I want individual counseling and marriage counseling
I think you EACH need IC and together you need MC. It is hard to make a HEALTHY MARRIAGE (through MC) with two UNHEALTHY people. Thus, the need for IC x 2 AND
For the sake of your children, you and H need TO AGREE
that THIS IS THE LAST TIME you're going to go the MC route! This merry-go-round you two have dragged your kids on for THEIR ENTIRE LIVES is twisted! It ends NOW...either a SINCERE reconciliation OR a divorce. There are WORSE things for your kids than splitting their time at 2 houses and being step-children...like this convoluted, screwed-up 'marriage' you two currently have.
Do we or do we not stay together is the question. Im hoping counseling will help me come to a more informed conclusion.
THIS should be the PRIMARY focus of your MC. Until the first MC session actually occurs, I would recommend that EVERYBODY should STAY WHERE THEY ARE NOW! If your H is currently living in your home, he should stay there until you meet with your MC and s/he can make a determination. If your H is NOT currently living in your home he should stay out until you meet with your MC and s/he can make a determination. Your kids have SEEN ENOUGH of the coming and going. Let a professional help you determine the best current living arrangement.
Your MC MAY
recommend at some point that you and H physically separate for a while until certain boundaries have been established or certain actions have been undertaken. LISTEN to the MC...you're paying a professional for his/her opinion. Never mind what you and H think...it hasn't worked YOUR
way, so give the professional a chance. During your FIRST MC session, make sure you INSIST on the following:
1. Full disclosure to the MC. The Truth. The Whole Truth. No fudging on the facts, no glossing over the cr*ppy parts, no re-writing history. The WHOLE UGLY NASTY RIDICULOUS TRUTH! Your MC will NOT be able to help you OR YOUR CHILDREN if you're NOT willing to be 100% brutally honest. Face it, you two have nothing to lose...it can't get any worse than it is now!
2. Tell your husband that he has given you NO REASON to trust him. And it stops NOW. If he has ANYTHING to confess (like the affair has gone 'underground'), he better do it NOW. Because if he gives you even ONE more lie or subterfuge, you are going to file for divorce IMMEDIATELY. And, sunnybunny, YOU BETTER MEAN IT !!!!
You two have dragged your poor kids to Hell and back REPEATEDLY. If he is NOT going to be 100% honest, then he is wasting EVERYBODY'S time and p*ssing away your kids' childhoods! And YOU are certainly not without fault in this whole mess, either.
This is the LAST CHANCE your family has of surviving this mess. YOU
, sunnybunny, are the last hope your children have for a shot at 'normal'. Some/all of them may need IC or you may need family counseling when all is said and done. But you two made this situation what it is, and you two have to clean it up, however hard it may be.