first brought this to his attention, he denied even looking at the porn and denied "doing" anything, if you know what I mean. Once I PULLED the truth out of him, told him that no matter how ugly or pretty, any truth is better than a lie, he told me it was because I was boring him in bed, that I just wasn't enough basically. After long talks and whatnot, he said he was just bored in general (at that moment in time) it had really nothing to do with me. So me being accepting of the male being took it for what it was, told him it made me feel insecure and I didn't want it to happen again. That if that was something he was interested in then I would happily participate, just be open and honest. We moved on. Then about 8 months into our married life, he did it again but tried to hide it and lied again. Once I got him to finally admit the truth to me again, he said he was just bored and looking for stimulation at that moment. Mind you, I was in the bed in the other room ready, willing and able for whatever he needed.. We talked it out, he opened up to me by telling me how porn has just always been a part of his life from a young age and he mostly just watches it for entertainment and sexual ideas to play out with me. I accepted that answer and just repeated to him how it made me feel, that I wanted to be included and that still, no matter how ugly or pretty, any truth is better than a lie. I asked him to please never lie or hide anything from me again. He swore on our marriage..
Over the past month or two he's been completely silent with me. Totally shut me out. I've been basically pulling teeth trying to get him to talk to me about his thoughts, his feelings, anything at all. After a few weeks of me begging for communication (something that was one of our biggest strong points) I finally became nasty. No longer patient, just wanting answers so I would yell and fight with him. After about one week of that, in the middle of a fight I needed to step out, take a breather and he wouldn't let me leave. he blocked the doors, stood "guard" and screamed in my face that if I even stepped foot outside, I wasn't welcome back in. This irrational threat made me more furious. So you won't talk to me but I can't step outside for a breather?? No sense.. He kept telling me to sit down and I wouldn't so he grabbed me by the wrists and threw me down onto the couch. I struggled to get out from under him, now only seeing red.. He held me down and just yelled in my face. Finally he let me go and I ran SO fast out that door.. Sat in a parking lot, cried and all that. I came home about 4 hours later to a silent home. He was angry at me for leaving, but what was I to do?? I told him his behavior was unacceptable and I needed answers. Took 2 more days but he finally says that he's changed. He agrees that what he has done (silence and rage) is abusive and he feels it can't be fixed. He tells me that he doesn't know what he wants, who he wants (no, there's nobody else). He says he's no longer attracted to me. I told him I felt it was because of all the fighting but he says no, he thinks I'm fat and ugly. I must say that as a realist I would accept this if I had changed at all during our relationship but I truely have not. I haven't gained a single pound, I still look, act and dress the exact SAME. The only difference is that I've recently had a few minor breakouts on my face because of the hormonal change from having an IUD inserted. I swear to you, that's IT.
I really don't know where to go from here.. I'm so young yet I feel ancient. I feel used and empty, I feel alone and insecure. I've always been confident and openminded to everything and everyone but this is a pill I just can't swallow. Could this just be a phase he's going through? I know it sounds corny, but we are the type of people who believe in true love, soulmates and don't subscribe to the typical media shallowness, if you know what I mean. We always kind of wrote our own ticket. To see this sudden change in the one person I've ever felt comfortable with, trusted, vowed to grow old with.. It's killing me. I haven't slept, haven't eaten. I've been "not-sleeping" on the couch and he says he doesn't even miss me. On top of it all, last week our car was totaled in an accident in which I was driving. He seems to be completely unphased by even this.. Like it really doesn't matter. All I hear from him is confusion, anger, disgust even resentment.
Please, please, someone help me get out of this hole...
To set the premise for you: From day one weve had nothing but similar interestes, hobbies, wants, needs, outlooks and goals. Like any normal, human couple, we've had our minor disagreements but nothing out of the ordinary..We were perfect for each other. Had sex regularly, I won't be graphic, but put it to you this way; he was never left wanting for anything in any way AT ALL.
Having said that.. Once while we were engaged I had found a bunch of porn on our shared computer, now given how our sex life (as far as I could see) was more than perfect, I couldn't understand why the need for this.. When I first brought this to his attention, he denied even looking at the porn and denied "doing" anything, if you know what I mean. Once I PULLED the truth out of him, told him that no matter how ugly or pretty, any truth is better than a lie, he told me it was because I was boring him in bed, that I just wasn't enough basically. After long talks and whatnot, he said he was just bored in general (at that moment in time) it had really nothing to do with me. So me being accepting of the male being took it for what it was, told him it made me feel insecure and I didn't want it to happen again. That if that was something he was interested in then I would happily participate, just be open and honest. We moved on. Then about 8 months into our married life, he did it again but tried to hide it and lied again. Once I got him to finally admit the truth to me again, he said he was just bored and looking for stimulation at that moment. Mind you, I was in the bed in the other room ready, willing and able for whatever he needed.. We talked it out, he opened up to me by telling me how porn has just always been a part of his life from a young age and he mostly just watches it for entertainment and sexual ideas to play out with me. I accepted that answer and just repeated to him how it made me feel, that I wanted to be included and that still, no matter how ugly or pretty, any truth is better than a lie. I asked him to please never lie or hide anything from me again. He swore on our marriage..
Over the past month or two he's been completely silent with me. Totally shut me out. I've been basically pulling teeth trying to get him to talk to me about his thoughts, his feelings, anything at all. After a few weeks of me begging for communication (something that was one of our biggest strong points) I finally became nasty. No longer patient, just wanting answers so I would yell and fight with him. After about one week of that, in the middle of a fight I needed to step out, take a breather and he wouldn't let me leave. he blocked the doors, stood "guard" and screamed in my face that if I even stepped foot outside, I wasn't welcome back in. This irrational threat made me more furious. So you won't talk to me but I can't step outside for a breather?? No sense.. He kept telling me to sit down and I wouldn't so he grabbed me by the wrists and threw me down onto the couch. I struggled to get out from under him, now only seeing red.. He held me down and just yelled in my face. Finally he let me go and I ran SO fast out that door.. Sat in a parking lot, cried and all that. I came home about 4 hours later to a silent home. He was angry at me for leaving, but what was I to do?? I told him his behavior was unacceptable and I needed answers. Took 2 more days but he finally says that he's changed. He agrees that what he has done (silence and rage) is abusive and he feels it can't be fixed. He tells me that he doesn't know what he wants, who he wants (no, there's nobody else). He says he's no longer attracted to me. I told him I felt it was because of all the fighting but he says no, he thinks I'm fat and ugly. I must say that as a realist I would accept this if I had changed at all during our relationship but I truely have not. I haven't gained a single pound, I still look, act and dress the exact SAME. The only difference is that I've recently had a few minor breakouts on my face because of the hormonal change from having an IUD inserted. I swear to you, that's IT.
I really don't know where to go from here.. I'm so young yet I feel ancient. I feel used and empty, I feel alone and insecure. I've always been confident and openminded to everything and everyone but this is a pill I just can't swallow. Could this just be a phase he's going through? I know it sounds corny, but we are the type of people who believe in true love, soulmates and don't subscribe to the typical media shallowness, if you know what I mean. We always kind of wrote our own ticket. To see this sudden change in the one person I've ever felt comfortable with, trusted, vowed to grow old with.. It's killing me. I haven't slept, haven't eaten. I've been "not-sleeping" on the couch and he says he doesn't even miss me. On top of it all, last week our car was totaled in an accident in which I was driving. He seems to be completely unphased by even this.. Like it really doesn't matter. All I hear from him is confusion, anger, disgust even resentment.
Please, please, someone help me get out of this hole...