dymo

She won't be wasting her energy in 9 months. When the babies are gone, all of her energy will be going into looking taking care of them. And they're twins. She won't have too much energy to spare.

Give it enough time, don't encourage her, and those feelings she has may very well fade.

all4her

Dude DO NOT move in with her. If she is already being clingy, whats going to happen when you want to move out on your own? What manipulation and guilt is she going to pull then?? I imagine something like "Icant believe you are leaving the mother of your children out in the cold after so many x years"

What if you wanted to bring in this other long distance girl to visit? Hows that going to go along with roomie? BTW as far as other girl is concerned, if you move in with this woman whom you IMPREGNATED, i doubt she would stick around. I doubt having a baby by someone else and the moving in together falls under what you two reconciled to do about dating.

In fact now with raising twins, I doubt you will see much of her anymore at all. Imagine if SHE got pregnant with some dudes twins and moved in with him....but called him a roomie....would u still visit or speak to her?

youve messed up enough, do NOT move in with her. She will use you and no matter what YOU see it as, SHE will see it as one step closer to marriage.

all4her

YES Get a paternity test, this woman already sounds rank. I doubt you are the only **** buddy she has. perhaps you are just the most pliable. Also how far along is she that she knows its twins??

MrsOldNews

I agree completely!!!!

nmc

Have you even thought about the next man that you want her to be in the commited relationship with.. who ever it is as long as it isnt you ? what kind of man will he be, what kind of "step father" will he be? Will the next man be "the one" on just the NEXT ONE, how many NEXT ONE's will she have, or how many Next ones will you have. stringing along people in and out of your chilrens lives is not good. going through brake up after brake up is not good for them. i say, get to know the woman who is carrying your children. get to know her for real, keep an open mind. give the relationship a real chance. if not for any other reason than your children. if it doesnt work, ok.. but always remember that its not the kids fault.

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

This is one big and very costly lesson for you.

I had an unplanned pregnancy at 20. I thought I was doing the right thing by getting married and trying to work on the relationship with the false hope he'd change.

It was bad. I lived a year in hell with his abuse and unfaithfulness. I left, 3 days later another woman moved in. He married her and is currently unfaithful to her and remains abusive.

I raised my daughter for 5 years with the help of my parents before finding the man I'm married to now. My husband took my daughter in with open arms and has been a true father for her. My ex shut my daughter out years ago and I've never seen anyone hate their child as he.

We all make mistakes. Using someone for sex is not a good life to live by. There's no respect in that, but people can change. Moving in with a woman you don't love is even a bigger mistake. You would be leading her on and will be harder on her when you leave in the future. It's plain wrong in my opinion, it's a lose lose situation. Unless you take it slow and start over building a relationship. Tell her what she needs to do in order to make the relationship work if she truly is needy.

I agree with the paternity test. If these children are yours, visitation and child support are a must! Obviously twins will be more difficult then one child. My ex paid very little in child support. I supported my child the last 18 years. She's grown into a very respectful young woman.

Good luck.

lisab0105

Why are people slamming the girl? Her biggest fault is that she liked this ego maniac who used her for sex. This pregnancy is both of your bads. Don't move in with her...not for your sake, but for hers.
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KathyBatesel

My advice: Don't move in. Pay child support. Offer to take custody or accept visitation if it's given, but otherwise don't have any contact with her - even about the kids, unless your attorney advises it.

I've known MANY women who use the kids to manipulate a man who doesn't do things by the woman's rules and expectations. You've already said you feel she's trying to do this, so to protect yourself and your children from the emotional abuse it puts everyone through, just stay away from HER as much as possible. Uphold firm boundaries. Get familiar with parental alienation syndrome and be alert if it starts happening in your children's lives.

My mother tried to use my brother and me as pawns to manipulate my father, who ended up getting custody of us. My ex-husband went through something similar over his daughter that cost us thousands and thousands of dollars and was heartbreaking. The moment I hear that a woman is using the children to try to reach her own ends, my guard goes up. I hope yours will, too, because there are no easy ways to deal with it.

KathyBatesel

I'll slam the girl because I don't see where he is an egomaniac who used her. They used each other with consent. He made a huge mistake in not checking out the birth control thing, but he didn't lead her to believe he was available for more than sex. She accepted those terms and now is trying to gain control, and making her unborn children victims in the process.

livelaughlovenow

Tell her plain and simple that you are the father to the children but that you do not want a romantic relationship with her, and be clear on your body language and your actions, no ONS because it is comfortable. Make sure you make it clear that you plan to take care of the children and focus on that and tell her all the ways you plan to do that. To answer your original post, I would definitely NOT get an apartment together, if you want to pay her some support money and stay home... but if you move in with her even under the claim that you do not want a romantic relationship it sends the wrong message to her, that she can still have the "family" that she wants and that you can be won over.... so either make an honest effort to be serious with her romantically or do not at all and simply be the best father you can be.

lisab0105

I have read nothing from him that indicates she is trying to control him. Thats propbably his own paranoia.
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KathyBatesel

You might be right, but when he told her he had another (primary) relationship and she broke down in tears, claimed such things "always" happened to her, wanted him to spend the night anyway, and continued to have sex without protection and get pregnant, I'll assume she's not emotionally stable and that it's not just paranoia on his part when she also wants to move in together.

memyselfandi

Gee..let me think...let's screw without protection and if she gets pregnant....let the whole world listen while you complain about it!!

"Our relationship wasn't much to speak of. Once a week, maybe, we'd go out, have drinks, and screw. Kept that up for a few months. I liked her well enough that I wanted to give her something to look forward to in a week, and hell, I was getting laid. I was always good to her, but maintained emotional distance, because I knew I didn't want to be involved in a serious relationship with her."

Sorry buddy, but you're a real jerk, thinking that you wanted to give her something to look forward to in a week..and hell..you were getting laid!! Who the hell do you think you are...Casanova???

Obviously!!!

God forbid you get into a serious relationship with someone you're having sex with since you're already in a relationship with someone else but you have an "understanding"???

Yeah sure..!! It is what it is and it's called, "CHEATING"

How in the world is she EVER going to get over YOU when it's obvious that you need to get over yourself!! She's playing on your guilt? Sure big guy!! Staying over at her sister's place with nothing to do? For sure!! All about you buddy...all about YOU!!

Karma is a sweet thing. Now it's time to put on your "big guy panties" and start paying child support!!

I just hope you can set a better example for your twins than you have for yourself and the rest of us. All of a sudden it's time to grow up..and can you handle it?? At this point, I doubt it!!