Married and having a crush on another guy

sillygurl · 04-20-2012, 01:10 PM

Posse,
I agree this is attraction and I have no intentions of acting on my attraction. Its just the feelings of getting attracted that kills me and I'm still not able to get over attractions.

the guy · 04-20-2012, 01:12 PM

Can you make a choice right now? There is alot here, and us strangers know alot more and have experienced enough to tell you that now is the time to muster up your self disciline and stop this.

Talk to your husband and fix this crap before it goes to far.

Almostrecovered · 04-20-2012, 01:13 PM

btw- start spending 10-15 hours at least of alone time with your husband a week

otherwise you can never bond and keep the attraction

that_girl · 04-20-2012, 01:13 PM

Go for your run....think about your husband and what you love most about him. Think about when you met your husband and how giddy you'd get. Text him something dirty....

Seriously! Crush on your man!!!

And keep thinkin of your crush in the morning...all nasty and boogers in the eye, scratchin his ass and squeezin' out a big one.

that_girl · 04-20-2012, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Almostrecovered

btw- start spending 10-15 at least of alone time with your husband a week

otherwise you can never bond and keep the attraction

Hours, not minutes

Almostrecovered · 04-20-2012, 01:16 PM

thank you I have edited it

that_girl · 04-20-2012, 01:16 PM

you are attracted to being attracted.

It's not about the crush AT ALL.

It's about someone taking interest...which spouses sometimes forget to do because they're out in the world PROVIDING for our FAMILIES

Ignite your own fire for your marriage. Don't wait for your husband to do it. Just start. It's not a score keeping thing...just do it! Text him something naughty and when he replies, say nothing more. Do something for yourself that makes you feel sexy and flirt with your man.

Come on! You know you got this in you.

Entropy3000 · 04-20-2012, 01:18 PM

If your marriage is not your #1 priority this is the first step.

You must go NC with this guy. You say how? Well if there is no middle ground you will have to drop from your classes.

This is the equivalent of a workplace EA. You have bonded with this guy.

You may not have cheated yet but you admit if he encouraged you you just might.

Inappropriate -- check

Unfaithful -- check. You have put another man ahead of your husband and are aware of this. You dress up for him. You do not even think about your marriage.

Cheating -- sounds like this could happen at the snap of the OMs fingers. Which means you are ready to cheat.

If this were the workplace the answer would be that you need to quit your job immediately and go total NC. This is an EA.

This is me · 04-20-2012, 01:20 PM

If this guy has those honorable principles that you admire, you should have them as well. You need to do what you can to not be around this guy.

calvin · 04-20-2012, 01:21 PM

Sillygurl,
We're getting our happines back she looked him up on fb out of curiosity,then she started acting like a teenage girl,thing snowballed,nothing physical but I kicked her out of the house.Came real close to file for D.She wishes now she never would have had that crush on him,almost lost it all.
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that_girl · 04-20-2012, 01:23 PM

You are just missing some excitement in your relationship.
Don't eff it up even more by entertaining these thoughts.

SPICE UP YOUR MARRIAGE!

It's fun!!

Be your husband's girlfriend.

that_girl · 04-20-2012, 01:27 PM

I don't even think she should tell her husband. She just had thoughts...unless she's calling/texting him all the time.

I think she should just shift her focus to her husband.

Entropy3000 · 04-20-2012, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by that_girl

I don't even think she should tell her husband. She just had thoughts...unless she's calling/texting him all the time.

I think she should just shift her focus to her husband.

Everything she has stated indicates she is in an EA. So she is in trouble. Your advice is ceratinly dead on as far as her shifting her focus. I think she is playing with real danger here though. Not so sure she will be able to just switch this off. Why risk it? This seems more than a H.S. girl crush. She is 28. She has already indicated she does not think of her marriage and is unsure she would resist this guy.

EAs do not need texts and email to flourish. Contact works great. EAs are all about thoughts and feelings. These seem to be leading to the edge. She is already starting to think ahead to what she might do and is unsure. She is in the confused stage as her brain has shifted from her husband to this other guy she really admires.

I am not sure that telling her husband would help. He should just insist she quit school. He would be very hurt no matter what.

that_girl · 04-20-2012, 01:38 PM

I would say something like, "babe, I realized myself getting attracted to other people and realizing our marriage is missing some excitement. i don't want other people...i want you. So...it's time to fan the fire a bit

"

Point is, she is aware, she doesn't want to be in it, and she isn't making many excuses, that I can tell. To make this super heavy will defeat the purpose of setting her marriage on fire. She got sucked in but she can easily refocus and pull herself out.

Entropy3000 · 04-20-2012, 01:41 PM

Can she? Can people in EAs just turn it off? Maybe some can. Most have to choose to go NC. I hope she can just turn it off because she needs to without delay. I hope you can talk her off the proverbial ledge.

I don't think the danger here is that she will start texting him a lot. I think the danger is her stopping by his apartment after classes.

Am I wrong?