bandit.45

CantSitStill

So glad to hear that you are doing all the right things..as I said it's gotta hurt like heck but I'm hope someday soon she sees that glitter of hope as I did. Praying for ya...be proud of yourself
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bandit.45

Its called transferrence. She knows what SHE would be doing out somewhere without your knowledge, and her guilty wayward mind assumes you are doing the same.

Typical.

VostroDH

I'm working on doing the 180 myself and it is hard. Even though I was the one who left (not because I don't love my husband but because change had to be initiated), I still reached out to him everyday to encourage us to both work on fixing the problems. After 4 months, he can't say if he wants me to move back and he has made no effort to show me he wants the marriage to work. Therefore, I'm beginning to think my move was the right one. I believe he wanted out of the marriage but wasn't willing to be the "bad guy".

You're doing great jdrop01!

jdrop01

Only thing that pisses me off is this no feelings crap. To me it's BS because why come back home? Why want me to come to New York with you, why do you want me to hang out on the couch and be around you? I understand you don't want physical interaction but yes I still find myself having urges to express myself to her in that way. But, then I get the I am not on that level as you are feelings BS. BUT she cared that I went on a stroll to collect my mind. I know she is confused and thinks her feelings for me has ran its course as she says but then why is she still here wanting to be around me! Makes no sense and I am tired of it. I just act like me and I do say what I want to say without no remorse. But yea the non kissing physical attraction crap is killing me. She only just says I don't have those feelings but I am attracted to you......... My situation feels so strange.

Conrad

jdrop,

What was her childhood like?

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH

VostroDH

She is confused and probably putting off addressing the real issues. Several therapists I've seen have said that in order for a reconciliation to work both people have to be willing to relate differently than they have been. Since most men relate via physical touch and most women relate via words, the exercise of trying to communicate in the way that is not as familiar can be difficult. Maybe her starting with only minor touching would help (holding hands or a stroke on the arm). You seem to have the talking part down. If she is unwilling to try, then my hunch is there more at stake here then just emotional confusion. Hopefully, the continued therapy will help get to the bottom of it.

jdrop01

I mean she has came around to letting us hug and lay on one another either on the couch or the bed. She does let me kiss her forehead and simple acts of affection. We took the dogs on a walk the other day and we held hands the entire time. I just don't understand how someone with no feelings towards someone would even let the other person touch them, hug them, kiss them on forehead, and hold hands on a leisure walk. Confused is the only thing I keep telling myself.

@Conrad

She had a decent childhood both parents were there 2 brothers and 2 sisters who all got along. Nothing major happened from what I know. She was a bad teenager her parents tell me sneaky out, trying drugs and etc. Said the only thing that kept her alive where her brothers and sisters other than that she would have been dead from what her mother claims. Only thing that set her off into the deep end was her best friend dying to a overdose and to me the way she felt there being so hurt she doesn't want to relive it. But, with her grandpa on his dying bed and her cousin dying in the last 2 weeks it resurfaced. She also said that losing me as a friend would kill her inside. But, I sit here and try to imagine just being friends and I don't think I can because I have to much feelings and emotions for this girl. One day at a time is what I keep telling myself. Slow and steady will mend her pain but not mine.

Conrad

Sounds like there's more.

Some kind of neglect or abuse.

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH

Dedicated2Her

I agree with this. There is a wound there that you don't know about. Wounds from childhood reverberate through your life if you don't get help and forgive the ones who did the wounding.

__________________
"Somewhere in my many trail runs and weight lifting sessions I found more than physical strength. I found I had the emotional strength I needed to survive my divorce and come out happy on the other side." Yep.

CantSitStill

I have a feeling she will come around once she gets her confused mind straight. Hopefully with counseling. Maybe buy a book and keep it near by and maybe she will start reading and getting her head together..what I mean is like a self help book or book about marriage..worth a try. You're doing great..keep it up and stay patient.
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Po12345

Have you been able to get out much on your own, with friends? It is good to fill your time with activities apart from her, for both your sakes. On staff duty on my phone or I would type more.
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jdrop01

I am starting to take myself back into the gym, use to be a gym nut. Finally got myself to go today. Lost 10lbs..... yuck.

Can't wait to go back to work since we're on different shifts. Maybe my absence will click in her mind and see what it is like without me. I don't want to give up but I feel like doing it every second of the day.

Davi

I think there are high chances that there is someone else or the problem is other than that because it is very silly reason that she doesn't want to live with you because her parents are separated....

lovelygirl

You're totally right. This doesn't make sense at all. Someone either has feelings for you or they don't!!!
How can you hold hands with someone if you don't feel for him anymore???
Where is she trying to get with this????

Did you ask her what's the point of letting you do all this and then telling you she's got no feelings?
If yes, what was her answer?



EDIT: or it could be that she's imagening someone else when you hold her and she likes it to some point.