General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I know I'm going to get hemmered about this, but here goes...
I found this site a few years ago when my wife came home with a tatoo on her foot. She put it in my lap and all I could say was wow, how trashy....
Been a year and a half. She said she would get it removed, even went in for a visit with the DR. Since then-no movement.
I know this is stupid, I read this board all of the time and agree with most everything said here, but...
It's been a year and A half since I go into our bathroom without looking at the ceiling when she's there. My first glimpse at her is to see what she's wearing first so I can see if it's OK to look at her without seeing the tat (if you can see her foot, you can see it--very dark and very large)
Stupid, right! I should just get over it. The event opened us up for a LOT of dialog, something we didn't have enough of in our marriage previosly, we needed to talk more, etc. The event made us stronger, but I'm ready to not have to check to make sure if it's ok to look at my wife beforehand.
She's been less and less concerned about keeping it 'out of sight' recently, which is why I told her tonight that one of us won't be around in 6 months..
Honestly if the tat is more important to her, whatever. She knew I was against it, was a crappy way she did it too...
Just seems like a stupid reason for me to drop an ultimatum. Posted via Mobile Device
I know I'm going to get hemmered about this, but here goes...
I found this site a few years ago when my wife came home with a tatoo on her foot. She put it in my lap and all I could say was wow, how trashy....
Been a year and a half. She said she would get it removed, even went in for a visit with the DR. Since then-no movement.
I know this is stupid, I read this board all of the time and agree with most everything said here, but...
It's been a year and A half since I go into our bathroom without looking at the ceiling when she's there. My first glimpse at her is to see what she's wearing first so I can see if it's OK to look at her without seeing the tat (if you can see her foot, you can see it--very dark and very large)
Stupid, right! I should just get over it. The event opened us up for a LOT of dialog, something we didn't have enough of in our marriage previosly, we needed to talk more, etc. The event made us stronger, but I'm ready to not have to check to make sure if it's ok to look at my wife beforehand.
She's been less and less concerned about keeping it 'out of sight' recently, which is why I told her tonight that one of us won't be around in 6 months..
Honestly if the tat is more important to her, whatever. She knew I was against it, was a crappy way she did it too...
Just seems like a stupid reason for me to drop an ultimatum. Posted via Mobile Device
It doesn't sound like you value her that much to want to divorce over a tattoo. I think that's the real problem not the actual tattoo itself.
I'm just very conservative I guess. I have lots of friends with them and don't think any less of them because they have them.
I spent my time in the Navy, so had plenty of opportunities myself, but not my cup of tea.
My wife has a smaLl butterfly on her rear from before we got married over a decade ago. I've seen the one on her foot more in the past month than I've seen the butterfly.
It is stupid and I agree with the wow comment.
The thing is that at stupid as is is, this might be my dealbreaker. I've paid for her to go to school, busted my a$$ to provide for her and our fanmily.
I have nightmares about this (as stupid as it is) Posted via Mobile Device
I'm curious how much else would you divorce your wife over? If she died her hair a color you didn't like and wouldn't die it back? What if her boobs dropped to her stomach? Would you require her to get plastic surgery to have perky breasts or you would divorce? What if her dress style changed to Boho chic? What if she had a saggy tummy and arms?
I am not trying to be mean. I am asking because I do not know you and I want to know if you would divorce if any other aesthetic thing changed on her?
We did have intimacy issues for sure. I'm a guy so lack of sex is a given.
We got to a point to where we were parents and not lovers anymore. I was so worried about making the house payments and etc that yeah, it was a big slap in the face.
She told me she was going wIth her sister and mom to watch them get tattoos while I was getting the house/kids ready for Halloween. There was no mention at all that she might get one Posted via Mobile Device
I believe a tattoo is a decision that should be made jointly. She knew he was against it and did it anyway. That is being selfish in my book. What I'm getting from this is it's not the actual tat but the fact she doesn't care what he thinks. Disrespect, plain and simple.
I'm just very conservative I guess. I have lots of friends with them and don't think any less of them because they have them.
So it's just your wife you think less of for it then? I mean c'mon, unless it is something that not even the kids should see, I'm wondering what the hang up is? What is it a tattoo of? Something offensive? Or are you just offended by her having the tattoo?
Again, I agree with other posters here that there are other issues at play. Yes, there can be some really awful choices of tattoo out there, but surely it isn't that bad right? Something else is amplifying the worry over this tattoo and making the tattoo itself the problem.
Love song - it's not a divorce her because she gained weight or dyed her hair. We've been through a lot and I DO love her.
The tat was I guess a catalyst for us. It made us talk more than we had in years and closer. She promised to get it removed and I believed her (stil do).
I know it's stupid, I know I should just 'get over it'. I've tried. Thing is, I'm just never been a fan and she knows that. I can't help that it makes me less attracted to her, it would to any girl with a tat. I guess the best way to put it is that she knew I wouldn't like it, but did it anyway. My options are to live with it or not.
I love her, I don't love walking around the house looking up all the time. One thing I have learned from TAM is that when all you do is give and give and give, all you get is taken. Maybe you're right it isn't the tattoo Posted via Mobile Device
I believe a tattoo is a decision that should be made jointly. She knew he was against it and did it anyway. That is being selfish in my book. What I'm getting from this is it's not the actual tat but the fact she doesn't care what he thinks. Disrespect, plain and simple.
I agree that the way she carried this out was inconsiderate. She should have just said I'm getting a tattoo because it's what I want to do with my body.
But to say he is going to divorce her if she doesn't get it removed says to me that he doesn't value her.
Do you have kids? If so, are you wiling, when they're old enough and asking questions about why you and mom split up, to tell them "Well kids, I decided to upheave everyone's lives because of the tattoo on mom's foot.".
Everybody has their deal breakers in every relationship. This seems like a strange hill to be willing to die upon. Unless its about something more. In which case, the slow rational decision is to figure that out.
ANL - it's not offensive at all. But she has had to cover it up a few times already (made a BIG deal about covering it up for my dads funeral)
I keep asking her what is she going to tell the kids when thay want tats at 16.... It's a bad example. Let's be honest and put 'PC' aside, employers really don't want inked employees. Posted via Mobile Device
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stupid tatoo rant 
