ShawnD

There are several reasons
1) modern women can be financially independent
2) modern women have fewer children
3) people in the past were judgemental *******s


I'll give an example. My mom is in her 60s and she has all kinds of stories about the weird retarded crap that went on in the past. She said that when she was kid, people who were pregnant but unmaried were pretty much on the same level of society as drug addicts and rapists. If you were single and pregnant, you literally had to live in a special home until the baby was born just so people wouldn't give you a hard time. It was also assumed that you should put that baby up for adoption. My dad was one of those babies who grew up in foster care. Society really was that horrible, and it was only 60 years ago.
Houses of shame | Life and style | The Guardian

That pure hatred directed at pregnant women was also directed at divorced mothers. How do you tell the difference between a woman who had kids outside of marriage and a woman who had kids while married then got divorced? They both the look the same, so the safe bet is to assume that all unmarried mothers are *****s.
In that kind of society, it's better to stay married. Even if your marriage really sucks and you want to kill your husband, marriage is still better than the alternative of having the entire community hate you for no reason.

Now that people have better things to do than blame all of society's problems on a small group of people who are not at all related to those problems (ironic statement), it's socially acceptable to get divorced.

Mistys dad

"they stay in their marriage even if they are unhappy.
"

Maybe our divorce rate isn't high.

Perhaps in your country it is too low.

__________________
The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?

OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.

joe kidd

Yep. We live in a world of instant gratification. Fast food, Movies on Demand, hell even Dominoes Pizza has an app so you can order pizza with 2 or 3 clicks on your Iphone. We have all become Veruca Salt. "Daddy. I want it now!".

Dr. Rockstar

Something that has been inferred but not directly stated is that many people seem to have an unrealistic expectation of marriage. It seems that many younger people (say 18-24, college/post-high school age) seem to equate getting married to getting out of their parents' home and those toxic relationships, only to find a whole new set of problems.

Also, there's no real reason for staying married anymore. Not even for tax purposes. So there's no incentive to work through the problems. Even just a few decades ago, there was an expectation that once you were married, you were married. "Til Death" and all that.

Dr. Rockstar

Oh, you mean like how people blame society's problems on the blacks/Irish/Catholics/Commie Reds/Gays/Mexicans/Religious people/Dems/GOP?

Trickster

You have a point there. Usually it seems that only one person is doing all the work on the marriage. Although both feel like they are doing the work. I've been unhappy for a very long time. After 20 years, we seem so far apart with our goals and dreams it doesn't make sense to stay together. Ask my wife and she will say that she does all the work and she is the one that puts up with my BS. So yes, it has ran its course. I am sad and don't know how to end this.

Jeff/BC

When you say "people", I'm assuming you are excluding yourself, right?

I have to say that none of the "people" I know think this way. It makes me wonder why my circle of friends and acquaintances is so different than yours.

that_girl

People are always on this pursuit of "happiness".

"I'm not happy, I want a divorce."
"This doesn't make me happy, I want a divorce."
"I deserve to be happy, I want a divorce."

holy shet! I can understand if it's an abusive relationship but I've heard people say this and their marriage was fine. A little boring and old, but fine. Just spark it up!

But no. Like last years fashions, the marriage is tossed aside in pursuit of happiness. A happiness hardly ever found because the problem isn't outside forces. The problem lies within. no one wants to fix themselves, they just want to blame someone else.

I,I,I,me,me,me. That doesn't fly in marriage. But too many people let their ego and pride rule them...

__________________

Jeff/BC

yup, I see it similarly Dean. I don't commit easily nor do I give up easily. But I'm unclear on the value of "till death do us part" if what we're talking about is 50 years of hell for both of us and any children involved.

But that's not what was said. What was said was that people generically use divorce as a goto answer. My comment was "none of the people I know."

Jellybeans

Why do you think the divorce rate is so high??

Because people get married.

__________________
Exposure Letter

Letter to OM/OW

Mavash.

In the marriages that I personally know that ended in divorce there was ONE common denominator in ALL of them.

ONE spouse didn't take the committment seriously (meaning they cheated) or they refused to address or work on the problem. They rug swept, ignored it, was blind or just didn't care.

I've said this before and I'll say it again the secret to a long lasting marriage is commitment by BOTH spouses to work at it. Both. Yes there are instances where one spouse can solve marital problems but that usually means the other spouse responded well to the efforts if they didn't it would be over.

Just my .02

Jellybeans

I agree 1000x.

Most divorces are NOT mutual. There is almost always one party who wants to work it out and one person who wants out.

__________________
Exposure Letter

Letter to OM/OW

Almostrecovered

I'll be frank

If a country has a very low divorce rate it's very likely due to the fact that freedom is inhibited by culture (like India), national religion (like Muslim countries), or by strict governmental laws (like the Philippines)

The US is (mostly) a free country. So that means we are free to be stupid and make our own dumb choices, like being racist or have an affair. But we are also free to make smart decisions and do what's right for ourselves. If a woman gets battered in the US she can have a divorce. In most of those low divorce rate countries, those woman don't have that option in a true sense and remain trapped.

So do we have too much frivolity? you bet

but it's a worthwhile price to pay

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My story

kag123

American culture promotes selfishness, laziness and immediate satisfaction. That spills over into expectations and commitment in marriage. A child that is never taught to endure hardships to get what they want, to work hard for something, to understand that there is more to life than your own immediate wants and desires, and that sometimes you need to have patience for a later payoff. Those children are todays adults. Add to the fact that divorce trends are often cumulative - you grew up watching many adults get divorced and don't know what a successful long term marraige looks like - you learn that divorce is a norm, socially acceptable and not a big deal. You don't even understand how to navigate a real long term marriage because the only reference you have are movies that portray rainbows and butterflies, so you think that if you don't constantly feel that way your narraige must be destined to fail. A culture that does not value marriage is one with a higher divorce rate.
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Ten_year_hubby

Our culture is undeniably anti-marriage. It's not clear to me why the divorce rate is not higher. Why get married at all? Divorce is down (due to the recession) but family formation is at an all time low. Over 40 percent of children are born into single parent households. Less than half the other kids in any of my kids' schools lives with both their natural parents.

Family court has a legacy gender bias. The wide perception of this can lead women to try to get advantage in marital disagreements by threatening to subject their husbands to an biased legal process. Unfortunately, there are a lot of ways this can backfire once spouses start threatening each other with divorce