frustr8dhubby

I am over the top frustrated with my 12 year old right now, but hate her? Never!

I love them all to death and they didn't ruin my world, they are my world. However, I also knew I wanted kids so I would definitely advise you to listen to others on here. If you don't KNOW you want kids, don't have them.

Pandakiss

i personally hate all kids..they are cute..over there. my husband is a kid/child magnet. we will be sitting at the park [smoking, and our kids at home] and random kids will just come up to him, and start talking...

my guy isnt freakishy tall but he has a large presence, and kids will just talk away to him...me not so much. he is nice about it, and will talk and respond to them, its strange.

i attract cats...

my fav saying is:i may not like you right now, but i will always love you.

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yami ni madoishi awarena kage yo
hito o kizutsuke otoshimete
ts umi ni oboreshi go no tama
i ppen shinde miru?

Mrs.K

While parenting is the hardest most exhausting thing I have ever done I love my kids and I don't feel like they have taken anything away from me I feel more like they have GIVEN me SO much.

I can say that I love every moment yup, even the worst and most difficult times!

SimplyAmorous

If I couldn't stand my rug rats, I'd probably spill it ....I try to be as real as I can with my experiences.

Here is what I think... I would never judge another's experience with kids ...to what your own MIGHT BE....or let that stop you & your wife....most of your outcome and experience will depend on YOU & her & how you guide them through their life....if you decide to have them one day.... I truly believe that.


I think it comes down to variety of things....how they may turn out in life....for instance...

1. Environment ....extended family's involvement, neighborhood growing up in, what he/she sees in the home, on tv, activities they are in, etc.

2. Parental influence ....are the parents involved, do they talk to their kids... deeply listen....are they approachable with problems, do the parents shame them, is the dad in their life...if not, Mom's job will be alot tougher.....

3. Family Genes .... often times our kids are a little chip off the old block, they have our traits in them, you will see it as they grow up, things you hate about yourself and sometimes the things you like about yourself too!

4. Who they Hang with- their friends .....you could take the best kid, on the right track in life, good self esteem , good grades...have him/her fall into some peer pressure & totally destruct his/her life. This is something to be on guard about as they enter High school, commuinciation with your kids needs to be at it's finest in these vital years.

5. Discipline ....If a parent is lax here (and it needs to start early)....that child is not going to respect authority, may become lazy, give into many vices. TOUGH LOVE is needed sometimes and tender love is needed other times.

Warn them of Consequences (always) to wrong behaviors.....Give them a little leeway in choices so they feel they have some control over their lives ...but warn them...you do this -this will = your result....if you let this one go...they may be lax, learn to take advantage of others (unhealthy boundaries), feel entitled to special treatment...this breeds many kids going through life aimlessly & wrecklessly.


I feel so much of parenting is instilling values in your kids....being that example before them...... there are certain behaviors that parents must model themselves...and TALK to your kids....really talk ....and never forget to LISTEN... this allows kids to want to talk to us. Let them have their say, even if you don't agree, let them get it out --then calmy discuss. That is showing them some respect from you... .....They will be more apt to listen to US, once we have heard them out.... then we get the stage... to explain the why's behind why things are not acceptable...to do this at every stage in thier lives, at their level. Not so much sheilding them from the big bad world too much......but educating them.

Showing them life can be beautiful, to reach for their dreams, I feel us parents are here to help them grow wings...so they can leave the nest someday.... Teach them it is OK to be different. If they have that stable foundation at home-this will help them even more. Hooking up with Good people generally = a better future.


I love this comment by Arbitrator... I wouldn't call our kids the "Wind beneath my wings"... when I hear that song... I think of their father.

But honestly, our life would not be what it is...without those precious "gifts" in it. We would be utterly lost...without them. Somehow we ENJOY the chaos & challenges they bring. I mean that -sincerely. We wanted and prayed for all 6 of them.... They have brought us so much Joy over the years, precious memories, even some of our good friends have been found through their friends (their parents)... our children have made us PROUD.

Are there times I want to pound them....heck yeah ! Do I yell in my home - I wouldn't be home if Mom didn't have something to YELL about ! I am very happy my neighbors are far away -so they don't hear me- they might think I am a crazy woman!

I would say our 10 yr old is the most difficult, he is highly sensitive (cries over a bagel for instance)...He is the most annoying little thing... he likes to get in your face & irritate his siblings to no end, then can't understand why they don't like him & want him to leave....then on top of this... his #1 Love language (I try to observe this in my children).... is "Words of Affirmation"... well I am not going to tell him how lovely & sweet he is when he is a pain up my butt. Me & him doesn't get along so well.... he likes his Dad much better. We are trying to work on him so he can see how badly this behavior is... to laugh at himself a little more & not take everything so sensitively. I forsee Hope.

So sure...challenges come in raising children. But the Good most certainly CAN outweigh the bad.

But we are a couple who wanted children before we even walked down the aisle...it was in our hearts.

..........

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"Love Good Blog"

Sanity

LOL lets see how you feel when you can't travel or achieve anymore goals because your adult diapers in the assisted living facility are full and need changing. I used to work in an old folks home. It was so sad to see childless people die alone with nobody to say goodbye to. But hey when is your next trip?

Children are one of the ways part of us lives on to future generations.

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I feel sorry for those with depression, mental illness, hangnails, bad hair, bad childhood memories, etc. I feel sorry for the visually impaired but that doesn't mean I want a blind person flying my airplane and my compassion won't make the flight any safer.

- Unbelievable

MrsKy

My mom used to say such things all the time. Her five children were "parasites" and "cost too much money." She wonders why my husband and I don't want to have babies. Idiot. She makes snide remarks about our marriage-I think that woman is just jealous of our freedom.

My MIL once screamed "I wish I never had kids!" when my husband confronted her about a rude comment she made about me. Strangely, both these women pressure us to have kids. I don't get it; I guess misery loves company?

I don't doubt that motherhood can be rewarding for many women. I just think that society tells women lies about how great being a mother is. No woman with kids can tell me that she doesn't have days, where she would be glad to trade places with me and not be tied down with the demands of children.

Hate being a mom | Secret Confessions

MrsKy

Do you think that all adult children take care of elderly parents?

Childless people have nieces, nephews, cousins, friends etc.

When I die, my three lovely nieces will come say goodbye to their loving auntie. They will remember our happy times and I plan on leaving my diamonds to those great girls.

The idea that childless people live empty lives is laughable at best. Openminded and intelligent people know that there are many paths to happiness.

MrsKy

Every child should have a mother like you!

KittyKat

I do not like children. I love my four legged children. But I really don't like the two legged variety. So courtesy of Ann Landers, here you go:

The Childless Couple

There is nothing sadder than a childless couple. It breaks my heart to see them relaxing around swimming pools in Florida, sitting all suntanned and miserable on the decks of their boats -- trotting off to Europe like lonesome fools. It's an empty life. Nothing but money to spend, more time to enjoy and a whole lot less to worry about.

The poor childless couple are so wrapped up in themselves, you have to feel sorry for them. They don't fight over the child's discipline, don't blame each other for the child's most obnoxious characteristics, and they miss all the fun of doing without for the child's sake. They just go along, doing whatever they want, buying what they want and liking each other. It's a pretty pathetic picture.

Everyone should have children. No one should be allowed to escape the wonderful experience that accompanies each stage in the development of the young -- the happy memories of sleepless nights, coughing spells, tantrums, diaper rash, debts, "dipso" baby sitters, saturated mattresses, emergencies and never-ending crises.

How dismal is the peaceful home without the constant childish problems that make a well-rounded life and an early breakdown; the tender, thoughtful discussions when the report card reveals the progeny to be one step below a moron; the end-of-the-day reunions with all the joyful happenings recited like well-placed blows to the temples.

Children are worth it. Every moment of anxiety, every sacrifice, every complete collapse pays off as a fine, sturdy adolescent is reached. The feeling of reward the first time you took the boy hunting -- he didn't mean to shoot you, the lad was excited. Remember how he cried? How sorry he was? And how much better you felt after the blood transfusion? These are the times a man with a growing son treasures -- memories that are captured forever in the heart and the limp.

Think back to the night of romantic adventure when your budding daughter eloped with the village idiot. What childless couple ever shared in the stark realism of that drama? Aren't you a better man for having lived richly, fully, acquiring that tic in your left eye? Could a woman without children touch the strength and heroism of your wife as she tried to fling herself out of the bedroom window?

The childless couple live in a vacuum. They fill their lonely days with golf, vacation trips, dinner dates, civic affairs, tranquility, leisure and entertainment. There is a terrifying emptiness without children, but the childless couple are too comfortable to know it.

You just have to look at them to see what the years have done: He looks boyish, unlined and rested; she's slim, well-groomed and youthful. It isn't natural. If they had had kids, they'd look like the rest of us -- worn out, wrinkled and exhausted.

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Skillet - It's Not Me It's You and Should've When You Could've Heal your heart by listening

SimplyAmorous

There is nothing wrong with choosing to not have children....nothing at all...we don't all share the same gifts and passions in this life. We have more children in this world who are suffering due to those who were not prepared or it was never in thier heart to be parents......our Foster Care system is busting at the seems....some shouldn't even entertain the idea. And that is OK.

It should be an agreed upon Lifestyle that a husband & wife want to live & share.

I hope to never be a Burden to my children ... I really hate that thought....When they leave the nest, it is their life to live, make their own families.... our mission completed...and we'll count it all JOY.

If we were loving respectful parents, they will want to come back and spend time with us, make time for us.. which will bring us happiness...but I refuse to "expect', or infringe upon them in their very busy lives raising their own kids- with jobs & the high demands of our world today. I will likely want to help them as much as I can- as this somehow is what brings ME & my husband Joy.

It is kinda like that book ..."The Giving Tree"... you just give & you give...at the end, the tree was just a stump...but it was "Happy". I look upon parenting like that. >>> The Giving Tree

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"Love Good Blog"

waiwera

Children teach you what unconditional and selfless love is... you get little or no thanks for much of what you do... maybe some soggy loves and kisses when their young and the occassional grunt during the teens. My eldest is now in his twenties and I'm just so proud and in love with him I could just burst.

Having said all that... I am also looking forward to the next stage of our lives...empty nesters... gosh hope the kids come visit

Dollystanford

I had my daughter when I was 21, 2 months out of university, when I had my whole 20's ahead of me, had split up with the father

I had to grow up, get out to work and support us on my own, rarely went out and could quite easily have resented that fact, and to be honest if I hadn't had her I may never have had children

but you know what? If I could go back I would still do it all again, because the single biggest achievement in my life is turning this tiny little baby into a gorgeous, fun, clever, sweet, popular young woman who has a great future ahead of her. She's the light of my life and I love her more than anything in the world. She doesn't follow the crowd and people like her all the more for it - her teachers love her, her friends love her, MY friends love her

love you lil' Dolly, you are the best *sob sob*

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Learn how to talk proper, know what I mean?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dollystanford I don't sweat....I glisten

KathyBatesel

I believe that even with ours kids we have (or don't have) compatibility. Since we get a chance to raise them with our values, we are more likely to have it. However, if the parents divorce, the kids may be exposed to plenty of incompatible values, not just at school but by other trusted adults.

I experienced that, and it has sometimes created tremendous strain with my children. Their dad is the Disneyland parent who let them run while he went to bars, smoked weed, and sometimes ventured into cocaine, while I was the strict one who didn't do any of these things. I held them accountable, and he accepted excuses.

For about 2 years, I dreaded talking to two of my girls because it almost always turned hostile. They were grown and had moved back to his house. They had started partying heavily, getting high, paying for tattoos and piercings but not saving enough to make their car payments - and no, I didn't bail them out. The whole while, of course, their dad couldn't resist jabs at me whenever my name came up in their presence.

Although I've never hated my kids, I have had intense anger, felt betrayed and hurt, and sometimes wished I could lash out. During those two years, I answered their phone calls, but did not initiate any except when they asked me to, and I told them why.

Eventually, they started to understand some of my thinking and our relationships have improved, but I remain cautious and uphold my boundaries. My youngest daughter recently told my new husband that she, her sister, and her dad had treated me badly. Her admission surprised me, but it also gave me hope.

Is it worth it to have kids? My opinion is that for the most part it is, but that it can also prove to be very difficult if you discover other trusted adults working against your relationship with your kids.

endlessgrief

This is a generalization, but I think men and women view having kids very differently. For the man, he may think his "fun" life is over. He looks at the expenses, the lack of sex, sleep, etc. They tend to think more logically and not emotionally.

A woman carries the child and loves that child before they even meet. Taking care of a child you want is not work for a woman, it is a natural loving act. Men will never understand this bond because they don't give birth.

If your husband has friends who ***** about their lives being over because of kids, perhaps they shouldn't have become a father. And these "fathers of the year" aren't doing you nor your husband any favors by scaring him about children.

On a personal note, I view children like your husbands friends. I know I feel this way and no matter how many people would say "you would make a great mom" the thought of having kids makes me recoil in horror. So I have many pets to be maternal to.

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The snake is notoriously tempting
But the snake is fair.
What is worse than not knowing?
To live or disappear?

MrsKy

I love my lil fur munchkin.

I suppose that many of my reasons for not wanting children are more on the logical side.