General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone
Find the husband of his coworker and talk to him about it. Express your concern's. If it goes on like this for a little longer your husband might fall for her tricks and have an affair. If its not your husband it'll be someone elses.
Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone
I dont think it's to the point where HR or her husband need to get involved. But he does need to say something to her. Alot of the contact is friendly talk but it's the few that make me wonder.
One of the emails I found was about a napkin she had left for him, apparently she has a bunch of them and it has some quote pertaining to her, inside joke, I guess. She asked if he found the one she left for him on his desk in his office and asked if he had thrown it away, because if he had she would be hurt. Anyway, before I found this email I found the napkin underneath his laptop on the coffee table at home. I didn't know what it was so I left it. Well turns out it was the napkin she gave him. In his reply back to her he said he would never do such a henious thing, and that it was at home and he would bring it in a hang it on his pin board in his office. Then she said you wouldn't throw it away or hurt my feelings? So the day after I found this email I threw the napkin away and left a few of our wedding photos, one of me that he is particulariy fond of in his padflio so he could hang them up in his office intead of the stooopid napkin.
Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone
Quote:
Originally Posted by the guy
Tell her husband to control his wife and stop asking your husband out.
You will get better results if both you and the OWH start keeping a closer eye on things.
Whats wrong with having another set of eyes on things?
It may be just as simple as informing the OWH that his wife is not behaving as though he was always around or even her inappropreaite behavior could lead to HR issues.
So do your research find this guy and ask him for help in supporting a marriage.
Make no misstake, boundries are being crossed with late night calls/texting.
I like this. I don't know why I was thinking she was unattached.
The thing is that this guy is flirting with his marriage AND his job. He is effing up.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
I dont think it's to the point where HR or her husband need to get involved. But he does need to say something to her. Alot of the contact is friendly talk but it's the few that make me wonder.
One of the emails I found was about a napkin she had left for him, apparently she has a bunch of them and it has some quote pertaining to her, inside joke, I guess. She asked if he found the one she left for him on his desk in his office and asked if he had thrown it away, because if he had she would be hurt. Anyway, before I found this email I found the napkin underneath his laptop on the coffee table at home. I didn't know what it was so I left it. Well turns out it was the napkin she gave him. In his reply back to her he said he would never do such a henious thing, and that it was at home and he would bring it in a hang it on his pin board in his office. Then she said you wouldn't throw it away or hurt my feelings? So the day after I found this email I threw the napkin away and left a few of our wedding photos, one of me that he is particulariy fond of in his padflio so he could hang them up in his office intead of the stooopid napkin.
He is encouraging her. No one but an idiot would put themselves so out there without encouragement from your H. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leahcar1985
I dont think it's to the point where HR or her husband need to get involved. But he does need to say something to her. Alot of the contact is friendly talk but it's the few that make me wonder.
One of the emails I found was about a napkin she had left for him, apparently she has a bunch of them and it has some quote pertaining to her, inside joke, I guess. She asked if he found the one she left for him on his desk in his office and asked if he had thrown it away, because if he had she would be hurt. Anyway, before I found this email I found the napkin underneath his laptop on the coffee table at home. I didn't know what it was so I left it. Well turns out it was the napkin she gave him. In his reply back to her he said he would never do such a henious thing, and that it was at home and he would bring it in a hang it on his pin board in his office. Then she said you wouldn't throw it away or hurt my feelings? So the day after I found this email I threw the napkin away and left a few of our wedding photos, one of me that he is particulariy fond of in his padflio so he could hang them up in his office intead of the stooopid napkin.
No, Leah, don't back down now...you're initial post indicated that you were very unhappy with this situation, yet now, you're saying you don't think you need to involve HR or OW's husband. Maybe not HR, but definitely the husband. Why should you be the only one going through this? Never mind nipping this in the bud. Cut down the phuckin' tree!
Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leahcar1985
I dont think it's to the point where HR or her husband need to get involved. But he does need to say something to her. Alot of the contact is friendly talk but it's the few that make me wonder.
One of the emails I found was about a napkin she had left for him, apparently she has a bunch of them and it has some quote pertaining to her, inside joke, I guess. She asked if he found the one she left for him on his desk in his office and asked if he had thrown it away, because if he had she would be hurt. Anyway, before I found this email I found the napkin underneath his laptop on the coffee table at home. I didn't know what it was so I left it. Well turns out it was the napkin she gave him. In his reply back to her he said he would never do such a henious thing, and that it was at home and he would bring it in a hang it on his pin board in his office. Then she said you wouldn't throw it away or hurt my feelings? So the day after I found this email I threw the napkin away and left a few of our wedding photos, one of me that he is particulariy fond of in his padflio so he could hang them up in his office intead of the stooopid napkin.
This hits home for me. My wife saved our marriage by intervening in a workplace EA of mine. I ultimately listened to my wife and went NC. To do so I quit a very significant position.
Either you catch this stuff soon and shut it down or there are major issues brewing that will continue to escalate with very bad consequences.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Last edited by Entropy3000; 05-07-2012 at 08:38 PM.
Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone
While your husband isn't handling this as well as he could, it doesn't appear that he's crossed any huge boundaries (for instance, he declined twice to interact with her 1::1 after she had been drinking those two Friday nights ... good for him). The married co-worked, on the other hand, is WAY outside her boundaries: the late night texts to get picked up at the bar (hoping they turn into a booty call, maybe? - why not call her own husband?), the frequent non-work emails at work (get me a snack, wtf?). She is pushing hard to turn this into something more.
As a team, you need to do three things. 1) Your husband needs to recognize how inappropriate this situation is. If he doesn't see it then you might want to bring in a 3rd party (trusted friend, clergy, counselor) to get some outside perspective. 2) Your husband needs to go to HR and file a complaint. That's the only thing that will shut her down. 3) If steps 1&2 don't get her to back off, then bring her husband into the mix. He's probably wondering what's going on with her anyway, it wouldn't hurt to bring him up to speed.
Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone
Quote:
Originally Posted by t_hopper_2012
As a team, you need to do three things. 1) Your husband needs to recognize how inappropriate this situation is. If he doesn't see it then you might want to bring in a 3rd party (trusted friend, clergy, counselor) to get some outside perspective. 2) Your husband needs to go to HR and file a complaint. That's the only thing that will shut her down. 3) If steps 1&2 don't get her to back off, then bring her husband into the mix. He's probably wondering what's going on with her anyway, it wouldn't hurt to bring him up to speed.
^^I disagree on option 2. He'll very likely lose his job if it went to the HR. Its is very possible to end it without involving other parties into the mix.
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Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone 
