General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
This kind of fits what I saw online. There were manymen saying that two singles men/women can't be "just friends" whereas almost all the women were saying yes they could.
I've come to the opposite conclusions. I like the idea of having women as friends because it's easier to talk to people I'm attracted to, but women around me just can't deal with it. I know about 4 women who have successfully managed to keep men as friends. 3 of them are lesbians and 1 is a single mom.
Well, if your spouse dies, then a lot of work has been spared, you know who you might be compatible with. Hate to say it, but even if marriages last forever, people don't, and that's a fact. I think a lot of people might change their mind as they approach the age where their friends die, or worse, almost die and then don't fully recover to a point where they can participate in a relationship, which might be my situation, or not. It would be shooting myself in the foot to not have friends of the opposite sex who know my situation and are supportive. You learn a lot about opposite gender people by having friendships with them, such as, which ones can be friends with women and not mess around with them or push established boundaries...any one of my guy friends, I have inside knowledge of how they behave with women. If they didn't behave, I'd drop them as friends.
My guy was a friend to me prior to me getting divorced. We never crossed boundaries, when I was recently separated we went out for things like casual spur of the moment ice cream and drink (tonic water for me) dates. We didn't kiss, we didn't hold hands, we talked about stuff, opinions, past-times, work, volunteer stuff, etc. When my husband wanted a second chance, I introduced my friend to my husband as the friend that he was. When I ran into my friend one day in my town, my husband accused me of setting up the meeting. That clued me in to how my husband behaved with women he 'happened' to run into, it was probably a set up...probably is a bit weak. Yes, he was seeing other women. Now my friend, I knew him to be respectful of marriages and of women who were newly single or somewhere in between. He told me later when we became a couple that it hurt to step back and give my husband a second chance, however it gave him an opportunity to see for himself how loyal I was, and that was something that when he had a chance to have that for himself, he was more than willing to take it, and treasure it.
Intereseting perspective to add to this topic that I have not seen from others. I thinks this works both ways in the discussion. Good stuff.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
A lot of men that find a girl (that is a friend) attractive, never lose that feeling even if they
both agree to just remain friends.
He always is attracted to her. It can even get stronger.
That man will keep it hidden and hope that the conditions change where he could
take the relationship to a new level, sometime in the future.
That is why it is so dangerous for a Married Lady to have a guy friend.
I perfectly I understand your point and I agree with this, but I still remain to my idea that not all men are the same.
All woman say that their man is different. Not like other men.
In general, I would agree with you that some small percentage of men are different.
I wouldn't say my man is different. In my previous relationship I used to always tell my ex 'Oh, you're just like other men' because I was conscious that he was not different.
So, not every woman thinks her man is different. I'm sure even when someone is blinded by love, they are able to tell if their partner stands out or not.
At least, I was able to tell it.
Word to the wise Lovely, most women do think ther man is different. Otherwise they wouldnt be with him. Anyway, back on topic. Posted via Mobile Device
I wouldn't say my man is different. In my previous relationship I used to always tell my ex 'Oh, you're just like other men' because I was conscious that he was not different.
So, not every woman thinks her man is different. I'm sure even when someone is blinded by love, they are able to tell if their partner stands out or not.
At least, I was able to tell it.
Men are different about a great many things. They are like snowflakes ... they are unique but still all melt in your mouth .... err hands ... I mean they can be different in many ways but all still find women attractive.
Ummmm anyway. Men have different character and personalities. That said, one big variant is how much testosterone they have going for them. So just beacuse a man has character and control do not assume he would not love to be inside you if the conditions were right. If he is married he should not dwell on this of course. He needs to repress such urges and not put himself in a risky situation with you. He can legitimatlely like you as a friend. But love feelings can be confusing. So while he likes you as a friend he can still be stimulated by you.
So a man with less testosterone can probably handle this friend zone thing better all else equal. And I guess then this friend zone guy having less testosterone may be easier for you to ignore ... I mean like as a friend.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Last edited by Entropy3000; 04-24-2012 at 06:21 PM.
Sure they can. Singles of opposite sex can be friends.
I became a close friend of a female in my teens. She was a few years older than me. We had a lot in common, backgrounds, music, activities. I never thought about hitting on her, maybe because she was older. Now I see it as a older sister relationship. She and her girlfriends used myself and my friends as escorts when they went out to clubs. We didn't mind, we got into 21 and older places.
When we met, my gf/wife had a problem with the idea of it. But she was a true friend and befriended my wife. They formed a closer bond together, than I had. Now she and her husband live over a 1000 miles away. And 40 years later, we still think of her as our closes confident.
And I am in no way a 'beta male' lol. So I vote yes.
I was down on a frown
when the messenger
brought me a letter
I was raised by the praise
of a fan
who said I upset her Any girl in the world
could have easily
known me better
She said, You're strange,
but don't change,
and I let her.
Not all guys are this way. But more than you think. I reached a point where I wanted more out of life.
But of course men and women CAN be friends without having sex. But there is always some level of sexual tension. Maybe low for some. I have had many female friends. In my single days I probably would not have turned any of them down. I mean we were friends. Why not? I just did not pursue them. A few decided to make that decision for me.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Last edited by Entropy3000; 04-24-2012 at 06:33 PM.
This thread also got me thinking because I recently ran into one of my friend from school days (like eons ago) who said that I'd "always been hot/pretty." He had never said anything like that to me before so it got me wondering about men. This is a guy I've known forever.
I know men think about sex a lot and then it got me thinking if dudes think about boffing their gal pal friends when single.
Ah, if I had a dime for every man who said to single CandieGirl "You know, I've always had a thing for you/thought you were hot/wanted to go out with you..."
Just goes to show they've just been waiting for their chance...at least they waited until I was single! Not that I'm the first one to mention that these guy friends lie in wait...
Ever watched When Harry Met Sally? The answer is no and I knew that before I watched that movie. You can never have males and females be friends without sexual tension. It's impossible, even if they say they've stopped, they're lying through their teeth. I've tried this once or twice to prove my point and I was right. Don't be friends, you'll only hurt your partner.
25Likes
Re: Can single men & women be friends? 
Haha.
Just goes to show they've just been waiting for their chance...at least they waited until I was single! Not that I'm the first one to mention that these guy friends lie in wait...
