Originally Posted by Goldmember357
Often when a female is first attracted to a male and she likes him but he does not initially like her she will always have those feelings if a relationship never ensues. So say a female likes a male and is of course physically attractive to him he eventually turns over and likes her they get to know each other and than they decide on a platonic relationship or a small short term relationship failed but they remain friends. Or for some reason she losses feelings really likes him and the emotional connection that ensues but she lost feelings for a relationship desire with him. Lets say they remain friends and he moves on and she moves on or they had a little thing that never materialized. Flash forward years' later these two are friends. Do you know what will eventually happen 9/10 times?
A relationship of some sort will ensue between these two as the feelings of pent up attraction to one another have been going on to long. Although they have remain detached likely from huge personal feelings and turned those away the constant connection and strengthening of an emotional connection as well as the fact they were previously very physically attracted to one another will cause the inevitable to happen. And what will that be?
The female realizes "wow, ____ and is a really really amazing guy i like him all these feelings i had before are back and its not like when we had our little thing or attraction i really like him"
The male realizes "wow ___is a great girl i cant believe i never initially liked her but now that i can see through her non verbal cues that she digs me and she is to confess it my feelings have returned, i have always been attracted to her but i lost the emotional connection"
Interesting description that you put here as this is the "friendship" that my bf was having that brought me here. Because of course, anywhere else you go either IRL or on other relationship message boards, you be vilified for being immature, selfish and insecure. Oh dear.
Things are going well between me and my bf. HE cleaned house of her and she is well out of his life. However, I am always curious as to what was actually going on between them.
Before he met me, he knew her for about 4 months (max) and was trying to date her. The e-mails and text messages paint a rather sadistic woman ie "I don't know when I will be free, call me back next week....."
So he moved on. But he stayed in touch with her since I could see an FB private conversation between him and her that he started on the day of our first date. She texted him often by my standards, regularly two or three a day. Then he told her he met me and thinks I'm kind of nice. So she while professing to be his friend, she gets him to talk about me......from "friend to "confidant."
I went to visit my family for 3 weeks at this time. So for someone who is kind of lazy at making friends, he welcomed her invitations to hang out with her friends.
I am really intrigued by the text messages between them. She was asking about me all the time. At first he acted cool about it, like don't worry about her since I don't know how I feel about her. Somehow she managed to convince him to take a trip with her and also to diss me the day I came back from my family visit.
HE told her how many times we had had sex. Also about an incident where my bf hadn't emptied his trash so I was worried as to when that condom was used. But in hindsight, I also realise he turned down sex with me on a couple of occasions.
My bf tried to frame his dealing with her as "Just friends." And asked me do you mind if I go out with other women but "just as friends."
I started going cool on him and then he started showing me more attention. According to him, there was a point at which he realised she wanted more than friendship and he was no longer interested in her that way.
I can see from the messages between them. She accused him first of leading her on. Then she mentioned that she was dating another guy who was really into her....she didn't want to lead him on....why don't she and my bf date again. Then she told him to drop me because obviously since we weren't having sex, I had no interest in him.
I told my bf that that remark more than anything else is a good reason why I should never have to waste my time with her as once he came clean about her, he wanted to frame her as a friend.
What is not clear to me and I know I will never get the answer from my bf, and that is, was he ever seriously considering dating her again and thought to use my presence as a way to increase her interest in him.
And it is also possible that age and experience had some impact her. The "friend" in question was 29, so not that far away from a college coed lifestyle and beliefs.
In any case, while I am trying to catalogue the acceptable behaviors and boundaries for opposite sex friends, it easy enough to see that that friendship would never make the cut.