General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
WOW! Thanks MRK for posting that ... I dont think OP needs to post a summary thread any more.
The root issue here is certainly NOT 'fixing the problem' but RUNNING away from the problem itself. Probably OP knows in his heart that he does need to RUN but is probably worried about how she will react and try to mess up his life thereafter.
OP, without a doubt you need to go far far away from this GF of yours in case you are still not sure. Think about it.. Most likely you would want to have kids someday. This is a dangerous woman to keep your kids in the vicinity of. Not only is she mentally unstable, but also is a threatening blackmailer. That is quite scary. If I were in your place, I would be the one scared to sleep with her on one bed. Plan out your exit and do what you have to for that.
Set up a spy cam and record the going ons for awhile.. that way you have visual evidence on what SHE does and she can no longer blackmail you. Don't tell her about it though... but if she DOES try to blackmail you .. you always have something you can pull up and use against her to prove your NOT an abusive man.
I've read your previous threads! WHY are you still with this psycho-woman?
You were advised in January to get an attorney because this woman has physically attacked you!!! And she threatened to blackmail you with phony abuse charges! NOW she wants to move her bed in there, too? You'll NEVER get rid of this leech!
She's abusive, insanely jealous, she doesn't work, fights with you constantly and is generally psychotic!
Next time she's gone from the house for more than one hour:
1.) Call a locksmith (promise him double or triple his usual rate to be there within 15-20 minutes), have him CHANGE the locks.
2.) Call the police when she shows up and can't get in. Tell them she is now you EX-GF, her name is NOT on the mortgage/lease, and you want her out PERMANENTLY.
3.) Get a Restraining Order against her. Law Enforcement will decide on a date/time she can come collect her belongings under supervision. (While you're waiting for that day to arrive, you might want to check through her stuff and find out where she hid your cajones....you've apparently mis-laid them.)
4.) Contact an attorney over the threatened blackmail and protect yourself.
There are plenty of NORMAL women out there for you who do NOT abuse, work to contribute a fair share, know how to be in an adult relationship, and are NOT psychotic.
What is it going to take for you to WAKE UP? A stint in jail on phony abuse charges? A stay in the hospital with a concussion? Loss of your job because of her false allegations? You've worked HARD to get where you are professionally; and you're going to let this SICK WOMAN screw you out of all that?!?
If this is YOUR idea of LOVE, then YOU need help as badly as she does!
PS: Have you ever contacted her LAST boyfriend to find out (a) what kind of hell she rained down on him? and (b) how he finally got her out of his life? I'm sure it would be VERY ENLIGHTENING!
Again, I appreciate the responses. There are obviously a lot of issues between myself, her and our relationship that need to be handled by/with a professional. I can only come on here so many times and write about my relationship and get the same advice from the over whelming majority of users before the forums starts ignoring me (and rightfully so). Its easy from the outside to see the clearest options, but for some reason neither her or I can.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SlowlyGettingWiser
PS: Have you ever contacted her LAST boyfriend to find out (a) what kind of hell she rained down on him? and (b) how he finally got her out of his life? I'm sure it would be VERY ENLIGHTENING!
Interesting enough he just bought a house four houses down from her parents house, the place she lived at when they dated . He is now married so it is not as if he is trying to get back with her, but if he had a similar experience as myself I do not think he would move so close to her. And she has made no mention of similar problems between them, so it leads me to realize that I am part of the problem as well, if not most of it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SlowlyGettingWiser
(While you're waiting for that day to arrive, you might want to check through her stuff and find out where she hid your cajones....you've apparently mis-laid them.)
Again, I appreciate the responses. There are obviously a lot of issues between myself, her and our relationship that need to be handled by/with a professional. I can only come on here so many times and write about my relationship and get the same advice from the over whelming majority of users before the forums starts ignoring me (and rightfully so). Its easy from the outside to see the clearest options, but for some reason neither her or I can.
Do you ever watch Cops on tv? If you do, then you've seen what your relationship looks like from the outside too. You're living in domestic abuse. You're an educated man, you know this without a doubt. What you aren't ready to do is leave it and acknowledge it for what it is... a toxic relationship that you nor she needs to be in. You aren't good for each other. Pure and simple. Like oil and water don't mix, neither do you and this woman.
Sleeping with the enemy is what you're doing Munson. You know it. But the payoff you get from this is worth more to you than leaving it.
Thank you all for the responses, its very interesting to see the different side both hers, mine, and you all's.
Unfortunately I cannot afford a new bed right now. Mine is less than two years old and foam memory so it is really comftorable. She helped me pick it out, I even went with the one she liked more than the one I liked for when we did move in together. Hers is 15 years old and has holes in. Like fist sized holes. Any time I sleep in it I wake up feeling like I fell down a flight of stairs.
The sleep mask might not be a bad idea, I can suggest trying that out.
The fightning is bad but that is more an issue for a therapist. I have told her we should go to one. Now I just need to make the appointment.
With these new points I will go home and try to have an objective conversation about the issue, thanks for the help!
When a woman is truly in love with a man, she would sleep with him if his bed was a pile of rocks.
Trying to figure out who sleeps I which bed is like stopping to put a band-aide on a heart attack victim who skinned his knee when he collapsed clutching his chest. It's not your biggest issue. I would go even further, and suggest by putting some distance between the two of you, it might make a breakup easier.
Again, I appreciate the responses. There are obviously a lot of issues between myself, her and our relationship that need to be handled by/with a professional. I can only come on here so many times and write about my relationship and get the same advice from the over whelming majority of users before the forums starts ignoring me (and rightfully so). Its easy from the outside to see the clearest options, but for some reason neither her or I can.
Interesting enough he just bought a house four houses down from her parents house, the place she lived at when they dated . He is now married so it is not as if he is trying to get back with her, but if he had a similar experience as myself I do not think he would move so close to her. And she has made no mention of similar problems between them, so it leads me to realize that I am part of the problem as well, if not most of it.
Its funny, cause its true.
Don't blame yourself to support her behavior. Maybe you have been a complete jerk with her, but hitting you and blackmailing you is not what someone would do in response... she would have broken up with you assuming you were not good to her. That is what normal people do.
As for the EX-BF, buying a house close to her parent's house doesn't prove anything. And certainly she wouldn't be the one to tell you if she had in fact caused issues for him. What SlowlyGettingWiser mentioned was to contact the EX-BF and get details from him. I think that would be a good idea if you think the TAM members are not being fair in evaluating your GF.
A bed issue is just a bandaid covering up the real issue, which is that you two have bad coping skills that COULD get fixed so she'd never even want to leave your bed. Read His Needs Her Needs by Harley.
she has made no mention of similar problems between them
What do you expect her to say, "Yeah, I've always been a crazy-psycho b!tch"??? For all YOU know he may have a Restraining Order against her and fear of arrest is the only thing keeping her away from him!
My primary question would be, WHY haven't you even taken the first step and contacted an attorney yet? It's not as if she would even find out; the attorney can contact you at work and send any/all mailings to your office. You know she won't find them there....she doesn't even work! So, why not even the first step yet? No-one expects you to clean this mess up in a week, but YOU'VE got to be willing to TAKE THE FIRST STEP. That's the way you get out of these messes, one step at a time.
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Re: She Wants Seperate Beds 
