Browneyedgurl020610

I have other exes I am friends with. I was just more in love with this one and intimate with so yeah it's a little more complicated. Point is, my husband knew, didn't like him, but trusted me enough to know nothing would happen and it never did. You CAN be friends with exes depending on the time frame you broke up, if you have someone else or not and if it was a strong friendship from the beginning. What about if you guys have kids together? He is still your ex. So wouldn't it be wise to try and be friendly with one another?

Entropy3000

If you have children you are forced to have some contact but you are not close friends that you spend time with even then unless you wish to risk something happening. Exes are forever a threat to a marriage. These are people you have been intimate with. This never goes away no matter how bad the breakup. So if there are no children there really is no excuse.

__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."

lovelygirl

Totally! Exes are a threat!

I used to date a guy who was my age but had 2 kids and was divorced.
Whether we wanted or not, he HAD to keep in touch with his ex wife because of the kids and that would bother me a lot.
I don't want any ex around my partner so that's why I wasn't comfortable with it and I had to get away from him before things started getting more serious.

Floret

No. Me and my husband do not approve opposite sex friendship crap. No drama, no potential to cheat; its just two of us and we are happy that way.

NextTimeAround

A friend of mine is married to a divorce. His divorce was well behind him when they met and his daughter was 14. My friend found out that for many years when he did visitation, he agreed to go with the mother in tow as if they were still together. Even though over the years she had had a bf here and there.

So when my friend came on the scene, the mother got the daughter to speak for her. And pretty much told him, that if he couldn't do visitation with the mother together, then he wouldn't get visitation at all. That was about 8 years ago. The daughter has still decided to stay away from him.

CandieGirl

Generally, Browneyed, the exception to the rule is if you have kids with an ex. Thereby one should maintain civility and nothing more.
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saf0317

I don't think so. Before meeting my husband, I had many male friends. Men are easier to get along with for some women. And vice versa. But, my husband explained to me that men are almost incapable of not imagining sexual encounters of some sort with women...even the ones they say they are just friends with. Now, I don't know if this is true or not. But, I do know IF one spouse feels threatened by or uncomfortable with ANY relationship the other spouse is having with someone of the opposite sex...that relationship is inappropriate and needs to end. If your wife is defending her relationship with 'Bob' at the expense of YOUR feelings and security in the marriage...then there is likely more going on. As husband and wife...your marriage is the relationship she should be making that her priority and defend it against all else. 'Bob' be damned!

Onmyway

My wife and I used to be ok with opposite sex friends, there were never any problems for 13 years.

Now? Not really going to be ok with the idea for the forseeable future.

hurtbeyondmeasure

i have male friends that yes i have dated. we have remained friends and when i met my husband we talked about this and he told me he did not mind as long as i did not cheat on him. well i have never cheated on him. some of them call to see how me and my husband are doing but that is only like every 3-4 months. but now after 2 yrs, it has become a HUGE problem for him. he told me that if my attitude does not change then he is leaving me. he has been so mean to me to the point i am scared to say anything to him. im afraid he is gonna fly off the handle. he has me thinking our marriage problems are my fault and that i do not know how to love anyone. so i deleted all my men friends numbers and no i do not have any in my memory. he says i have bad mood swings and he is tried of dealing with them. so i told him i would seek counceling to find out what is wrong with me. but the more i think about it, he needs to see one also because he has a BAD anger problem. i am at a loss right now.

Entropy3000

Early in a relationship people often have looser boundaries as they are caught up in their head over heals in love feelings for their spouse. They may not understand boundaries well either. They just know they want to prevent and end result. Sometimes this is them compromising their real boundaries. A big mistake IMO. But I think this may be a matter of your husband realizing what his boundaries really are ... now. He may have found out in practice he is not ok with opposite sex friends. Boundaries do have to be reviewed over time. His original boundary of anything goes but do not cheat was not a very realistic boundary or at least relatively loose that gave no leeway for error. I am betting he did not give this much thought to begin with. My views on these things has changed over time for sure.

Who knows what changed his mind? There could be more going on here but we cannot tell from what you have posted. But he is probably not good with these exes contacting you at all. He may feel you should have put up your own boundary there. He was probably counting on you to handle it. What we don't see in the above is anything about the interaction between you and your hubby. I sense, you may have justified the contact from the exes and that upset him. But we can only guess.

But the take away for me is that opposite sex friends can become an issue for a spouse when there are stresses on the marriage. ALL marriages have stress from time to time. Your issues seem above and beyond opposite sex friends. But this may put extra pressure on things.

__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."

hurtbeyondmeasure

he has let it build up to where he exploded 2 weeks ago. he has been under alot of stress. he is disabled and he told me that i was treating him like a room mate instead of a husband. i told him in my heart i felt the love for him. he says actions speak louder than words, which is true. since him and i have been together i have never met any of my male friends. they knew i was married and happy. but i have deleted all numbers from my phone to prove to him that i am serious about our relationship, but he has already expressed he does not care anymore. but i do have 1 thing on my side right now, he still loves me.,

NextTimeAround

Why is that? I think if my husband had female friends that he spoke to regularly 3 or 4 times a year but we never see them, I would wonder what's the point. Do they live in the same city as you do? Why have you chosen not to introduce your husband to your male friends? And has your husband met your female friends? Did you have a wedding? If so what made you decide to not invite these guys to your wedding which would have appropriate.

From your post above, it does seem as if something else is going on.

hurtbeyondmeasure

yes we had a wedding and yes i invited them and no they did not come. yes he has met my female friends. he did meet one ex bf. we were invited to his wedding by his g/f. i would have loved to introduce him but like i said we never hung out. he has met all the men i work with. we have actually been out with them. but like i said, this issue will not come up anymore. i have destroyed my marriage over exes and i not gonna let it go on.

NextTimeAround

do you mean a past marriage or this one?

hurtbeyondmeasure

my current husband