the guy

I think the majority in the US are sad in there marriage. Majority of cheating is a by product of a unhealthy marriage.

The rare case IMHO are the cheaters that are in a perfect marriage and have a personal dificincy and they still cheat.

Looking at the curent poll it seem poeple can change and with the right relationship, will not need to fill the void that there old relationship offered.

Sure cheaters are broken poeple, but what broke them....there spouse or Uncle Joe/Father Joe when they were 5?

reggis

If someone cheats they lack moral character and they don't consider the feelings of others, they are selfish, self centered, and put their needs so far ahead of others that they can never, ever be trusted in any significant capacity.

Besides that you've got all the hurt that follows the act of cheating itself which must be somehow dealt with.

Yes there are some 'success' stories following an affair but even then I'm certain the betrayed partner always sleeps with one eye open so to speak.

I understand that infidelity and cheating is rampant in today's society. I was married, now divorced, there was no infidelity on either side and I've never cheated or been cheated on in any relationship past or present.

Yes I'm in the minority but there are lots of single, trustworthy people out there who do not have what it takes to be a cheater.

I suggest you find them.

MmHo

In my experience with men they get away with it once they will do it again. My mistake was to forgive the first time. But not any more.
I have thought about what it would be like to cheat on someone and could not bring myself to put another human being through all that heartache and grief.

Jeff/BC

I think the issue of infidelity is far more complicated than, once a cheater, always a cheater.
Life is more complicated than that. Only here on message boards are things ever that simple.

It all depends on circumstances, weak boundaries, and opportunity. Sometimes good people make bad decisions.
Correct... sort of. I have standards of honor. I fail to meet them regularly... partly because I'm flawed and partly because if I was meeting them regularly I'd raise the bar on myself. People DO make bad decisions.

But that doesn't obviate the fact that there was a failure in strength, integrity and honor. If the person learned and grew... not from a "cheating" standpoint but from an "honor" standpoint then I think in my mind it goes into the "stuff happens" bin. If, on the other hand, the only thing they learned was "cheating is bad" then I wouldn't touch them with a 10' pole.

That's why I wouldn't divorce Carol if she cheated on me. I'd need to hear the end of the story before I made any decisions. The end, in my mind, is "what did she learn from her mistake?"

lovesherman

Whenever we cross a boundary that we know is wrong, it makes it easier to do the next time that we are tempted. If we steal something and get away with it, we will continue to do this until some consequence stops us. If the consequences of cheating are great enough, we will stop. People can change their behavior, but they have to believe that there is a reason to do so.

SimplyAmorous

I feel it depends on the WHY's behind the cheating.... some do it for a thrill...easy access.. EGO boost, don't care about their loving willing spouse at home, cause they can get away with it....

Then....others find themselves caught up in something out of lonely desperation, crying out for what is missing in the marraige, whether it is sexual or emotional...It reduces them to a puddle of emptiness that needs filled. I have some sympathy for these people...even if it was wrong. And by no means would I believe that he/she would be set up for life if they go on to marry someone more compatible with the intended love & connection flowing coupled with a happening satisfying sex life to boot.

I will never make a blanket statement on a person due to a one time history of "falling". The story behind the scenes speaks much. I want to hear about the DIRT at home, what the cheater was living with.

By no means is the one cheated on always so damn innocent. Heck, some of them have ZERO sex drive, and feel that is just FINE. Sex might be an utter chore -even at once a month. I would fault a man stuck in a sexless marriage less for an affair as the wife who refused him time after time after time after time after time again, knowing it hurt him, tares him apart every night that he is not wanted by his own wife.

Yes, he should have LEFT HER ASS in the dust and divorced her.... but life is not always so simple for some....kids, the house... I refuse to judge all people . I would judge the DISHONESTY of it ,the hiding of it .... MORE than the accual falling into it - that part seems very human to me.

But hey, that's me. MY dad cheated on my mom with my step mom -they were meant to be, nothing would have stopped them from getting together. I do give them credit, they didn't hide it or lie...all out in the open, my mom never wanted him anyway (told me she wasn't attracted to my dad)....it was not a marraige that would have lasted anyway.

My dad & step mom (she cheated on her husband too)... not for even a day -have they looked at another since they have gotten together some 35 yrs ago, terribly compatible, an example to behold.. but they found each other... through cheating.

So no, not once a cheater, always a cheater.

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sigma1299

That is 100% true while someone is cheating but it is not necessarily true about a person that cheated in other times and aspects of their lives - not by a long shot.

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lovelygirl

I can't say for sure but the chances for someone to cheat twice after they cheated once arise.
If they were able to do it once, they MIGHT do it twice.

Jellybeans

I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater. I think some may cheat again and others never will.

Eternal Embrace

My sentiments exactly!

Before we were married I strayed from my husband due to problems in our relationship that neither one of us addressed or handled well. Saying what I did was stupid and selfish would be an extremely gross understatement. When I finally did get my head out of my bum I realized what damage I had done to my man and our realationship and how lucky I was that he was willing to give us another chance. Since that day I have been determined to be the best girl/wife to him that I can possibly be and I strive for that every day. I have not strayed since and never will do so again.

hookares

Maybe all cheaters aren't alike, but my ex who cheated on me with two documented guys who provided her with children continued to cheat for the next 16 years before my two brain cells registered the betrayal. She has already cheated on the guy she moved into what was once "our" home and was with a different guy when she last contacted me trying to "R".
Some how I think she is finding old habits hard to break.

Shaggy

I do believe they will always be a cheater. They've proven it's I then to do it, the best you can hope is that they continue to choose not to give into that temptation again. But forever it will be true that their personal values do allow them to view it as an option that is open to them.
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