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Old 04-21-2012, 05:59 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is being a virgin a dealbreaker?

No, I meant if a woman doesn't want to wait and her man does.
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:10 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is being a virgin a dealbreaker?

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Originally Posted by SlowlyGettingWiser View Post
I guess I'm the only one who feels this way, but I do not think your virginity is anything to be especially respected. The only thing to be respected is your right to make whatever choices you make regarding your body.

A virgin? That is your choice and I respect YOU and your right to make it.

Not a virgin? That is your choice and I respect YOU and your right to make it.

By suggesting that a man must respect your 'virginity,' you are implying that he has less reason to respect you once you have given it to someone. You are just as respectable to me whether you choose to be a virgin or choose to be a non-virgin.

THAT being said, I am very proud of you for making your OWN choices, free of pressure from others!

~I'm a woman, and I'm 55yo
I think that you are missing the point. It's not that anyone is saying that virginity is special and hence should be respected because it's special. It's that what ever she chooses for herself should be respected.

In our society today a lot of people look down one on people who do not lose their virginity by the time they are in their early 20's... or even in high school.
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:15 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is being a virgin a dealbreaker?

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It's her choice.
Absolutely is, I don't think anyone would argue with that. It is your body.

Still when you have sex with someone and it's your first time it does say something about your feelings for them. Especially when you've made a choice to hold out for someone special like you have thus far.

My wife could have slept with many men long before I met her, so many offers. She waited until she met the right guy and that was me. I'm honored and grateful that she chose me.

I wasn't just another guy, I was her choice. She saw me as someone special (and still does )
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:24 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is being a virgin a dealbreaker?

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What about if a woman doesn't want to wait? I'm serious...

I tried waiting once for a man I cared for to have sex. Waited over 6 months. Just odd. It didn't last. He was weird in bed.
It would be weird , wouldn't it !! Was he a believer & felt guilty/ sinful... what was his reasons and wasn't it a HUGE struggle anyway?? I assume you did other things since you said he was "weird in bed".

I know if I wanted to go "all the way"..... it wouldn't have been twisting my husbands arm by any means, he would have happily accommodated, it was my boundary since I was very young- always playing in my head.

Can't say I didn't want to..... many many many many many many many many many many times!! I was bound & determined to wait that out... Just the way I viewed life back then. But we were clearly tainted virgins...alot of hand roaming. If he didn't try to go for THAT...... I would have felt he wasn't into me or desired me..... I know that would have bothered me tremendously. I wouldn't have wanted a guy "THAT GOOD".... cause I didn't want to be "that good".

I guess I liked being "the gatekeeper".... but if he had no interest in pushing up against the gate a little.. it wouldn't have been right somehow!

Our oldest son is waiting, he is as stubborn as I was back then.... but he hasn't had the temptation of a GF yet to see how that plays out......I almost wish some Vixen on him to see if he will BREAK .....nasty I know!

My biggest fear...he is going to marry a Low Drive woman and curse the day he wanted a virgin. I know that sounds awful .... I tell him all the time.... you want to wait, I can respect that, but if she is not DYING for it, and isn't a regular masterbater... RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN !!

Great advice from your Mother huh! Just trying to realistic!

I've read far too many heartbreaking stories here. I was always high drive, I just felt guilty about my sexuality, that was my/ our problem.
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:26 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is being a virgin a dealbreaker?

Oh, he wasn't a virgin, he just wanted to wait. I was 28 and he was 41. Nice guy, but the sex thing was almost too much to deal with.

I lost my virginity in my early 20s to a great guy. We had been dating 10 months and it was ....underwhelming. lol. But over the next 2 years, it got fabulous.
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:27 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is being a virgin a dealbreaker?

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Originally Posted by lovesherman View Post
I think there are many people who wish that they had fewer partners, or had waited until they were older so that they understood the power of sex to bond you to another person.
I disagree that sex bonds you to another person. There are many married people who just see it as a duty, and actually still feel some guilt after the act even though they are married. Perhaps what might be said is that mind blowing sex that produces a loving reaction from both partners over a long period of time bonds you to another person. As this forum bears testimony these relationships are really difficult to find and to maintain when all realms of fantasy are cast aside.

To the OP I think to learn to ride a bike you must be willing to take the chance that you may fall during the process and sex and love are much the same in that regard. There is always a chance of bangs and bruises but if you are too cautious then you never get to the point of freewheeling downhill with the wind billowing your lungs and your ribcage pounding with a racing heart!
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:40 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is being a virgin a dealbreaker?

Well ... we have touched on this subject previously.

My perspective?

It is well within your right to determine what is best for you.

Just as it is within anyone's right to decide what is best for them.

I place no value on virginity. Not that I would encourage anyone to hurry up and lose it, before they feel they are ready, but it being intact, or long lost has no bearing for me.

My caveat? It becomes a deal-breaker over time. I will tell you that as a divorced forty-something, were I to meet a thirty or forty-something year old with the mindset that you have at 24, I would respectfully pass.
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:49 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is being a virgin a dealbreaker?

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Oh, he wasn't a virgin, he just wanted to wait. I was 28 and he was 41. Nice guy, but the sex thing was almost too much to deal with.
Oh, that makes no sense at all !@#$%^&*

You never got it out of him...why!

I can understand the young (who has never experienced it) desiring to wait for the love of their life....all that romantic sacredness that each has only been with each other....there is a beauty about that. .

But your 41 yr old dude ..... I don't get it .

He either had no/very low sex drive, feared the act somehow (hidden ED or PE problems), or he became a born again believer recently & felt it was wrong.

What else could it have been??
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:52 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is being a virgin a dealbreaker?

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What else could it have been??
Lost at sea, but was educated by a friendly bunch of dolphins? I'm going with that story... sounds exciting and oh so believable.
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:52 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is being a virgin a dealbreaker?

Turned out he had low drive (lookin back I see this now).

We dated for 3 years and sex was frustrating. I just believed him and others that I had a problem and was just "too much" and "like a dude".

lol. All water under the bridge. After breaking up with him because he had no spine (separate issues), I really thought about what I wanted in a man and sexuality compatibility was in the top 5.

I didn't settle. Hubs and I are very much compatible.

so be a virgin but work on having a healthy outlook on sex.
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:58 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is being a virgin a dealbreaker?

Originally posted by SimplyAmorous
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My biggest fear...he is going to marry a Low Drive woman and curse the day he wanted a virgin. I know that sounds awful ....
Doesn't sound awful to me. I have a 14yo daughter and I told her AGAIN today, as a matter of fact, that it is perfectly reasonable to expect to graduate from high school as a virgin. It is easy to do, and reasonable to expect. I reiterated that kids that age are not EMOTIONALLY ready for everything that sex entails. That too many of the kids feel coerced by peer pressure (BF or GF, siblings, friends, media) and are disappointed with the experience or regretful/unhappy with themselves.

That being said, I have made it clear that I fully expect that she will have sex in college. Not gonna be shocked. Not gonna make judgements. Not gonna care. It is part of the growing into full adulthood experience. As long as she is careful, health-conscious, safe and happy, THAT is what matters. I hope to GOD she DOESN'T wait until marriage!
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:59 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is being a virgin a dealbreaker?

^^ Similar conversations in this house.
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Old 04-22-2012, 04:30 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is being a virgin a dealbreaker?

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My caveat? It becomes a deal-breaker over time. I will tell you that as a divorced forty-something, were I to meet a thirty or forty-something year old with the mindset that you have at 24, I would respectfully pass.
Obviously I wouldn't wait until becoming 40 years old to give away my virginity. THe curiousity to try it wouldn't let me get to this age without trying it. But giving that I'm still young and I have time, I can wait. Obviously I wouldn't like to reach my 30s without trying it in case I don't find the right man haha.
I can wait a few more years for sure.

Last edited by lovelygirl; 04-22-2012 at 04:36 AM.
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Old 04-22-2012, 04:41 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is being a virgin a dealbreaker?

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No, I meant if a woman doesn't want to wait and her man does.
oh well..that's a challenge to her and the relationship.
When you want it it's hard to wait I guess.
But I guess true love should wait.
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Old 04-22-2012, 04:45 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is being a virgin a dealbreaker?

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so be a virgin but work on having a healthy outlook on sex.
Yes. I love talking about sex, I can't wait to have it when the moment comes. I'd like to be very open about it with my partner so I'm sure I will have a healthy outlook on it.
And hopefully I won't be a LD.
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