General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
A guy friend of mine told me that when he was married, he used to flirt with women at his work-place by complimenting them about their looks ..but it was all innocent. He said he didn't have intentions or fantasies about those women and he would always consider them friends and had no intentions to go further.
What I'm wondering is why he used the term 'flirt' when it wall all innocent?
To me, flirting is NEVER innocent [whether you're in a relationship or not]. To me flirting means to create a fantasies in your head while you speak to another person.
To me, usually flirting causes an anticipation that friendly does not. Not necessarily doing the naughty, but looking forward to being in the same room again. Flirting also leaves that person feeling really good about themselves. Being friendly is just nice.
1. to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet.
2. to trifle or toy, as with an idea: She flirted with the notion of buying a sports car.
I guess it depends on who the people are and what there intentions are, if any. Flirting does not always have "naughty" intentions behind it. Some people mistake "flirting" for just being nice, giving a compliment, or whatever. Some people flirt with the intention of it going further.
Flirting at work can become a SERIOUS problem very quickly. Take it from me. Unfortunately, it's how my H started his EA at work...Flirting. No such think as an 'innocent flirt' when youre married. It can turn bad very quickly especially when you aim it toward a person you already spend more time with than you do your spouse i.e. someone at work.
My wife and I have been arguing over this issue for a while now. She used to be upset if any woman flirted with me at all, even though I did nothing in return. So I avoided it even though I used to think it was harmless. Now she flirts all the time and seeks attention, and says flirting is no big deal. I call it a double standard because of her change in attitude based on what she wants. She finally admitted that this weekend, but still we don't see eye to eye on her behavior.
So I guess for me, flirting in terms of what she does has taken on a negative connotation and implies at least the possibility of sex, which obviously is a problem since we're married. But if others are doing it and there is truly nothing behind it except friendliness, then I suppose there isn't a problem.
My wife and I have been arguing over this issue for a while now. She used to be upset if any woman flirted with me at all, even though I did nothing in return. So I avoided it even though I used to think it was harmless. Now she flirts all the time and seeks attention, and says flirting is no big deal. I call it a double standard because of her change in attitude based on what she wants. She finally admitted that this weekend, but still we don't see eye to eye on her behavior.
So I guess for me, flirting in terms of what she does has taken on a negative connotation and implies at least the possibility of sex, which obviously is a problem since we're married. But if others are doing it and there is truly nothing behind it except friendliness, then I suppose there isn't a problem.
Can we give some examples of flirting (word for word, action for action) so we can all be on the same page when discussing flirting?
There's this man at the place I work. I'm 24, he's 40 and he's married and has a son.
Lately he's been acting kind of weird around me, complementing me about the way I dress, eyes and so on.
He's even started texting me telling me that he wants to be my friend and that he feels different when he's around me. In addition to this, he says decided to have this job position because of me. He wants to be "friends" with me and hang out with me.
When he leaves my offices, he turns at me while closing the door, looks at me trying to have a last eye contact. When I missed a day at work he txt-messaged me by saying that he has started to miss me.
After that I had to make him clear that he's crossing the bounderies with me. He said he wants to be my friend, but his actions show something different.
There's this man at the place I work. I'm 24, he's 40 and he's married and has a son.
Lately he's been acting kind of weird around me, complementing me about the way I dress, eyes and so on.
He's even started texting me telling me that he wants to be my friend and that he feels different when he's around me. In addition to this, he says decided to have this job position because of me. He wants to be "friends" with me and hang out with me.
When he leaves my offices, he turns at me while closing the door, looks at me trying to have a last eye contact. When I missed a day at work he txt-messaged me by saying that he has started to miss me.
After that I had to make him clear that he's crossing the bounderies with me. He said he wants to be my friend, but his actions show something different.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Bring it up with your supervisor or manager. You've asked him politely to stop. He hasn't. Next stop if your manager doesn't take care of this situation is HR.
He keeps on sending me text messages almost daily, asking how I'm doing, when I'm coming to work, when I'm leaving.
He asked me to go out with him a few times but I refused obviously.
I haven't answered to most of his text messages. I've been trying to avoid him as much as I could/can.
Bring it up with your supervisor or manager. You've asked him politely to stop. He hasn't. Next stop if your manager doesn't take care of this situation is HR.
You're right. Actually, this man knows I bring this story up to my supervisor [more over I'm his secretary so he wouldn't like to hear about this story at all].
I'll just wait and see what it happens. If it gets worse, I'll take the next step.
There's this man at the place I work. I'm 24, he's 40 and he's married and has a son.
Lately he's been acting kind of weird around me, complementing me about the way I dress, eyes and so on.
He's even started texting me telling me that he wants to be my friend and that he feels different when he's around me. In addition to this, he says decided to have this job position because of me. He wants to be "friends" with me and hang out with me.
When he leaves my offices, he turns at me while closing the door, looks at me trying to have a last eye contact. When I missed a day at work he txt-messaged me by saying that he has started to miss me.
After that I had to make him clear that he's crossing the bounderies with me. He said he wants to be my friend, but his actions show something different.
Draw your boundary with him ASAP. Save his wife some heartache.
12Likes
the concept of flirting according to you. 
