I actually have more trouble trusting her with this particular female friend than with the guys at the club. I know she won't do anything with them.
You don't know that, many people like myself wouldn't think in a million years their spouse would cheat and many times (again, like myself) it was the last person they suspected. What she is doing is inappropriate and tempting fate.
All this sounds like bad news bears. You want a kid and be a grownup and she wants to keep partying.
Maybe its time to re-think your situation and find someone with the same goals as you (after a D of course). It doesn't sound like you 2 are on the same page and most likely won't ever be.
Sounds drastic but only you know if you are wasting your time being with someone like this, a time-bomb for infidelity.
Just read the first page and was shocked no one dropped the bomb on you about this.
First, clubbing 3-4 times a month to close is bad mojo period. That discussion has been done to death, and I fully support that going solo to any bar or club, especially to close, is a bad idea.
Second, and this is what you should have a way bigger problem with, she cheated on you with someone else and she still hangs out with that person. On top of that, she's putting herself in a compromising position regularly with that person.
Would you be cool if she went clubbing with a dude she kissed 3-4 times a month? How is this any different?
You dealt with her infidelity poorly if you still allow her to contact this person. Once the boundary is crossed, it is extremely easy to cross again. All it takes is one awkward moment of lowered inhibitions (which she's getting into all the time), and full blown cheating happens. There is a really good chance this is already happening.
This is why any form of cheating needs to be dealt with seriously. Specifically, NC with the other person.
I'm wondering why you are OK with this on any level. Wives leave their husbands for women all the time, you are not "safe". Grow a pair and stop accepting that she craps all over you. Every time she talks to this woman is a slap in your face that you accept.
So to answer your question, is it ok that she talks to someone that she cheated on you with (and yes kissing is cheating), HELL NO!!!
First off, it's not 3 or 4 times a week. It's 3 out of every 4 weekends, which is bad enough. If it was 3 or 4 nights a week, she would have been gone long ago. I've been out with her and her friend a few times and it's innocent enough. She enjoys dancing. My wife does the driving and she has to go pick up her friend which is a 40 minute drive from our house, then go downtown to the clubs (another 20 minute drive) then take her friend back home before she heads home. If the clubs close at 2:30, she should be home at 3:30 or 4am. She says she gets home at 5ish because she wants to make sure she's sober to drive home. That I get. I actually have more trouble trusting her with this particular female friend than with the guys at the club. I know she won't do anything with them.
Your naivety is terrifying.
Stop this madness.
Your wife shouldn`t be out clubbing half the month getting home at 5AM
My wife and I have been married for 5 years now. About a year and a half ago, my wife was out with her female friend (she is married with a 4 yr old) and they kissed. Feelings were involved, but they ‘decided’ that it wasn’t a good idea. Fine. Problem is, they still hang out all the time. I don’t mind the shopping once a week and things like that, but it’s the dance clubs 3 out of every 4 weekends (where the original kissing happened, though they say it isn't happening now). They close out the bars (2:30am here) and then my wife gets home at 4:30 or 5am, saying that she had to ‘sober up’ before driving home. I am 37, she is 35 and there are no kids, and I have been wanting kids for 7 years now (as soon as I met her I knew I wanted kids with her). This behavior of going out all the time has only started in the last couple years. She was not like this when we met and got married. Every time I try to talk to her about it we end up fighting, no matter how I bring it up to her. What should I do? Should I be ok with her going out with someone she cheated on me with (they only kissed, but to me that is cheating)?
Brother, what is a 35 year old married woman doing hitting a club and coming home to you @ 4:00 AM? You are 37 and trust me, having kids later in life does not get easier. Stop wasting your precious life. Yes you chose poorly with this woman. More than likely she will keep doing it and end up in a bar as a "cougar" hunting young men. When I was younger and bar hopping these cougars were plan B, C, D and F.
Do yourself a favor and file for divorce. She is not going to change. She is not marriage material let alone mother material. Dump swiftly and decisively and make sure to get a good lawyer so she doesn't take your life savings with her.
Let her live the single life. By the time she gets this lifestyle out of her system she will be an old hag with a drinking problem. Move on and find yourself a real wife and mother to your future offspring. Good luck buddy!
I feel sorry for those with depression, mental illness, hangnails, bad hair, bad childhood memories, etc. I feel sorry for the visually impaired but that doesn't mean I want a blind person flying my airplane and my compassion won't make the flight any safer.