dont know

The wife left and came back. She was done but we're trying to work it out. The big problem is that she stays up to three and four o'clock in the morning, playing these f'in online games and drinking. I can't sleep. I think i'm going to lose my mind. The online game is pretty much consuming her life. She works but does not hang out with me or the kids. It seems like I can't confront her, I think she needs this time. She says she wants to work things out but also says she's numb. I dont know, I can't sleep any suggesstions.

martino

I still don't get the game addiction thing in today's world? what a waste of time.

justean

if she is back , you have to both re establish your boundaries.
the only way and my H had a talk with me, but my issue was talking to my mate til 1- 2 am . not online games.
well being the person i am, i took it on board straightaway because he was right.
where were my boundaries and respect for my marriage.
so i brought things back into persepective.
your W is confused to a large degree.
but either way try and keep communicating and tell her to talk to u.

moogvo

I am going to have to start by saying that the word "drink" IMMEDIATELY throws up a red flag for me. Don't get me wrong, I am no fuddy-duddy. I smoke, cuss and blue-collar with the best of 'em. Maybe it has to do with being brought up in a home with a shamelessly drunk and abusive (white collar) father whose hobbies included drink, shout, threaten, beat, repeat.

Maybe it is because I have had to scrape people's children up off of the pavement because someone else thought it was okay to drive home plastered. In any case, I don't see the benefit.

That said, I would suggest the following:

"Honey, I appreciate that you came back home, and that you are showing your willingness to resurrect our marriage, but if this is the way you want to live your life, then I had rather you go and do it some place else.

If we are to be a family, then your participation is a requirement. If you do not wish to participate, then the family will be better off without you in the long run."

Would she be okay if the 10 year old wanted to sit up on the computer until 3am? If not, then what makes it okay for HER to do it?

The rules have to apply to everyone. Otherwise, they cannot apply to anyone. Granted, the parents are not going to go to bed at the same time the kids do, but boundaries and guidelines must apply.

Don't give her the impression that you will have her regardless of her actions - That is her "green-light" to do as she pleases at everyone else's expense.

~Moog

Amplexor

While there is nothing wrong with some “my time” and mindless distractions anything to excess is a warning sign. Did she behave this way before? It sounds like depression or avoidance. Have you discussed this with her and suggested professional help?

__________________
Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

LucyInSC

Moog I so enjoy your posts. You never sugar coat anything.

moogvo

LOL! I don't mean to be brash, but folks are asking for help and I learned not to beat around the bush.

To know me in real life, however, I am very reserved. Go figure!

~Moog