jdrop01

Been searching and searching for answers and I need help bad. I've been married for 5 yrs and on Saturday my wife woke up and told me that she no longer what's to be married and is no longer in love with me.

This totally shocked me as I thought everything was fine and I even had a romantic resort date planned for that day and weekend. I asked the usually questions of to why are you not in love and she related our marriage to her parents getting divorced last year. She said her whole belief in marriage was on her parents because they were married for 25yrs until last year. She said if they couldn't work it out then why do you think we can. I broke down and didn't know what to say but tell her that we write our own path of history and it has nothing to do with her parents.

She insisted that her whole belief in marriage was on them and ever since they got divorced she started to question our marriage. Recently my wife has been dealing with a lot like her grandfather on his dying bed and her cousin dying also. I understood all the events happening and gave all the support I could without being annoying. My wife would not open up about the problems she was having. As the week went on we started to do things as normal going out, spending quality time together at the house and having sexual intercourse.

Then this past Saturday she dropped that on me. She said there is to much going on in her life and that her soul belief on marriage with her parents is no longer there since they got divorced. She says she stills loves me and wants me in her life and she even offered to stay just to not see me be hurt this bad. She said she would be devastated if I was with someone else but I let her know the only person I want is her.

She asked for space and went off to her friends. I have not heard from her since but a text saying I just need you to give me space and I am sorry but I have no answers for you.

I do not know what to do. I am a mess, I have not eaten in 2 days and barely slept. It is killing me not to be able to talk to her or see her. I want to fix this even if professional help is needed. Do I do nothing and wait for her to think things out and contact me? Any advice or help I would appreciate it.

This is me

I'll be he first to ask the obvious. Could there be someone else? Your answer will likely be no, but with a little investigation, you may discover another helped her detach emotionally from you.

Hang in there. You will get alot of advice from this site.

This is me

Be as strong as you can if you want to save this. Look into the 180 and understand it is important for you to not look like a bumbling needy one during this time. It is very unattractive and only hurts your situation.

keko

Check her emails/texts/facebook messages.

This line comes almost each and every time there is someone else in the picture.

jdrop01

I asked and did investigation. There is no one else, I've talked to her parents and figured out that when family accidents or incidents happen she takes them personal and just puts them in a backpack and throws it on her back. Her mom told me she then usually explodes and lashes out on the closest person which was me this time.

My wife even said to me that there is no one else and that she would never hurt me in that way because she knows I would never do that to her. She kept focusing on her parents divorce and all her family deaths. Said it was to much and she can't work at the marriage anymore.

It just blows my mind because not but 3 days ago she was telling me how she never wants to lose me and be together forever. We even would have sexual intercourse because she wanted it. I am at total lost everything was fine last week we booked the resort together and then the day it was time to go to the resort she left me.

jdrop01

I have checked her text and facebook and email nothing. All her text just say hope your doing ok with your family from people she works with. My wife is a very isolated person from the day I met her. She does not open up nor get over life crisis very easily. She still dwells on her friend dying almost 9yrs ago. Her mom tells me I just have to wait it out and that she will come around as long as I do not put pressure or blow her up on the phone.

I've been doing really well with not using the phone but inside it is killing me. But, I know if I keep throwing text or calls that all it is going to do is push her away even more. I just want to fix this marriage and I am 100% dedicated in doing so. I am hoping this community will shed light on me and help me through my pain.

PBear

If your wife does come back, you may want to encourage her to learn some new coping with stress tools, because the ones she got going on now seem to cause some problems. In fact, if her mom is on good terms with her, she might suggest it now already.

If you do the 180, keep in mind that it's purpose is to get you ready to move on, with or without your wife. It's NOT intended to change your wife's mind about being with you.

C

keko

Keep monitoring her to see if anything out of the ordinary comes up.

Don't contact her until she contact's you. Even then be cold to her and try not show your emotions. If she is sound in her conversations, ask her to apoligize to you for leaving her family.

jdrop01

Doing good on the no contact when I feel like calling her I call my sister or brother and vent to them makes it a lot easier than just thinking about it. I just hope I haven't lost my wife it makes no sense. I don't understand why she would offer to stay just not to see me hurt. Then say it would kill her to see me with someone else.

hookares

No children? Contact an attorney and institute divorce proceedings.
Have children? Contact an attorney and institute divorce proceedings.
You are fortunate to find this out after being married only five years.
As far as her having to deal with grief goes, EVERYBODY eventually has to handle grief. She's obviously too focused on herself to even consider your feelings and that "love but not in love" is standard fare for women who cheat on their stupid husbands and usually while they are out in the world busting their hump providing for them.

jdrop01

Wife hasn't tried to contact me at all today or even come home. Do I just wait it out? I'm just hoping things turn around for the better.

keko

Where is she sleeping since being gone?

If she is with her parents/family I'd give it a bit more time. If friends, I would have her cheked out just to make sure she isn't with someone else.

unbelievable

I'd be shocked and amazed if there wasn't another guy in this equation.

Complexity

This worst mistake would be for you to keep pestering her. If she wants space give it, she isn't going anywhere and she isn't cheating so just give her time. Pre occupy yourself with other things in the mean time.

jdrop01

Her mom talked me and gave me the low down. Basically she felt like I was a little controlling like smoking cigarette's and how much she drank or at least only liquor because she became mean. Said that her grandfather being on his dying bed is playing a lot on her mind with her cousin also dying. She was really close to her grandfather and I seen how much it hurt her. She let me know that I just need to give her time to figure things out. She still blames her parents divorce on not believing in marriage and can't see why ours would work if her parents could not do it after 25yrs.

Her mother said it seems that when they divorced it broke her daughter's believe/faith in marriage and see's no point. When they did get divorced last year she drastically changed being cold, holding back, no affection, was just off on her own.... I stood by her side and tried to get her to open up. She tried to leave me at that moment in her life also and blamed the divorce. But, instead I talked her into trying to make our own history. I just think with all this stuffing happening to her in the past year it weighed on her to much. She doesn't know how to deal with it besides drinking it away she never talks to anyone. Her mother or father couldn't get her to open up about it.

I think I am just in boat where I have to sit back and wait. Yes, it tearing me up inside. We're suppose to meet tomorrow and talk does anyone have any advice on what I should say to try to convince her that we can make this work?