FloridaITguy

I think she keeps hopeing I'll get over it eventuslly.
I was hopeing so too.
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lou

I don't particularly care for tattoos but I don't really mind them either. I'm confused though... You seem upset that you were having issues making house payments and she spent money on useless things (understandable complaint). But don't tattoo removals cost a TON of money? I admit I don't know this first hand but it was my understanding...

Secondly, I just think you need to either let it go or leave. To drag this out over a year and a half is INSANE! Is this the bridge you want to die on? Is this worth ALL the discomfort you feel? You need to let it go - if only for your OWN sake, man!

ChelseaBlue

You say: If the tat is more important to her, whatever.

She says: If the tat is more important to him than I am, whatever.

You and I both say: Just seems like a stupid reason to drop an ultimatum.

SlowlyGettingWiser

FloridaITGuy:

I totally get your point of view. She KNEW you didn't like tatoos (not merely 'indifferent', actually DON'T LIKE THEM). She already HAD a small tattoo somewhere NOT visible to the public.

1.) She decided to get another tattoo, knowing her husband would find it offensive.
2.) She got it in a very public place (her foot.)
3.) She was SNEAKY/DEVIOUS about getting it.
4.) Rather than discuss it with him, she presents it to him as a 'done deal.'
5.) It is a daily and VERY VISIBLE reminder of all of the above.
6.) She promised to remove it, and as of a year later, has not done so.

Aside from finding the tatoo itself offensive, I think it is the sum of the above that is REALLY eating at you, FloridaITguy. Even IF she gets the tatoo removed you will still be dealing with #1, #3, & #4.

Is this indicative of how other conflicts are resolved? Think about it.

Unhappy2011

I feel you on this one. I would be livid.

I shudder to think a wife of mine would have a tattoo.

And if she went out and did it after we got married?

I would be really disappointed and pissed.

CantePe

Nope, not a joint decision. Sorry I disagree completely. That's me though. I have 6 of them...it's not disrespectful to have tattoos that your spouse doesn't like. I had most of those tattoos before he met me and he knew dang well that was my thing. He accepted that then, he can accept it now.

Same with OP - she already had a butterfly tattoo, it goes without saying that it was most likely she would get another as she already had one.

I don't think it's the tattoo. I think it's the "I was worried about the mortgage payment and she went and got a tattoo" THAT is where the disrespect comes from.

Her problem - lack of being able to prioritize. Not the fact she got a tattoo, the fact she got one when financially she should have either waited or discussed the financial repercussions.

If she can committ to a small infraction of financial "ruin" or discontent between her and her spouse what larger infractions is she willing to committ to.

A hobby or "fetish" aka desire should never superceed financial obligations and responsibilities. That is what prioritizing means.

Can't eat a tattoo, can't live under a tattoo (roof), etc etc.

Or as I say for prioritizing, have to have a house to have electricity, have to have electricity to have a fridge and stove to prep and eat your groceries, have to have a job to all of the above...and it goes on in that cycle. That is the true issue - lack of communication and prioritizing (it also shows in the lack of intimacy too).

Her resentment displays in the fact that she is showing off this tattoo in his face because he didn't "support" her irresponsibilities and lack of prioritizing.

KanDo

CantPe,

Absolutely disagree. Tattoo's reflect on the spouse as well the inked party. But the real problem here is one of respect and honesty. This tattoo is merely a symbol of the disconnect of the OP and his spouse. It was obtained without discussion, under false pretenses, and with a promise of removal which hasn't occurred. It is not the tattoo.... it's the relationship.

CantePe

My tattoos no where near reflect on my spouse in any area of our lives. They are on me not him. He works in an industry where first impressions are EVERYTHING! He's a sub contractor. Everyone he works with knows me and knows I have tattoos and it does not reflect on his work at all. No one who knows us says to him or to someone who will come back to him "those tattoos look like crap and make him look bad". Just doesn't happen.

I think another poster (sorry didn't catch the user name) is correct. Tattoos are so common place now a days that even the corporate world have come to accept them. The minority is seems are the ones who dislike them these days.

KanDo

While I appreciate your point of view and I am glad your partner's occupation is not impacted by your tattoos. Suffice it to say that is not a universal experience.

couple

I completely agree. But why do people STILL think that getting a tattoo is a mark of individuality or something rebellious? They are everywhere and most people's tattoo ideas are very similar.

CantePe

I didn't get my tattoos for anyone else, I was not being rebellious either. They are for me. They mark different stages of my life.

I posted in another thread that was about self harming. I turned to tattoos instead of self harming (I am a former self mutilator\harmer) and it is not only to mark the most significant times of my life but a reminder that each tattoo is one step closer to being even more of a former self mutilator/harmer (cutting is a prevelant issue amoung mostly younger women).

So when I say it's not for anyone else - I truly mean that in the most significant of ways. It is, for me, the very definition of only for me. That's one of the main reasons why my take on tattoos and body image is "not their body, not their business" regardless of who "they" are.

That doesn't mean that I won't or am not open to discussion of the financial side of tattooing. In fact, for me, it's priorities and responsibilities first and foremost before my "tattoo fetish". I will never let it get in the way of my responsibilities or obligations much the same as I would never and have never let self harming get in the way of those same responsibilities and obligations. I worked hard to be where I am today, and still work hard every day to stay and excel past where I am today.

Goldmember357

I think you two should divorce if this is such a big problem issue


I do not blame you

Not everyone you are dating/married to is your right match often people rush into things and dont really see eye to eye on anything and are not compatible

Beowulf

FloridaITguy,

Your wife already had a tattoo so you weren't morally against them. She has no issues with it. It was probably a spur of the moment thing. It will cost big bucks to remove it. She might get an infection from the removal process. It will definitely leave a scar and/or discoloration. As for covering it, haven't you heard of socks and stockings?

You are considering divorce over this? Are you kidding me? This has nothing to do with her tattoo. Its a power struggle and you don't want to lose it. You complain and complain about her tattoo. And she in turn goes out of her way to show it off knowing it upsets you. You both need to reexamine your marriage and find out where each of you is lacking because you both sound like a couple of spoiled three year olds fighting over a moldy cookie.

zsu234

Let me put it this way, and I've heard this sentiment echoed by men 30-50 yo, if a girl is a 9 and she gets a tat that doesn't make her a 10 it makes her an 8. It's like spaying graffiti all over a beautiful cathedral. Tattoos are a form of self multilation IMHO.

alone_not_lonely

Well, that's a pretty crappy way to look at things. In my experience, opinions like that are usually held by small minded town gossips. So I genuinely hope that the above statement can't truly be what you believe, CantePe? Or are you just stating a generalization? While everyone is entitled to their own opinion, to judge a person's partner for their actions is ridiculous. That would be like blaming the betrayed party for their spouse's cheating. I only ask for clarification for you point of view, not to attack you.