General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
My wife of almost 22 years has jokingly said that she is going through a MLC. And it has scared the crap out of me. She has changed appearance, she has a more outgoing personality, and the action in the bedroom has gone through the roof!!
If she is still having sex with me, still telling me that she loves me........could she STILL be looking for something else??
If I were you lap it up, it sounds like she loves you, wants you and wants to look good for you, sounds a good thing to me, go enjoy yourselves without worry. Put it this way if you had just met her and she was like this there would be no questions.:-) Posted via Mobile Device
From my experiences and reading, two reasons are the most common, but there are additional outliers. One is age related hormonal changes in a woman's 40s (or so), the other is somebody else is on her mind. Those two probably cover 90%.
If you are scared about #2, then you need to do some private investigation to verify, with emphasis on not letting her find out and not tipping your hand. Read the CWI forums here for what to check for and methods to use. If you are hesitant because that seems like you don't trust her, etc, realize that you are protecting your marriage by definitively resolving serious doubts about it that would otherwise cause longer term issues. It would be GREAT to be able to relax and fully enjoy this confidently knowing that it's all about the two of you.
From my experiences and reading, two reasons are the most common, but there are additional outliers. One is age related hormonal changes in a woman's 40s (or so), the other is somebody else is on her mind. Those two probably cover 90%.
If you are scared about #2, then you need to do some private investigation to verify, with emphasis on not letting her find out and not tipping your hand. Read the CWI forums here for what to check for and methods to use. If you are hesitant because that seems like you don't trust her, etc, realize that you are protecting your marriage by definitively resolving serious doubts about it that would otherwise cause longer term issues. It would be GREAT to be able to relax and fully enjoy this confidently knowing that it's all about the two of you.
Not scared or concerned about #2. And I KNOW that there have been some hormonal issues going on. She IS getting treated for that. It is just so out of the norm from what I have been used to..................
Your wife is WAY too young for a MLC. They don't occur for another couple of decades when people look at what they have/have not accomplished in their lives and their subsequent dissatisfaction with those accomplishments (or lack thereof.)
Your wife is STILL YOUNG and is still trying to discover WHO SHE REALLY IS? What she wants out of life, what she wants to be in life, what image she wants to portray to the world of who she is.
If you have NO REASON to suspect her of infidelity (surreptitious texts or emails, new passwords you're not privy to, unaccounted for time, general dissatisfaction with you or the marriage), then I would suggest she is just growing, changing, trying on 'new' versions of HER to see what she likes.
That is what it looks like as well..............thanks for the post!
I read that he has been married for 22 years. Not that she is 22 years old. Yes this is a very critical time. Two decades later would be around 60.
Hey, we can call this an MLC all we want. I think it is a very natural thing in our lives to go through phases. The hormonal part is huge.
I think the take away is that the OP needs to adjust and make sure his and her needs are being met. That they spend quailty time together. The fact that the sex is better is wonderful.
It never hurts to be vigilant to make sure behaviors do not become inappropriate.
So OP do you guys have transparency? Are your accounts open to one another? Have any outside activities changed? Are there other men showing up or showing interest? It would be natural for them to show interest if she is more outgoing, but we are talking about other men investing time in her. has she started going to the gym, staying out later or in general doing any activities one would expect of a single person?
BTW turning 30, 40 and 50 can be a challenge for many. 40 is common for women. And again hormones are huge.
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Last edited by Entropy3000; 05-03-2012 at 10:26 AM.
I took your original post as meaning your W was about 22yo. (I think I have 'Old Timers'...a precursor to Alzheimer's!) That IS way too young for a MLC. If your W is 40+ she is in the timeframe for a MLC. It doesn't mean she's having a 'crisis' per se, she may just be trying to avoid old stale habits and ways of doing things/looking at things.
I still stand by the following portion of my original post
Quote:
If you have NO REASON to suspect her of infidelity (surreptitious texts or emails, new passwords you're not privy to, unaccounted for time, general dissatisfaction with you or the marriage), then I would suggest she is just growing, changing, trying on 'new' versions of HER to see what she likes.
Your W is now middle-aged. Everyone wants to avoid ageing, or feeling dowdy, or out-of-it, or unattractive. The next major portion of her life (70s+) will be old-age. If she wants to liven herself up now (in mid-life), feel young and vibrant, enjoy new things, those are all GOOD things! It's the people who never change, never grow, never learn new things, never expand their worlds who end up cynical, bitter, and unpleasant.
Not scared or concerned about #2. And I KNOW that there have been some hormonal issues going on. She IS getting treated for that. It is just so out of the norm from what I have been used to..................
If you are sure that #2 is a non issue that great.
Remember, we just saw you come here and post for the very first time. After 22+ years together you should be VERY, VERY in tune (often not at the conscious level) with what is normal for her, and something obviously was NOT, enough such that you came here and posted your concerns. The sad truth is that when this particular situation happens, #2 is the cause a non-trivial amount of the time. In any event, YOU are the one has spent all those years getting tuned into her, so you should know best what to make of it.
In addition to what others have posted, ask her what she wants! If she is always initiating and coming up with new stuff, you'd better cowboy up and come up with some new ideas, too or she is going to feel like she is the only one pushing the envelope.
In addition to what others have posted, ask her what she wants! If she is always initiating and coming up with new stuff, you'd better cowboy up and come up with some new ideas, too or she is going to feel like she is the only one pushing the envelope.
Enjoy!
That's just it. She does not KNOW what she wants. She has told me that she wants us, wants the family, but is tired of the responsibilities that go along with that. I can understand that, but we made this choice TOGETHER!! Nobody was twisting her arm to be a SAHM for 20+ years.........that was her choice! I have never asked her to get a job, or do anything of the sort! It has all been her decision.
Bottom line, there has been some trust issues over the last couple of months.....she has done some things (not infidelity or anything like that) that I FELT were inappropriate, she did not. Emotionally, it has destroyed me! I am slowly getting back to where I was, but she has NOT made it easy by any means!!
As a woman in her late 40's, I can attest to the drastic changes that hormones can invoke. I too have a sex drive through the roof, lost a lot of weight, and have been reevaluating my life in general--to the point of moving out. Unfortunately, my husband does not seem overly concerned about his lack of attention to my needs over the years and is only concerned with whether I'm having an affair (I'm not). If your W is directing positive energy your way via great sex or changing things up, go with it.
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MLC............ 
