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Old 04-30-2012, 06:08 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should a wife stand by her husband or her kids from 1st marriage??

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Originally Posted by golfergirl View Post
Call me one of them too. Sorry, you did not state one valid reason why you dislike them. You sound like you put a choose them or me ultimatum out there and you lost.
You sound very cold. A big part of a loving relationship is 'what I can do for you' , not 'what are you doing for me'. Someone has to start it. Want your wife to love you? Treat her kids well.
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I have treated her kids well tho they seem to not like anyone in their mums life as then they dont get as much attention as the whole world has to stop for them....and by the way im not cold...its her kids who are cold to me....Im a very good communicator tho somehow couldnt do it with her kids as they have been babied for too long and are in their own little world
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Old 04-30-2012, 06:12 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should a wife stand by her husband or her kids from 1st marriage??

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"Just have never liked what she said to me about the kids came before me...who cares.....They have their own father living in the same town and should never have affected our marriage...tho iut did cause she babied her kids along with her parents babying them..."

Her kids are 17 and 22 now but they were 9 and 14 when you hooked up with their mother and 11 and 16 when you married her. You had some strange idea that her kids should never have impacted your marriage? If they are being babied now, they were babied then. You watched her rear these kids for two years before marrying her. Did you imagine that she'd morph into a different human being once she married you? Of course her parents "baby" their grandkids! They are the folks who raised your wife. Where did you think she learned her parenting skills? If these two boys are worthless, what have you done over the past 6 years to teach them better? Why haven't you earned their respect?
1 boy and 1 girl...they have never respected any man in their mothers life...end of story....I blame it on my wife and her parents upbringing and thinking her kids are so great when they dont know how to respect me....Selfish kids and crappy parenting
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Old 04-30-2012, 06:28 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should a wife stand by her husband or her kids from 1st marriage??

I realize you have fathered kids. Have you actually raised any teens as a single parent? If not, how do you know you could have done better? Real respect is the only kind worth having and it must to be earned.
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Old 04-30-2012, 06:40 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should a wife stand by her husband or her kids from 1st marriage??

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Ive been married to my wife for 6 years and been with her for 8 years and ive lived with her 2 kids for the time we have been married and she just thinks they are perfect kids tho I have a different view of them...By the way I have my own 2 children living in another country who i go back to see when i can...The difficult thing is that she babies her kids even at 17 and 22 and they are lazy and never really have a conversation with me...Anyway to cut a long story short we have seperated and its mainly because her kids dont like me....I have supported them all these years tho they are in their own little world and cause they arent mine there has been tension in house for so long...I love my wife tho enjoy being with her and not her hanger on kids who should have a life of their own by now...Anyway my wife walked out cause of the influence of her kids...Yes i have told them secrets i shouldnt have tho im blamed for it when their mum and dad should have said....Should my wife stand by me as they will be gone from home soon and living their own life and then where will my wife and I be?
Having kids is a commitment for life. She should do what is best for them before anything else. A 17 year old is still a child.

You come across as selfish and overbearing. All the behaviour that you criticise in your wife sounds very normal to me. Maybe you should introspect a little and try and figure out why both your marriages have failed.

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Old 04-30-2012, 06:50 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should a wife stand by her husband or her kids from 1st marriage??

"Yes Ive never enjoyed the way my wife jumps when her kids ring or need to be picked up or made some food....Makes me sick...I dont think its good parenting!!! "

This Is awful, Im sorry but you just sound Jealous. At 17 and 22 these Kids ( Yes Kids, emotionally they are still imature regardless of how they come across) Need there Mum in a very different way than ever before. And if it really makes you sick watching her behave in a way that a dedicated mother should, then you have no place in this lady's life or her offspring.
Should she agree with you and change her manner with them at this point in their lives then the damage she would do to the relationship she has with them would be irrepairable.

I could not agree more with the fact previousley raised that you have had enough years in these kids lives to change the way they interact with you, respect is earned, it is not a right.If they really are that bad with you then there must be reasons why. If they have not seen you fully support their Mum 100% then there is no wonder things are like they are.
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Old 04-30-2012, 08:44 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should a wife stand by her husband or her kids from 1st marriage??

These are the kids that end up like my husband who is a 46 year old mommys boy...a constant screw up. Yesterday while I questioned him about our divorce papers ( mind you I am his 3rd failed marriage) it felt as though I was arguing with a retarded monkey. His stupidity has been encouraged and embraced... this goes for with the grandchildren. Btw... they pick and choose grandchildren He has 4 from different women... I was the only one that didn't have any with him because his family acts like pathetic scavengers over 2. I understand what your saying and no you will not be appreciated... your there to be seen, pay out and not be heard and not have any say
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Old 04-30-2012, 09:19 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should a wife stand by her husband or her kids from 1st marriage??

When you marry somebody with children, are these things not thought about, because thought about and taken on board properly, taking on kids and deciding to love them unconditionally along with your partner, you dont get 6 or 7 years down the line not being able to stand them!

My Husband could be described as a "mummys boy". However the result of his close relationship with his mum is that he respects women, he respects his wifes mother in law regardless of her faults and his views on parenting are near perfection. On the other hand my own mother decided that her needs were above mine as a child and her relationships were priority not my feelings. I had a very difficult time indeed, and when I was going through the horrible chore of growing up ( the worst times being from 17 - 22) She was to wrapped up in how her partner would feel, or did feel about things to do what her job was and be the mother I needed her to be ( She used to have to sneak food out the house for me when I fell on hard times to avoid a huge argument with her partner, thats just one example of many ) It was horrible and I felt so rejected, and at 31, I still do.

Your mum should embrace whatever you are,A perfect Son and Husband or a Retarded Monkey, the fact he is behaving like the latter is HIS fault! and bears no relation to wether his mum was "too dedicated" You are responsible for your own behavior, and yes your upbringing can create obsticles it should never be used as a reason.
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Old 04-30-2012, 09:39 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should a wife stand by her husband or her kids from 1st marriage??

too many parent coddle their kids and don't teach them to be self reliant.

espically single parents.

I say bull its not going to help them in the real world.

children grown or not should respect the person putting a roof over their heads and it the parents job to reenforce that sounds like she dropped the ball.
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Old 04-30-2012, 10:24 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should a wife stand by her husband or her kids from 1st marriage??

There's only your side to go on so it's a tough judgement call. There might have been things you could have done better - not just putting a roof over their heads, but genuinely trying to interact with them and helping to raise them as the male role model in the house. Or her kids have disliked you from the start and have ulitmately made your wife choose between them or you. It's up to you to really look at yourself and give an honest evaluation about what's gone on. Think about how you've seen the last few years, and how the kids have seen it through their eyes.
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Old 04-30-2012, 03:04 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should a wife stand by her husband or her kids from 1st marriage??

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Originally Posted by Gemwas View Post
When you marry somebody with children, are these things not thought about, because thought about and taken on board properly, taking on kids and deciding to love them unconditionally along with your partner, you dont get 6 or 7 years down the line not being able to stand them!

My Husband could be described as a "mummys boy". However the result of his close relationship with his mum is that he respects women, he respects his wifes mother in law regardless of her faults and his views on parenting are near perfection. On the other hand my own mother decided that her needs were above mine as a child and her relationships were priority not my feelings. I had a very difficult time indeed, and when I was going through the horrible chore of growing up ( the worst times being from 17 - 22) She was to wrapped up in how her partner would feel, or did feel about things to do what her job was and be the mother I needed her to be ( She used to have to sneak food out the house for me when I fell on hard times to avoid a huge argument with her partner, thats just one example of many ) It was horrible and I felt so rejected, and at 31, I still do.

Your mum should embrace whatever you are,A perfect Son and Husband or a Retarded Monkey, the fact he is behaving like the latter is HIS fault! and bears no relation to wether his mum was "too dedicated" You are responsible for your own behavior, and yes your upbringing can create obsticles it should never be used as a reason.
Which says you are in fact... going off a personal experience and stating your opinion... as am I!
He isn't the one that left... She did! When her sons decide to go off and get married do u believe for 1 second that they will think twice about marrying a person that their mother despises! Probably Not!
As far as embracing the retarded monkey... 2 other children were neglected by her sorry @$$ because she failed to instill a little thing called common sense in him... so she sucks as a grandmother as well! I will not let my child nor any one else's child manipulate my life! I am there to love, feed, cloth support and nurture... as long as she is safe... I don't have to obey!

BTW..A momma's boy is not always a sign of his respect for women, because my husband has had no qualms about hitting nor degrading women with his domestic violence charge on his ex wife.... A RETARDED MONKEY!
I am not one who felt I had to be nursed my whole life by my mother to feel loved... I was happy when my mother was happy!
The children I took as my own even before my husband and I married had a very good life with me Their mother was physically and horribly verbally abusive! I spent time that their parents didn't and they hung all over me and loved me! We would all have girls night together watching movies and laughing, I did their laundry, cooked special meals, gave them special birthdays, taught them to drive... u name it! They got older and played everyone against each other! Found out later the mothers husband who was a cop was molesting them... but where did they run back to...their mother who is an embezzling felon! After me fighting for so long to get them out of a bad situation these choices left me and my husband at constant battle and they bashed me to in laws... who know I was the only one there for them and was very good to them! Like I said... nothing you can do will make them care for you! You don't necessarily have to be crappy and it doesn't matter how much of a relationship you have with them... been there done that!
Maybe it should be written in the vows That one should love, honor and obey the persons children and better not say a thing when they cause constant problems.

People don't come with signs or choices would be easier.

Last edited by Done_Trying_ 4_Ingrates; 04-30-2012 at 03:51 PM.
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Old 04-30-2012, 03:39 PM   #26 (permalink)
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I frequently read on a step parent forum and as a step parent, sometimes participate with responses. The stories are all the same - just like this one. The only differences that ever occur is who is to blame. Yes, everyone has a responsibility in their role as a blended family, but there is always one person to blame. In this case, I think you are the blame for the breakdown of your marriage. I think this even though you didn't give us much history and conveniently didn't tell us specifically what happened that made her leave. That her son wanted her to leave is not much information at all. But, I know there is a reason he wanted her to leave, and that reason did not occur with just this one incident. I am very familiar with the children being resentful of the step parent and don't want their mother or father being with someone other than their mother or father.

Kids always want their parents together or to get back together, and another person being in the picture means that can't happen. Her roles as your wife and their mother means she has to establish some boundaries and respect for her new partner to make it possible for him to become the other head of household. The two of you should be a united front even though the kids try to tear you apart.

Your role is to be her husband. It is not your role to try to be their father or other parent. You have to demand respect, and your wife should not play monkey in the middle, but you can't decide to dislike them or dislike the way she raises them. It is not your business or concern. As you mentioned many times, you have your own children. Her children are not yours, so your role was never to try to be a father to them. Your disdain for them shows here like a great big invisible elephant on the board. Believe me, your disdain showed in the home and their daily lives just as prominently.....for the last 8 years. Yes, they are selfish. Children are selfish. ALL children are selfish. Yours are not so sweet or gentle as you try to make us believe. You have no idea how your children are. You are not there raising them. They do not live with you and your wife - the woman who is not their mother. Your children are children like all others and given the same circumstances, they will do what all other children do.

From your complaints here about her kids, it seems to me you are the most immature person in this scenario. There is no telling what happened that made her leave, but I do know that her leaving was a long time coming. I certainly would not have stayed all these years with a guy who dislikes my kids and speaks of them so egregiously. So what that she scratches their back. How is that anything to complain about to make it seem they are so awful and she spoils them so badly? Doesn't everyone need another person to scratch their back? You are jealous that she shows her children love and attention. You would be jealous if she layed across the bed and rubbed the dog's back. I know men like you - men who complain that wifey gives the dog more attention than she gives him. It is a common complaint, actually. You don't like the attention she gives her children, so you make big problems out of everyday life and criticizes the usual things that kids do. But, you wouldn't know the usual things that kids do because you haven't raised yours and prefer to think they are perfect and her kids are so awful. The tension in the home likely was not handled very well by her, but it was brought on by you, and they are all tired of it by now.
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Old 04-30-2012, 03:53 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should a wife stand by her husband or her kids from 1st marriage??

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Originally Posted by chillymorn View Post
too many parent coddle their kids and don't teach them to be self reliant.

espically single parents.

I say bull its not going to help them in the real world.

children grown or not should respect the person putting a roof over their heads and it the parents job to reenforce that sounds like she dropped the ball.
I Agree!

I am a firm believer that you have to give respect in order to receive! I think the step parent should act as one and give love and try... but a person can't be a doormat nor should they have to kiss @ss to make it through everyday!
I see marriages fail because the kids are in charge yet they can't change their own diaper! If the parent lives under their childs thumb than they should stay single until they have raised them!

Last edited by Done_Trying_ 4_Ingrates; 04-30-2012 at 04:11 PM.
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Old 04-30-2012, 05:01 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should a wife stand by her husband or her kids from 1st marriage??

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Should my wife stand by me as they will be gone from home soon and living their own life and then where will my wife and I be?
Would/Should/Could makes NO difference. You are NEVER going to be a higher priority with your wife than her children (and future grandchildren) are. That is a fact.

You need to decide if you can live with that or not.
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Old 04-30-2012, 05:05 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should a wife stand by her husband or her kids from 1st marriage??

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This Is awful, Im sorry but you just sound Jealous. At 17 and 22 these Kids ( Yes Kids, emotionally they are still imature regardless of how they come across) Need there Mum in a very different way than ever before.
You can`t be serious.

These kids have entered adulthood and if they had been parented well they would "need" their mother nearly not at all.

If they still "need" their mommy as adults the mommy has screwed up and I don`t think continuing the same methods are going to do anything but further enable them.
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Old 04-30-2012, 05:32 PM   #30 (permalink)
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You can`t be serious.

These kids have entered adulthood and if they had been parented well they would "need" their mother nearly not at all.

If they still "need" their mommy as adults the mommy has screwed up and I don`t think continuing the same methods are going to do anything but further enable them.
She rings them every day and scratched his back once. What a crime.

The OP is petulant and jealous. He mentioned nothing that is out of the ordinary for parents. Physical affection and a chat on the phone?

People who are averse to normal human contact with a 17 year old child are the ones who are screwed up.
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