sillygurl

I was looking around for marriage forums and this is the first result that google showed. So I'm here to pour myself out.

Please accept my apologies for soliciting advice here without providing any so far. I will give my inputs once I'm, in a better state of mind.

A little about me: I'm a female, 28 years old. My Husband is a little older to me, 32, and we are married for 3-4 years now;dated for 2 years before that. I don't really have any major complaints with my husband, just the usual marital ups-downs. I started graduate school in fall 2011 and most of my classes involve group work. We are usually assigned to groups by professors and some professors allow us to choose our group members. So I happened to know this guy. There were no feelings in the Fall semester and we were all getting to know each other. Now, since the beginning of the spring semester, jan 2012, I've realized that I'm a little atracted to this guy.

This guy is actually younger to me(24 years old), of a different ethnicity, of a different religion and yet I feel a strong connection. He seems to have a lot of principles, my husband does too, but I've not met too many men with principles. He does not behave his age, he actually acts older like may be a 30 year old or something. I'm so attracted that I've actually started dressing - up for my classes, which I never did in my first semester. I look forward to seeing him, to talking to him and just being with him. We usually only discuss classes/study. He knows i'm married and we both never hang out or something(this is because of lack of time and if he would invite me to hang out, i might end up going!!). I feel so sad to say this but I'm even sexually attracted to him to a small extent. This guy is not the drop-dead good looking guy, his looks are not even average. I shoudn't say this but I want to mention it to let you all know that my attraction is not just physical. We had a Spring break 2 weeks ago and not seeing him for 2 weeks was killing me.

I am a very self controlled and disciplined person myself and I'm feeling so silly and small to know that I have this issue. I've never ever found any guy more attractive than my husband.I will be gradauting in december and that thought is scarying me because i won't be able to see this guy. I feel I'm acting like a teenager

What's going on here with me? I don't even want advice like " stay away" etc because I know that's what I should be doing anyway. I am aware that this is totally wrong and immoral of me. I feel guilty but the excitement is also addictive. May be there are issues in my marriage that need to be fixed, but I seriosuly don't even think about my marriage these days. All on my mind is : my classes, exams, this guy, dressing - up, talking to him and back .

P.S.: I feel so bad admitting to this.

Almostrecovered

well, sorry but

the only way to save yourself is to tell your husband and go no contact with this guy


if you want to wake yourself go over to the CWI section to get a glimpse of the unbelievable amount of pain inflicted by those who are betrayed

__________________
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Newbies please read this
My story

Jeff/BC

yup, there's the problem right there... no attention being paid to marriage... relationship on autopilot... new shiny thing found.

Probably, but you shouldn't. Consider the alternative of NOT admitting it. From my own chair, I'm seeing "strength" and "courage".

A Bit Much

Question.

If your husband knew how you felt about this classmate, what do you think he would say/do?

Maybe the way to end this is to be honest. Put your husband and his feelings first. If he were feeling this way for a coworker, how would you take it?

rundown

So, you come to a pro marriage board and say you don't want advice like stay away? What exactly are you looking for, validation? You won't get that here. Being around this man will kill your marriage. If you love your husband you will stay away. If you wish to feel like a teenager, leave your husband. Really the only 2 choices that would be fair to your husband.

the guy

Your ripping your H heart out, he just doesn't know it yet.

Maybe if your lucky your husband has the same feeling with another women and it will all equal out in the end....NOT!!!

I quess you can only hope your husband has these exciting feeling for some young 20yr old. Maybe he feels like a teenage also. maybe it will all work.

that_girl

Stay away.


Sometimes what you don't want to hear is exactly what you need to hear.

__________________

strugglinghusband

Can you imagine the look on your husbands face, you will see and hear his heart break, the utter anguish, the sound of his soul crushing, watching his whole life being sucked out of him....Knowing you did this to him.

It's a pain I wouldnt wish upon my worst enemy

You are married, take your vows seriously, talk to your husband, but above all stay away from this guy, I can guarantee you no good will come of it, if you do not...

keko

Can you read the bolded parts again?

calvin

My wife was doing the same thing with an ex high school boyfriend because of the "connection",know she wishes to god she could have a do over cause we came close to being over after I found out.
Setting youself up for a big hurtful fall...Stay away.
Posted via Mobile Device

sillygurl

Jeff, you are very kind. Well, yes I do agree that I needed a lot of courage to post this, despite the fact that I do not know any of you here.My H and me have absolutely little time for each other and may be this is one reason and a lack of excitement.

A bit much,
My H would be mad at me, he cannot tolerate such things andh as himself always been faithful to me.
As of today if my H would feel this way toward another woman, I would probably look at myself and change something about me.
I feel my H is taking the relationship for granted and may be that's wat is missing.

rundown,
I meant that I know I should stay away but I don't know how to do this.

the guy,
I am aware of the pain this can cause a marriage. I feel miserable myself, I definitely do not want my H to get involved in something like this.

that girl,
I definitely need to hear that, thanks.

struggling husband,
you mean I should talk to my husband about this?I do not have the courage to do that yet.

keko,
I meant that I "was" a self disciplined person all my life and this incident is crushing me. Its like I have no feelings, no chracter and no ethics. I feel sick of myself.
I want to get out of this feeling.

calvin,
you mean you found out about your wife and now you both are "happy"?


Also, I forgot to add that this guy has NO feelings for me whatsoever except respect for a classmate and a litte friendship, if I may say so.

Posse

Attraction can happen. It is a bunch of chemicals flowing in your brain. Read up on "The fog" here for a better understanding of what has happened to you.

The attraction is there, you can't reverse what has happened. What you can do is take steps to stop it in its tracks now that it has happened.

Biology is not Destiny. You are an adult capable of making grownup decisions. You need to make them, and end all contact with this guy and start reconnecting with your husband.

that_girl

Take a breath and go look at yourself in the mirror for a minute.

This crush is just something that is lacking within yourself. It's just a mirage to take your mind off whatever it is that you don't want to deal with.

Figure that out, and your crush will go away.

Besides, all crushes still poop and imagine him doing that. Squeezin' out a big one. Yep. Bust out of that fog, lady

__________________

sillygurl

Wow, brilliant words. Thanks. I should go for my run now and bust out that fog.

Posse

Seriously? Get real. You stay away by STAYING AWAY.

If you had an alcohol addiction, the way you cure it is by stopping drinking. Same theory here.

You need to Cowgirl up and just do it.