Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Innnnnnnteresting.
OK, first of all, let's define dance and club.
Club=bar, would never happen, that kind of clubbing and that kind of dancing, it's for a reason other than just dancing and socializing. People go there and drink and dance to meet others generally speaking, for sex.
Now, club=dance club where people go in groups to hang out and dance and socialize together, primarily to dance.
If you go with a group and generally hang with your group and only dance with your group of friends, and someone comes to ask you to dance, use your intuition, is this an okay person to dance with. Maybe it's someone you have seen around if you're in the dance scene (small state where I live) or who is with a group of people you know or just seems safe. So you dance with them and you adjust your embrace or their embrace to reflect how close you are willing to let them be with you. Just as in social conversation, dance has a taxonomy of BOUNDARIES. Dance is dance, if you go to a dance club, expect to be asked to dance. You can enforce any boundaries you need to. Don't dance more than one dance in a row, don't give a stranger more than one or two dances the entire evening, don't invite them back to your table unless it's to introduce him/her to your single friends.

My guy and I had a discussion about dance. If he became unable to dance I would still dance. Because dance is dance. Sure I have guy friends I dance with, most of the dancing I do requires a partner, yep some of the dances are close, and it feels nice to be taken care of during a dance with a good leader that I feel safe being close to, each guy I tolerate a different embrace, for instance dancing with the studio owner's husband I know I can get close to him and it's fine, dancing with my Cuban friend the Bachata yep I can get close and it's fine, dancing with my friend who is a dance instructor yep I can get kind of close he has a strong hand...in fact allowing someone to be closer than you would think was okay is better because you can follow their lead better and that gives you more control over where your body position is and to stop mistakes of 'too close' from happening, misunderstandings. Other men if I dance with them, no, I'm not going to get that close, for that there is the 'creepy guy hold' it's taught in the dance studio and men will recognize it if they don't respect it, the saying is a dance is 3 minutes long when it ends it ends. Move on to safer partners. There is also the trip up where you have to go back to your table and excuse yourself, but then you'd have to sit out the next dance or two out of courtesy...you can also send signals by refusing dances if you dance with someone and despite good dance communication they get the wrong idea.

Now with club dancing where there are slow dances and free-form dancing...nope not going to do it. But going out to a salsa club to dance with a guy friend looking out for me, sure, of course. I can stay safe, it's not a problem. Dance is dance. My guy dances with other women, or at least he did, we have opposite sex friends and trust each other. If we didn't it sure would be awkward because while he's laid up in a rehabilitation center, his friends and mine are looking out for me and some of them are guys. I am not going to sit home and whine, I'm going to maintain my life so I have a good solid social scene for him to join back in when he gets out and gets control of his life again...when we went out dancing it's the first and last dance you give to your date, in between is up to inclination...

Definitely, saving the last dance for love.

lovelygirl

@MrK - Alright lol, I'll keep that in mind.

bubbly girl

I went occassionally but was never into the club scene when I was younger, and I'm certainly not into it now that I'm older. No I don't think it's ok to dance with random people. I wouldn't do it...I know my husband would be furious, and I'd be one p'd off chica if he was dancing with other women.

My hubby hates clubs and he hates to dance. He used to bring up all the time how they were nothing more than a place for guys to pick up women. He never goes to them so no worries for me.

I haven't been to a club since we were married, and I have no desire to go to one.

Entropy3000

If he is going out clubbing. YES. What men go out clubbing on a guys night out? Men go to sports bars. Men go clubbing to hit on and pickup women. At the least to get phone numbers. Not to dance in a circle with each other.

Now again since this is a marriage forum we are talking about married men here.

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Jellybeans

Why are you or your SO out at Da Club w/o eachother dancing w/ other people?

Therein the problem lies.

lovelygirl

Every now and then each of the partners needs some time alone with his/her friends so I see no big deal in going out with mates alone, without the partner.
It's the same for girls. They want to have a night out with other girls because going out always with your partner could become a monotony, right?

Jellybeans

Oh it's a slippery slope to Problemville.

I'm all for time away from your partner, but hitting up Da Club (breeding ground for mayhem) and dancing with randoms is a surefire way to create issues.

I speak from experience. Hindsight is funny.

lovelygirl

That's what I was trying to say. Hitting the club to dance with random people is not okay.
Hitting the club to dance with your friends is okay. IMHO.

lovelygirl

What's there so bad about going out for a drink with your buddies?
I see it less risky than when you're dancing with a random person...

Jellybeans

I was not saying what you are saying.

Thing is, eventually this behavior is going to create problems in a relationship. It's fine to meet up with friends but when you are constantly engaging in that time of activity, sans your partner, get ready for Problemville.

It is INEVITABLE.

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Jellybeans

He's not saying it's bad to go out for a drink with buddies. In fact, he's saying that is better/totally different from Da Club Life.

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Enchantment

My H and I LOVE to dance ....

... but only with each other...

......unless it's one of our siblings or parents involved.

That's just the rule that we decided worked best for us.

People in relationships need to discuss what their relationship boundaries are in this regard...for my H and I if a club or bar is involved, then we both need to be there. If there's dancing going on, then we dance with each other and never with random people we don't know.

We want to do things that help to BUILD up our relationship, that help build up our trust in each other, that help build up our intimacy...dances with random strangers while out without each other don't do any of those things for us.

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lovelygirl

I agree about clubbing.

But clubbing is not the same as going out for a drink, is it?
And in my opinion, the latter is less risky than the first.

Jellybeans

Bingo. The summer before we separated my exH was out all the time at Da Club, sometimes getting home at 5 a.m. When he cheated on me, guess who he had sex with? Someone from Da Club.

He still is at Da Club all the time, nearly every weekend. It's sad since he's 35.

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lovelygirl

I have a friend of mine who's been engaged for about 5 years now -[though they've been together for 8 years in total].
Her man wants to go out every single night clubbing and drinking [with or without her]
I don't see it as something healthy for this relationship/engagement.
The guy is 34 and she's 24.

I wonder when this guy will settle down ...