Is an open-marriage a good idea?
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Old 04-25-2012, 02:33 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Is an open-marriage a good idea?

I posted recently about my wife learning of an emotional affair I was apart of. There have been other incidents of unfaithfulness on my part. Since I was in my early/mid 20s I've been unfaithful in almost every relationship I've been involved in. Its something I'm not proud of and a habit I am trying desperately to change. I haven't stepped out on my wife physically in more than 2 years.

I have another active thread discussing if I should confess to my wife or not about the past mistakes. I didn't want to piggyback on my other thread and post this so I created a new thread. I'm not sure what the exact posting rules so I apologize if this post violates the rules. My older post, for anyone who is curious is:

Wife found out about emotional affair. There is more though. Do I confess or not?

An idea I have been considering discussing with my wife is potentially opening up our marriage a little bit. I've never really even for a second considered leaving my wife for another woman. She is the love of my life. But I am a flawed person and I have my demons. I think one of those demons is I struggle to remain monogamous to one person. I think an arrangement where casual sex outside of the marriage is allowed would be acceptable. I'm not sure if I would be comfortable with my wife sleeping with other people but it is a compromise. If we used protection at all times and as long as the relationships remained casual I think it could work.

Its just an idea I have been thinking about. My wife is in 31 1/2 weeks pregnant right now so it would be some time before I brought this idea up. I think it is an idea with some merits.
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Old 04-25-2012, 02:36 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is an open-marriage a good idea?

Good luck with that.
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Old 04-25-2012, 02:38 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Old 04-25-2012, 02:38 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is an open-marriage a good idea?

Nope. In your case not a good idea. Not really a good idea in any case.
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Old 04-25-2012, 02:40 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is an open-marriage a good idea?

How much of this have you told your wife? I guess what I'm asking is, does she know what a struggle it is for you to remain faithful to her?

I only ask because MOST women wouldn't want a man that couldn't remain faithful. It might have been something helpful for her to know before committing and investing herself to your relationship.
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Old 04-25-2012, 02:41 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is an open-marriage a good idea?

>>I'm not sure if I would be comfortable with my wife sleeping with other people<<

Do you wonder how she feels?
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Old 04-25-2012, 02:43 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is an open-marriage a good idea?

He wants to sleep with others, but she can't?

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Old 04-25-2012, 02:43 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is an open-marriage a good idea?

An open marriage is a good idea only if BOTH spouses are okay with it and see a mutual benefit.

The request you're making sounds like is only centered around YOUR benefit and not your wifes.
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Old 04-25-2012, 02:43 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is an open-marriage a good idea?

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How much of this have you told your wife? I guess what I'm asking is, does she know what a struggle it is for you to remain faithful to her?
My wife knows about an emotional affair I had with a co-worker. We are working through it together and she seems to be willing to forgive me for it. She doesn't know about the physical affairs or my struggles with remaining faithful. I'm still debating whether or not to come clean on those. I've been getting a lot of advice on my other thread about this.
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Old 04-25-2012, 02:44 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is an open-marriage a good idea?

You have cheated and she doesn't know. She doesn't know because you are deceitful and won't tell her.

But now you want her permission to sleep with others in an "open" marriage, but you don't really want her to sleep around, but could deal just so long as it's 'casual'.

Dude. Did you read what you wrote?
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Old 04-25-2012, 02:44 PM   #11 (permalink)
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He wants to sleep with others, but she can't?

Sounds more like a Sultan than a FallenMan.
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Old 04-25-2012, 02:45 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is an open-marriage a good idea?

Bad Idea usually leads to divorce best to have an open marriage without yr spouse knowing - JK
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Old 04-25-2012, 02:46 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is an open-marriage a good idea?

And damn if I'm going to sit at home "babysitting" while Hubs is out bonking some other woman!

Hell no.
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Old 04-25-2012, 02:47 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is an open-marriage a good idea?

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Originally Posted by FallenMan View Post
But I am a flawed person and I have my demons. I think one of those demons is I struggle to remain monogamous to one person.
Have you considered therapy to find out why this is? And I don't buy it that you are trying to "change it", if you are honestly asking if an open marriage is a good idea. In my HUMBLE opinion, you are doing nothing more than trying to figure out a way to have your cake and eat it too. And instead of working on your "demons" or trying to "change it", you are trying to come up with a way to keep cheating on your wife.
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Old 04-25-2012, 02:48 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is an open-marriage a good idea?

Quote:
Originally Posted by FallenMan View Post
I posted recently about my wife learning of an emotional affair I was apart of. There have been other incidents of unfaithfulness on my part. Since I was in my early/mid 20s I've been unfaithful in almost every relationship I've been involved in. Its something I'm not proud of and a habit I am trying desperately to change. I haven't stepped out on my wife physically in more than 2 years.

I have another active thread discussing if I should confess to my wife or not about the past mistakes. I didn't want to piggyback on my other thread and post this so I created a new thread. I'm not sure what the exact posting rules so I apologize if this post violates the rules. My older post, for anyone who is curious is:

Wife found out about emotional affair. There is more though. Do I confess or not?

An idea I have been considering discussing with my wife is potentially opening up our marriage a little bit. I've never really even for a second considered leaving my wife for another woman. She is the love of my life. But I am a flawed person and I have my demons. I think one of those demons is I struggle to remain monogamous to one person. I think an arrangement where casual sex outside of the marriage is allowed would be acceptable. I'm not sure if I would be comfortable with my wife sleeping with other people but it is a compromise. If we used protection at all times and as long as the relationships remained casual I think it could work.

Its just an idea I have been thinking about. My wife is in 31 1/2 weeks pregnant right now so it would be some time before I brought this idea up. I think it is an idea with some merits.
I wonder if you're a troll.
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