General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
So basically my wife and I have been fighting about the same thing over and over for weeks now. To start, ive been sick for a while now, i had a tumor removed recently, ive been in and out of work due to various health issues that we are still trying to resolve. Our fight started about a week after i was injured at work due to a fall related to my previous medical condition and it put me out of work again for a while. She wanted to go out for a quick drink with friends after she got off work at 11. I said sure whatever, then she comes home at 2am. Needless to say i was a little upset because that isnt what a quick drink after work is to me. She got pissed because i was being "controlling" and she should be able to go out with friends after work. We got over it and things were ok. Then it was again, im going to go out for a drink with friends, so i put my foot down. I said i wasnt comfortable with it and I dont know these people and why cant you just go out with your friends here that i know and trust. She said that shes been working her ass off and she needs a drink so i tell her no because we havent seen each other at all the past 2 weeks. So she lies about being at work and goes for a little bit anyways ( i knew because i tracked her phone) so again it turned into a huge fight with her saying im providing nothing for the family because i havent been able to work, everything is my fault and blah blah. So the past few weeks have been a rough time between us. Shes said shes been angry with me because i havent been taking care of my health or taking care of things around the house. I admit i've been on the lazy side, but its hard as to most of the time i just feel like crap and want to lay in bed. Shes just so distant and she keeps blaming it on these things, but to me it just seems with my situation that these things shouldnt be as big of an issue as they are. I keep fearing that there is something else going on. Last night again she told me she was at work, which she was, but she said she had a few drinks at her work. She said she lied to keep me from freaking out and i tell her that when she lies we have more of a problem because i have no trust whatsoever. She yells at me for bringing up this isssue constantly, but i want to resolve it and it just always turns into a fight. We have been married for 4 years and have a 3 yr old together and now all of the sudden its wanting to go out for drinks, and today she tells me that i have to understand that she needs to go out to make good with managers and socialize to further her career. It just doesnt seem that everything is fitting together to me.
I've never understood that concept.... I know with my man and I.... if we want a drink... we have a drink at home together. Of course we haven't recently since I'm pregnant and all but I've always found it more entertaining to have a drink with the man i love rather then at a bar or something. I guess that's just me though.
I think you have a bunch of issues here... I would say, first handle the ones that are more manageable (the ones that are in your hands to fix)... Get yourself together, Start taking care of your health, Take care of the house, your daughter while not expecting much from your wife in the meantime. Get back to work if you can. Take up any job that will keep you busy and help you make some $$. Have an action plan. Give yourself couple of weeks. At the end you will be in a better state of mind and will be able to deal with the wife's social/drinking issue more gracefully. Right now, you are in a tight spot.. whatever you do, however you handle it, is most likely to make it worse.
That wouldn't bode well with me either. But I can see the others points, she is going through some stress too handling all the finances and I'm sure your health issues have taken it's toll on her as well, however, that being said, making new friends isn't the answer, at all. I don't know the solution to your problem but just based on what you said, I think fix what you can, and try to talk with her.
Your basic problem isn't that she went out for a drink. Your primary problem is you have a wife that needs a break from you. Your secondary problem is that she can't tell you the truth about her feelings so she resorts to lies. You aren't able to support your family right now but you are able to take care of the house. Do it and maybe she'll feel more like hanging out with you instead of her friends. The only place you can put your foot down is on the floor. You can't control where your wife goes or how long she stays. You can only create conditions where she enjoys your company and wishes to hang out with you. It doesn't matter what anyone here thinks is right or wrong. If the goal is to keep your wife, you'll have to treat her with common respect. It's unfair that she has to work a fulltime job and then come home to more work while you've been lounging in the fart sack. Want her to behave like a wife? Then you must behave like a husband.
If i were able to do the things i used to do i would. Im the obsessively clean one. However, i am not lazy just for being lazy. I am lazy because in the past 2 months ive suffered a concussion, several bulging discs and a heart condition. Walking up 6 stairs puts me out of breath and im 29 yrs old an in excellent shape, however these medical issues are making me useless. Ive said in a previous post that im ok with her going out with friends, but she refuses to hang out with her normal friends and now its all about work friends and thats why i get suspicious. Posted via Mobile Device
Like I said in your other thread, going to bars/clubs with new friends is very risky to a married wife. Do your best to have her get rid of those toxic friends and spend more time with her child. Posted via Mobile Device
Several issues man.... First of all, take care of your health. Try to adjust yourself with her life. Trust is very necessary in a relationship, so you must trust her.
If i were able to do the things i used to do i would. Im the obsessively clean one. However, i am not lazy just for being lazy. I am lazy because in the past 2 months ive suffered a concussion, several bulging discs and a heart condition. Walking up 6 stairs puts me out of breath and im 29 yrs old an in excellent shape, however these medical issues are making me useless. Ive said in a previous post that im ok with her going out with friends, but she refuses to hang out with her normal friends and now its all about work friends and thats why i get suspicious. Posted via Mobile Device
So you're putting your comfort ahead of the relationship, and she's putting her career / work friends ahead of it.
Honestly, I'd get mad at you, too. If you told me you wanted me to hang with "regular friends" that you knew, and got angry with me for developing new friendships, I would assume you either didn't trust me or you were being demanding. Neither one would sit well with me, and I would definitely not feel emotionally supported. That could be a breaking point for me if I was also being responsible for most of the family income, too, and coming home to a house that hasn't been cared for.
Is there any reason you can't get a sitter for a few late-night hours and meet her there so you can get to know her new friends, the ones she feels are important to her career? Or why she can't invite a couple of them over on a weekend or something?
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Constant fighting 
