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General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

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Old 04-21-2012, 05:29 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone

The deleted emails and texts takes this to a new new level, unfortunately. Time to get digging.
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Old 04-21-2012, 07:17 PM   #62 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone

He's giving her the impression that her attention is something he wants. Until he tells her to back off, she won't. He's inviting the attention. You should ask him to choose between being married to you and being flirty with this sleazy office chick. If he hesitates to cut her off entirely, you should leave him (because it means he's a cake eater). You should monitor to make sure he is doing this, with kelogger. And, if possible, you should try to convince him to get a different job so she isn't around.

This is definitely an emotional affair. It might be a secret physical affair. You need to gather some intel.
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Old 04-22-2012, 03:35 AM   #63 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone

If he's deleting emails, what makes you think he's not deleting texts?
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Old 04-22-2012, 04:38 AM   #64 (permalink)
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Talk to her husband. Let him know that there is a problem. She will get so busy trying to save her own marriage that she will most likely leave your husband alone.
Good advice , action speaks louder than words. I would suggest in addition to her husband call her boss and mention there are inappropriate overtures from this woman and it would not be in the interest of the company for this to be made public. Hint you have evidence and mention they are using company equipment but do not reveal how you obtained it.

Be confident and calm when you make these calls and do not tell your husband. If he finds out remember your marriage can survive his anger it cannot survive an affair. If he threatens you smile and suggest you can always send the evidence you have to his HR director and that his position would be made worse .
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Old 04-22-2012, 03:54 PM   #65 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone

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She asked if he found the one she left for him on his desk in his office and asked if he had thrown it away, because if he had she would be hurt.

In his reply back to her he said he would never do such a henious thing, and that it was at home and he would bring it in a hang it on his pin board in his office.

Then she said you wouldn't throw it away or hurt my feelings?
This is so out of line. She is encouraging him to make her "special" and guard that specialness. He is agreeing to it, going so far as to say that the tossing away of a napkin is "heinous". Why should a napkin have such significance? What the hell kind of guy protects a napkin? It only had significance because it is a token of their connection and relationship. She is pushing him to make her more and more precious and he is agreeing to it. He is NOT innocent here, totally complicit. He's pretending to you that it is unwanted attention, when in fact he is very actively inviting it.

You need to contact OMH. You need to expose the hell out of this fool's moronic behavior (your husband, I mean; his AP is a complete sleaze, btw, who knows exactly what she is doing) so he realizes how ridiculous it is. And, you need to tell him to drop this woman or be prepared for a divorce.

I'm sorry, but if so much sentiment is built up over a napkin, this relationship between the two of them goes much deeper than you're allowing yourself to admit.
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Old 04-22-2012, 04:03 PM   #66 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone

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After he was talking about her for a few weeks, I suggested we get together with her and her family because he kept saying how funny she was...But then he said they should come over to check out the renovations we did, so I’m confused.
He set that up completely so that you'd be the one encouraging his connection to these people and he could later deny his own agenda. He's manipulated you. See it for what it is. He's talked about her for weeks, made pathetic excuses about why they shouldn't hang out together, and then finally "conceded" to your encouragement. I bet he's hiding far more than you suspect. Are you sure they didn't know each other before meeting at work?

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Now I'm not sure I can get together with her and her husband because I feel so much resentment towards her.
The ONLY reason you should be getting together with these people is to expose and confront. And after that -- no more contact at all!

Their behavior has been so ridiculous that exposing should effectively kill that affair. Jokes about precious napkins and favorite shirts? Are they 12?

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He also said that she is friendly with everyone at work, but I don’t think she’s emailing everyone else like she has to him.
This is a classic deflector move. He is trying to minimize. He is trying to throw you off the scent by making it seem like you're jealous and overreacting. He knows perfectly well that she is congenial with others and also that her relationship with him is inappropriate and yet he is trying to make it seem totally acceptable because he is way deep in FOG.

Seriously....please don't rug sweep this situation. Keylogger, VAR, expose their idiotic behavior, and confront.
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Old 04-22-2012, 05:18 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone

Your husband is playing the innocent victim card.

He is lying.

This woman is not holding a gun to his head. He is choosing each time to continue flirting with her.

Through simple body language indicating no interest, or verbal disengagement, he could stop this at any time. He is choosing each and every time not to.

Unless he is mentally challenged, he knows exactly what game he is playing. You need to get to the issue of why he wants to jeapordize your marriage by playing it.

If it were my spouse, I'd be going high order on my spouse, first for doing it, and second for thinking I was stupid enough to believe the b.s. excuses
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Old 04-22-2012, 06:07 PM   #68 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone

We talked again last night, mainly for my sake because I don't want this to go any further. He thinks I'm blowing the whole situation way out of proportion, probably because I keep going back to the same stuff. He said he didn't care about her or her emails, texts or messages and after our last conversation he said he has done better with not emailing her back about her non work related inquiries. He did have lunch with her and 3 other people from her dept. last week and said he didn't talk to her because he was swamped and they didn't really see eachother much this week. I really pushed that he have the conversation with her tomorrow.
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Old 04-22-2012, 06:36 PM   #69 (permalink)
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We talked again last night, mainly for my sake because I don't want this to go any further. He thinks I'm blowing the whole situation way out of proportion, probably because I keep going back to the same stuff. He said he didn't care about her or her emails, texts or messages and after our last conversation he said he has done better with not emailing her back about her non work related inquiries. He did have lunch with her and 3 other people from her dept. last week and said he didn't talk to her because he was swamped and they didn't really see eachother much this week. I really pushed that he have the conversation with her tomorrow.
He doesn't care about her emails and texts? Than have him block her phone and show you each and every email communication from her going forward.

He has done better now? What does that mean? He went from 9/10 to 8/10? Have him prove it.

Really? He didn't talk to her last week? Do you buy that?

She is trolling for d!ck. He is a fish eagerly nibbling on the bait.

I wish I could tell you differently, but I'd rather you know the truth from a guy's perspective.
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Old 04-22-2012, 06:57 PM   #70 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone

Bravo, Moxy. And Amen, Posse.

Dude. This is bad stuff.
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Old 04-22-2012, 09:57 PM   #71 (permalink)
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I've reread this thread.

He could have chased her off at the first ten words. He didn't.

For your marriage, you need to find out why.

He could have cut it off any number of times since.

For your marriage, you need to find out why.

I have been there. It isn't hard to shut it down.He had a MINUMUM of 6 opportunities to say no where this woman would have understood what he was saying.

He chose not to.

Think about that.


He was too lazy to try to press the easy button. Why? I'm not saying you are responsible, but think about why he was willing to risk his marriage.

Something is lacking from your marriage. It might not be on your end. Something is lacking nonetheless.

The problem isn't with the married coworker-- the problem is with your husband!!

Last edited by Posse; 04-23-2012 at 02:13 AM. Reason: edited for typo and to add emphasis
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Old 04-23-2012, 08:25 AM   #72 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone

No contact, no contact, no contact....the only way to go.
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:53 AM   #73 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone

She's obviously a disrespecting jerk. I have a friend-relationship with a guy at work for 16 years now. We have lunch, B.S. at work and such. My husband and I took our kid to his kid's B-day party one time. I, however, was always aware of appropriate behavior. I knew where the boundaries were. I never texted him, called him, etc... I knew that would bother his wife. It was strictly a friendship and I did everything to make sure the friendship was not affecting their marriage because I know what I would feel like if it was my husband and another woman having a friendship.

She's an a$$ and she don't give a crap about your feelings or his marriage. She needs to go.
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Old 04-23-2012, 03:29 PM   #74 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone

My husband wasn't able to talk to her today because he was at his second campus most of the day and only saw her in the morning for their meeting. He was the one to bring it up right away when we were talking about his day. Guess they wore the same color shirt and she was all excited about it. He said she text and emailed him three or four times today and he did not respond to any of them. "She is getting a little pissy" is what he said. The first text said "Oh how it would be so nice to have a quenching Diet Coke for my meeting." The second text said something about him being a J/A and then she emailed him an hour and half later saying “You’re in big, big trouble young man!”

We’ll see what tomorrow brings!
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Old 04-23-2012, 03:31 PM   #75 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone

I wonder what she'd do if you picked up the phone and told her to go get her own bloody Diet Coke...Jeez!
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