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General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

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Old 04-19-2012, 04:31 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife left me. Say's she loves me but not in love.

Good keep up the positive attitude, keep up with the counseling and mostly keep talking and being honest with eachother..being intimate is all about getting into eachothers minds, learning more and more about eachother and that's how you can break down those walls and see where it can lead to.
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Old 04-19-2012, 04:50 PM   #62 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife left me. Say's she loves me but not in love.

Good to hear a positive report for once. Good luck to you and your wife. Hope the two of you make it through the other side together.
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Old 04-19-2012, 08:57 PM   #63 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife left me. Say's she loves me but not in love.

Both are home together.Sucks a little because I think my wife is just waiting till July to move on but I am trying to think positive and keep faith. She doesn't want any affection because her feelings are not there like mine are. Sucks for me because I haven't seen her in 6 days and want some sort of touch from her. Guess I just have to ride this out and hope she can see that it can work out. We have counseling sessions setup and will be going to at least 12 for free. Now have to figure out how to keep my urges down for her affection and touch. Great.........
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Old 04-19-2012, 09:09 PM   #64 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife left me. Say's she loves me but not in love.

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Both are home together.Sucks a little because I think my wife is just waiting till July ... She doesn't want any affection because her feelings are not there like mine are. Sucks for me because I haven't seen her in 6 days and want some sort of touch from her.
She's back home. You are miserable. Do you think it would be better to have her NOT at home? Yes, you were miserable that she left, but now she is right in your space and it still sucks. Maybe more so, since she is there, but she is off bounds to you.

JMO, but when a couple is going through some heavy stuff like this, it often helps to stay in neutral corners - as in living separate rather than apart.

Your wife has MAJOR issues. Big time. And you are sitting in the same house, wanting to reach out to her, but she is unreachable.

Sounds like living he!! to me. Do you want to reconsider having her in the house? Is that possible?
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Old 04-20-2012, 01:26 AM   #65 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife left me. Say's she loves me but not in love.

Well as the day went on and we spent time together she started to open up. I can tell we are at a better place by how we are communicating. I should of maybe gave it a little more time instead of rushing things. We talked hung out laughed no serious talks or emotions at each other helped each other clean the yard.

We then laid down together holding one another and it just felt right to both of us. No kissing or such went on but just being by each other just felt right. We fell asleep for a little because we're both lacking tons of sleep from this past week and we woke up and began talking again about us. She finally opened up about her parents divorce and so did I since I went through the same thing and we agreed that the reason why it had such a impact on both of our lives mine being at a younger age and her being a adult is because we idolize our parents. She started to understand that just because our parents divorce doesn't mean that has to be us. Continued on with more great conversation and I could tell we were finding that friendship we had where we could be open and honest to one another.

She left for work for the night but I can see us moving on from this. I know I need to take it slow and let things come natural as forcing will do nothing but put me in the same boat I was just in. We even talked about trying to hang out with close friends who we've know from our last station to bring back our old times of how we just had fun with them because there was no drama. So, I think I just need to be patient and understand that I can't have affection the moment she stepped into this house again. I have to let it happen on its own.
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Old 04-20-2012, 07:38 AM   #66 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife left me. Say's she loves me but not in love.

Things sound to be going well!!!
Good luck!!!!
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Old 04-20-2012, 08:33 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife left me. Say's she loves me but not in love.

Starting to regret her coming back. I am going to receive zero affection the entire time I just know it. Because she doesn't have those feelings like that anymore. How dumb am I to believe I might be able to get her to come back into being my wife.
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Old 04-20-2012, 08:52 PM   #68 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife left me. Say's she loves me but not in love.

You need to calm down, you brain is on overload. Take it easy. One day at a time, I know it's not happening fast enough for you but there is still hope.
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Old 04-20-2012, 09:34 PM   #69 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife left me. Say's she loves me but not in love.

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You need to calm down, you brain is on overload. Take it easy. One day at a time, I know it's not happening fast enough for you but there is still hope.
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Very true, guess it takes someone to actually point this out. My mind is on overload and maybe I just need to not care and let it be.
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Old 04-20-2012, 09:52 PM   #70 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife left me. Say's she loves me but not in love.

Listen I was the same way as your wife.. Put up walls..squirreled away from his hugs but I did come back around and now we can't keep our hands off of eachother. Lots of cuddling. Sadly my story is a bit different tho..I was fed up with hubby and his anger and stress every day..was thinking of leaving him..got in a fight, found my ex bf and had an EA..kicked hubby out after a huge fight, let him back home, he changed alot for the better but I was afraid and put up my guard, didn't think his changes would stay..went to marriage counseling yet kept in touch with ex bf. Finally told hubby and he kicked me out, went to sisters..finally stopped talking to the ex..Hubby talked me through a nervous breakdown, fed me, helped me pack up and took me home after having nights of not eating or sleeping..His taking care of me like that after I betrayed him is what woke me up and I fell back in love with him.. really deeply in love to where he is all I think about. We have talked alot alot every day, set boundries and are working things out from my EA. But what I'm trying to say here is that I saw no hope and was wrong..I felt totally done with our marriage, didn't think it was possible to fall back in love with him. I remember him trying so hard with cards, flowers even cheesecake and the more he did that the more he pushed me away. Hang in there, be patient and pray
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Old 04-22-2012, 03:48 PM   #71 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife left me. Say's she loves me but not in love.

@ CantSitStill

I have not been showering her with gifts, cards, or my affection. I basically have been just sitting in the house and doing normal day to day activities. I find myself praying a lot when I have the alone time just to try to keep me strong through this situation. She asked me if I still wanted to go to New York with her to meet her Dad's side of the family. I want to go but don't know if that's a smart move. I just feel being away and on a vacation could help us or her get those feelings back for me. I guess I am relying on hope but that's all I have.

I know I need to be patience and time will tell. For now I just can't see how someone just develops feelings again when it seems there mind is set on living apart. Guess in 3 months we will see. Love the advice from this community helps a ton. I am going to continue to do what I am doing now. I haven't been a push over doing anything and everything for her. I basically am trying to do the 180 either I move on with her or without her.
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Old 04-22-2012, 03:56 PM   #72 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife left me. Say's she loves me but not in love.

Do the 180 for you, not her.

Start living for yourself: work out, get in shape, go out to see friends without her, buy yourself a nice new wardrobe of a style you've never worn before, take up new hobbies, BE INTERESTING, for yourself.

Treat her like a college roommate. Be pleasant, positive and polite, but don't orbit around her waiting for her to say something. Do not ask her permission to go do what you want. If you have plans to go out, then go out, but don't feel like you need to wait for her permission. Get dressed up swank, tell her your going out and then GO. Don't invite her to go do things anymore.

By doing this you are breaking yourself free from her influence and emotional controls. She may feel threatened by this... or she may welcome it. The 180 will show you very quickly where her feelings towards you stand. It will either make her notice you and draw her to you, or it will justify her determination to break up with you.

Either way, the 180 will help strengthen you to accept whatever decision she makes.
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Old 04-22-2012, 04:13 PM   #73 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife left me. Say's she loves me but not in love.

@ bandit.45

I see where your coming from makes total sense. Time to be me and let her realize that I am ok with being me without her by my side. Funny thing happened last night is while we were sleeping I felt like I needed to go for a walk to clear my mind. So, without her noticing I left the bed and house. Took my stroll came back. Not only was she mad because she had no idea where I way or what I was doing. Took me for shock because she is the one with no feelings.
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Old 04-22-2012, 04:16 PM   #74 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife left me. Say's she loves me but not in love.

Yeah, she has the right to go wherever/whenever she wants without letting you know and you don't have the right to do this??

Oh irony!

I hate it when your partner's requests don't meet the exact same things she/he should offer!
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Old 04-22-2012, 04:40 PM   #75 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife left me. Say's she loves me but not in love.

Its funny how when the table are turned the spouse that 1st wanted to walk away is now doing the chasing.

You must be doing something right.
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