Husband is staying up late chatting with other woman

Melancholy84 · 04-30-2012, 10:47 AM

Hi,

We have been married for sometime now and have been going out for many years prior to that. To be honest we have not made love coz initially i wasnt ready and then the passion and urge of making love just faded away till now. I know that is a huge problem but we are okay with it. My husband is a very nice and humble man and he told me that marriage is not all about sex.

6 months ago my husband has been chatting on YM till late 2-3 am and hardly comes in to bed with me. This resulting me in feeling left out, ignored and other mixed feelings. Im awake sometimes after going to the toilet and cant go back to sleep feeling depressed. Well im fat,and has strech marks due to some hormonal problems i had a few years back. My husband keeps giving me excuses that he has no desire to make love with me anymore and has put a constrain on me to loose weight and then he will make love to me. Well im trying my best to loose weight and has lost quite a lot but i still have more to go.

My issue here is my husband has been chatting and i know he is using cam and also watches other woman's breast and he do show off his **** and cum for them. I once confronted him and he confessed that i was just to make him feel happy. I just dont know what to do anymore? Please advice me. He gets really mad when i touch on this topic. He always to me to give him his own space. For so long im just longing for him to hug me and show his love to me.

that_girl · 04-30-2012, 10:58 AM

So you married him but didn't have sex with him?

Obviously he wants/needs sex because he is going online for it because he doesn't want to pressure you.

Why did you not want sex? medical issue? Or mental?

Sex is a HUGE part of marriage.

Melancholy84 · 04-30-2012, 11:15 AM

Yes ur right. I was not mentally ready at that time and it was quite painful the first few times when we tried. My husband tried to penetrate in but i was scared and told him to stop coz its painful and he did not want to hurt me. it was also the first time for him. Also after that he had a couple of issue with his work and was about to get laid off and we were moving into our new house and the it led to financial burden and the sex just got out of our head. But we still do tease each other sexually but no sex yet.

I dont know how to make him happy. I put on some sexy lingerie and all and get him excited. Yes we end up teasing each other passionately but still not ready to make love. Dont know why and where have this desire gone too. Now im just fed up with him and sometimes goes to bed without a goodnite kiss. But i know that whenever he comes to bed i can feel that he kisses me on my forehead and says that he loves me. Its just that he doesnt show it to me and do it while im awake. I wanna feel it and kiss and hugs him back.

Hope1964 · 04-30-2012, 02:36 PM

You guys need some serious sex counseling. It is NOT normal to be married and not have sex.

Shaggy · 04-30-2012, 02:48 PM

He's cheating with these women. The conversation you need have is he stops and commits to you 110% or divorce will happen immediately. No negotiation, no winding down. Do not accept this blatant cheating.
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waiwera · 04-30-2012, 03:52 PM

Gosh sorry your here... this isn't how a happy marriage looks.

Your H needs to stop having cyber sex with other women TODAY and put his energy into you and your marriage.

I agree that if a sex counsellor would be an excellent start.
I'm sure this will be fixable with a bit of time and effort.

Melancholy84 · 04-30-2012, 09:30 PM

Thank you for your replies. I know something is wrong but when we talk about it he gets angry and says that nothing is wrong. He has only reason to pick on me thats my weight. He keeps telling me that he dont find me attractive anymore and i think he is getting bored of me now. We have been in a relationship for 10 years now.

Do u really think we have a problem and needs counseling? But he keeps saying that nothing is wrong. And all his chatting will stop one day.and one day our making love will come naturally.

Im in so much pain inside but he thinks im mad and not giving him enough space.

eowyn · 04-30-2012, 10:32 PM

I think your husband is quite insensitive to tell you that he doesn't find you attractive and that you need to loose weight in order to have sex. Also cyber-cheating on you should not be acceptable. I think you need to take a stand and stop him from doing this.

As for the painful sex, like others suggested it would be good to consider sex counseling. Also read this Home - Vaginismus.com It might be helpful. See if you can get past this 'pain' and ask your husband to help you with it. It might also give you guys a chance to reconnect. If not sex counseling, schedule an apt with your obgyn and ask her if it could be vaginismus. One of my friend had this issue and i remember she mentioned that it is easy to get past it if you know what to do. You can order the self-help kit from the website and fix the problem on your own. Good luck.

keko · 04-30-2012, 10:36 PM

You refused him sex and he's looking for it somewhere else.

He needs to stop cyber-sexing, yesterday.

Why don't you have sex with him? The longer you delay it the less he is going to be attracted to you.
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SlowlyGettingWiser · 04-30-2012, 10:49 PM

Quote:

We have been in a relationship for 10 years now. Do u really think we have a problem and needs counseling?

YES! You've been together 10 years (married for some time...you haven't said how long) and you've never had sex with each other.

You haven't had sex with him because 1st you weren't ready, now it's too painful.

He hasn't had sex with you because you're too heavy (in his opinion). So he has cyber-sex with other women.

Doesn't it sound to YOU like you two need sex counseling?

Hope1964 · 05-01-2012, 04:40 PM

If he won't listen to you, break up with him. Then get yourself sorted out (why is sex painful, why do you allow him to treat you so bad for so long, etc) before you get into another relationship.

And yes, he is cheating on you. Stand up for yourself!!!!! Tell him you are filing for divorce because he is cheating, he belittles you, and he doesn't think there's a problem when it's been TEN YEARS and no sex.

I find it REALLY hard to believe he isn't getting sex on the side. No normal man says 'the sex will come naturally', meanwhile telling his wife she's too fat and there's no problem with not ever having sex, and cybercheating. He's cheating on you by doing a LOT more than cybering.

Locard · 05-01-2012, 04:55 PM

A sexless marriage is more like a prison sentance for a man and you really haven't given a real reason early on for the lack of it, only minimized your culpability in the matter.

Sounds harsh but now here you are. I really do hope you can right the ship. Try Marks Daily Apple blog out for some help in how to loose weight, you will be happier if you loose weight one way or the other!