I'm going to try to keep this as short and simple as possible. My issues in my relationship are...
1. By common law my man and I are married but I feel that isn't enough and would like a legalized marriage.
2. He doesn't seem to think I should get all riled up over this and says... its just a piece of paper...(My family seems to feel the same as him in this area which is extremely frustrating.)
3. He can go out and spend 800 dollars on a damn bird and give it to me as a gift but he can't bother so much as to get even a 10-30 dollar engagement ring? I feel he should have done this when i was pregnant with our first child... and now.. i feel if he were to do it... it would just say to me that he finally got bored with "Appearing to be single" and finally decided he was ready to commit.. and that just pisses me off and causes me to resent him.
4. I feel he uses my anxiety about being around people I don't know as an excuse to make me look like a controlling *****.
5. I have tourettes, anxiety, ocd, and a bit of depression.. yes I still need to see a psychiatrist for this and i plan to as soon as I am able to leave for job corps.
6. Like everyone else we have financial issues... such as medical bills, utilities, ect that I constantly worry over.. which is why I outright made this decision to go to job corps so at least one of us has a stable job. Of course he plans on going to the marines as soon as i get back.
7. I hardly go out anywhere because of tics(from tourettes) that start up when I get stressed... and I get stressed due to my anxiety... so it all ends up embarrassing me and making me feel like a freak of nature or something. No my tics aren't verbal like alot of people assume goes on with tourrettes, they are sometimes vocal and sometimes physical.
8. I feel like he only stays with me because he feels obligated to due to us having kids... which makes me not want to be with him even more.... I don't want someone to be with me solely because we have kids... I want them to be with me because he loves me.
9. I know I have alot of issues mentally and physically which i try to keep under control for the most part but I just feel like I have to many issues and I wonder why he refuses to just let the relationship end and each of us go our own separate ways.... I keep thinking that he is in no way happy with being with me, especially since i have so many issues.. and sometimes feel like he's playing head games.. but that could all be me over reacting due to my anxiety.(of course after we talked about it i hardly feel this way lately and when i do i let him know)
10. I have been abused in the past so at times I have lashed out at him when I felt threatened but again probably over react which i know is ridiculous and its something I've been working on trying to control.
11. I have tried writing stories to make money off of like he had suggested but with tending to kids and bills and all I don't have the concentration for it.
So with all this... and feeling overwhelmed by it.. I'm hoping that at job corps or after.. we can at least afford the counseling we need... I do want to stay with him which is why I am here reading over these forums, playing that lovepong communication game with him, checked out the five languages of love quiz(which really helped after learning about our love languages) and planning to buy the book. Of course while I'm at job corps I plan on getting therapy for myself and my issues because i hate how my anxiety has effected my life. So our relationship has been pretty rocky, especially dealing with our in laws.. which is why i don't speak to my family currently. (Brothers threatened to beat him up and mother kept trying to break us up by mentioning my past bfs and comparing him to them)Well I guess their not really in laws since we aren't legally married... but you get the point. Of course according to him our relationship isn't rocky.... "Were just sailing in the ocean" as he puts it...
And yes I've discussed all this with him, especially recently which is why its been getting better... but i still cant wait to go to counseling.