04-27-2012, 11:18 AM
Join Date: Jun 2010
| | Re: He doesn't understand...
Originally Posted by lostluv
Ok, so life was all sunshine and roses for about 2 years, got engaged, hit a few rough patches and figured it would all smooth over. It's not. Every time we have a relationship discussion he has all these things that he said he was fine with but apparently he's not. He says he doesn't want to change them it's "just something he has to deal with". I have told him I would gladly give things up for him and he tells me not to because he knows how important they are to me. When I try to tell him he is more important than what I would be giving up he just keeps telling me no, he doesn't want that. I feel that he now thinks that I am totally self centered and that he will never come first. That is the price he pays to stay with me. I HATE THAT. I have tried to explain to him how much those type statements bother me but he just tells me they shouldn't. He says it just proves how much he loves me and that should make me happy. That his underlying opinion isn't what matters, just that we are together. I have tried to explain that it hurts me deeply that he has such a low opinion of me and that he feels the way he does. He just says it shouldn't matter what he thinks, i should just be happy we're together and love each other. What can I do? It hurts so bad knowing that the man I love unconditionally has such a low opinion of me.
I'm guessing that the way he communicates his opinion is causing your grief, not the opinion itself. If someone expresses their preferences in a judgmental or attacking fashion, their partner is understandably pained. Presenting oneself as a martyr is not very loving either. Hopefully he can express his likes and dislikes and leave it at that.