General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I don't hate my kids but there is some truth to this.
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Originally Posted by bogey
'they rob you of your life and your dreams.
We give up a lot for our children and for the first couple of years they're sort of like "things in diapers". Then around age 2 or so they stop crapping their pants, they become responsive to you, they're like real people. For the next 10 years perhaps you'll enjoy quality family time and they'll take on the same interests as you and you'll have fun, sometimes despite your best interests they have no interest in doing anything you like to do.. and at any rate by the time they're 12 or 13 they think you're an idiot and don't want anything to do with you except ask for money and later on the car keys.
Even if things go relatively smoothly they never, ever appreciate what their parents have done for them, it's almost like a sense of entitlement and yes, I'm sure we have done the same to our parents.
I don't hate my kids; after a rough few years during my divorce, my eldest is back in my life, although my youngest hasn't spoken to me in quite some time- but I do realize I gave up a lot for them and if I was going to do it again, no marriage and no kids.
It's never good to do anything out of fear or anxiety about the future.
A couple days ago I was visiting my guy at his neuro rehabn facility and went into a woman's room to help her because of the situation you describe. Even if you have children, they are not going to be at the nursing home 100% of the time. So obviously therer will be times when only the staff are available to help with toileting, and yes, what you describe might happen, or perhaps the universe will provide someone.
When my guy was at the hospital, my kids and I befriended one of his roommates, an older gentleman who had no visitors. We gifted him a pair of nice slippers with sheepskin liners and a sturdy sole with rubber gripping on it (safety.) We visited him even he moved to another room and even after my guy left that hospital. We wanted him to leave this world wearing footwear that had been gifted out of love, even by strangers.
Children might visit out of duty, but if you get visitors and well-wishers who are not obliged, how is that a bad thing?
Sh*t happens. You could have children and they could have dementia or like my son he had occult spina bifida if it hadn't been diagnosed finally after 7 years he would still be largely incontinent.
I have a friend who takes care of her brother, he has Down's and he is old because she took such good care of him. But there are p**p problems and he is getting dementia. She never had children, but I don't think she spends much time worrying about who will take care of her. She has done so much for other people running her rehabilitation ranch that offers services to people with handicaps, that she doesn't have to worry much.
People can connect with their spiritual children. They can also have very good friends who are younger than them, or who have capabilities to help, regardless of age.
It's a false assumption to have children with an intent to have someone to take care of you in old age. It doesn't work out that way...it's only the illusion and belief that provides relief from anxious anticipation.
It can work out that way...but I think it's wrong to procreate out of fear.
It was a bit tongue in cheek my comment on having my kids wipe my butt at the nursing home. I honestly do not have any expectation of that for my son. I would like (not expect) that at the end of my time on this earth he, his wife and my grand kids visit me to say goodbye so the last image I see is the faces of the people who I love. Nothing more, nothing less.
My grandfather went this way and it was a "beautiful death" and its how I would like to go.
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I feel sorry for those with depression, mental illness, hangnails, bad hair, bad childhood memories, etc. I feel sorry for the visually impaired but that doesn't mean I want a blind person flying my airplane and my compassion won't make the flight any safer.
They only turn into monsters if you suck at parenting (or if they have a mental illness like autism).
One of my friends is a single mom, and it looks like she has an easier time raising her son than most couples have. She and her son get along great because it's always very clear who is in charge. Bad behavior is not tolerated at all, so he's a pretty good kid. He knows what the rules are and he follows them.
It doesn't seem to kill her social life. We still party at her place sometimes. One can play music at any volume and her son will sleep through it.
Exactly. My son was taught from an early age that bad behavior will not be tolerated ever and good bahavior will open the flood gates to rewards. He's caught on to this fact and is a very wel behaved boy. The best thing is that he knows who is boss and that is why so many parents fail today. They want to be friends instead of parents.
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I feel sorry for those with depression, mental illness, hangnails, bad hair, bad childhood memories, etc. I feel sorry for the visually impaired but that doesn't mean I want a blind person flying my airplane and my compassion won't make the flight any safer.
Man, I was a kid hater and had vowed to never have kids, scared of pregnancy and labor and had absolutely convinced myself that I was too selfish and wanted to do too much else to slow down and have kids.
I was just brand new married when I got pregnant by sheer miracle and decided to keep the little booger. The parent gene just turned on in me and I couldn't be happier. It doesn't hurt that I'm really close to my parents and had a good dynamic to watch growing up.
My little man is 19 months and just getting cooler by the day. Today he slurped down 1/4 of my pho and showed me he knows what up and down is with his spoon. I had no idea I'd find such joy in hearing "up, down" while eating lunch. Child rearing is difficult, and my dreams have changed a little bit (mostly I want to bring the little man with us to India now) but just watching the world through his eyes almost always makes up for getting beat up with baby fists all day. My dreams are still there, I want to be able to show him how to dream big too.
I think having kids is what you make of it, and if you don't want them, there is no shame in that either, everyone also needs a kick-ass auntie or uncle who just brings them stuff and brings parents an adult respite.
Welcome to modern society. It's not my fault! Someone else is responsible for this mess!
Like teachers! It's all the teachers' faults! LOL You wouldn't believe how many parents ask me what to do with their kid. Um...i dunno...I just teach. YOU are the one who pushed him out.
Like teachers! It's all the teachers' faults! LOL You wouldn't believe how many parents ask me what to do with their kid. Um...i dunno...I just teach. YOU are the one who pushed him out.
"Have you tried giving him adderall?"
(adderall is prescription amphetamine - it makes math very interesting and fun)
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Sure, we can't go off on long vacations but i didn't even do that when i was childless.
I don't do that either. I find that I go nuts if I stay away from work too long. It seems to work better if I just take 1 day at a time. It's a slow work period and I don't feel like working? Vacation day. The company benefits from this as well. Would they rather I take vacation in summer at the same time as everyone else or is it better to take single days off when there's not much work to do?
Accusing your kid of robbing you is like blaming your boat for your poor financial situation. Kids don't make themselves and boats don't buy themselves. If you're a married guy does it really matter if your life and finances get consumed by two or three small humans or by one adult? It's not like you'd get to keep either.
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Re: Hating Your Kids 
Um...i dunno...I just teach. YOU are the one who pushed him out.
