tacoma

This is crazy.

I`m one that said my wife would be saved before my child IF IN CHILDBIRTH I HAD TO MAKE A CHOICE.

This seems perfectly reasonable to me (Although "reasonable" is not prevalent in this thread) as I have no attachment to this child who hasn`t even been born yet.

My wife on the other hand is my world, the child I never even met.

We could go on to have many children if I saved my wife.
Without her I`m raising a child alone in the world.

Any other choice is stupid to me.

Now if a maniac came in my house right now and put a gun to my wife and child's head I`d be choosing my child.
Again, because this is reasonable to me for sooo many reasons.

My child is eleven and has the potential to live a fantastic fulfilling life.
My wife has had 40+ years of life.
My wife would hate me if she witnessed the death of our child done so on my say so.
We wouldn`t survive as a couple after such an event.

This of course is all moot and not at all the point of this thread but ...meh, do we ever stay on point?

Tall Average Guy

That you cannot understand that only shows your arrogance. There are clearly situations where to die trying is stupid and would only result in the loss of your life with no hope of actually saving the person. Yet in your self righteous assurance, you would spit in the face of a person who did not meet what you perceive to be the correct decision, despite you knowing nothing of the facts. I sincerely hope you do not plan to pass down that level of judgment to your children.

Edit - I should also add that you provided a clear "answer" to who should be saved first, and noted that someone who did not save the child first did not deserve to be called a father. I am not seeing much in the way of understanding of others view points there.

Lyris

If my husband saved me instead of one of our girls from a submerged car I don't think I could forgive him. He is one who would try to save us all to the point of killing himself, but I am confident that if it really really came down to it, he would save our daughters. It's part of why I love him.

I don't need to come first in all the world to him. I'm fine with third place!

I know he'd choose me in the childbirth scenario though, not that that ever really happens anymore. Neither he or I fully bonded with our babies until they were born.

Vanton68

This guy NC Special Forces soldier dies trying to save kids | Eyewitness News 9 is a true hero. Such a tragic story, but I wouldn't say what he did was pointless.

I am a passionate person, and I apologize if I have offended. I am not able to accept failure in the life-or-death scenario; if I did fail, my price would be my very life. Tall- the only thing these girls are being handed down, is my unwavering commitment to their safety and security.

As far as every day life, there has to be a balance as some posters have pointed out.

that_girl

A father's bond doesn't always last either.

I was left by my father at age 2 and then by my step-father at age 18.

So...I dunno. It's not always so black and white.

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that_girl

And as far as the situation is concerned, none of us can really say what we'd do until we're in the situation. Maybe the daughter was more difficult to get out...should he have focused on that and let both of them die?

I don't judge that shet. He did what he thought he could do. God forbid ANY of us are ever in that situation and then judged for our choice. Geebus.

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that_girl

I agree with you in that situation. You can always make another baby...can't make another wife. (Not the one you have anyway).

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waiwera

Wow...imagine how many seconds he had to make that decision. One that he no doubt thinks about every day. Poor man.

I think today my H would save me but only because I'm the smallest and probably the weakest in my house nowadays. When the boys were babies and children I would have wanted him to try and save them before me and I know he feels the same.

But Heck... what a nightmare situation to be in.

jaquen

He did save his loved one. His wife. Maybe he has a stronger bond with his wife than you do yours, so it's impossible for you to fathom that in that split second he chose her.

Or maybe it was an excruciating, impossible choice, and there was a greater chance of saving his wife than their daughter, and he chose to save one instead of letting them ALL die as he tried to do the impossible.

Your reaction amazes me in that you don't have the details, yet have completely judged another human being you don't know, who was put in the kind of position most people could never fathom.

blessedtatormom

A happy marriage, and happy parents, make happy kids, in my opinion. Our kids are still in the toddler/pre-k stage, but I guess since we get enough breaks from them now we enjoy 99% of it and find their meltdowns to be hysterical. We're lucky to live right next to a drop in day care The first year of our first child was a big adjustment, but our youngest was born 12months later and we didn't feel that there was any adjustment at all with our second. Clearly we didn't have any issue in the intimacy department after having kids. It's actually a lot more fun and spontaneous after having kids! Going from a couple to a family naturally comes with an adjustment period. I married my husband when I was 19 and he was 26, right at the end of his military commitment. He had served quite awhile in an Army SpecOps unit (lots of deployments) and came out with some moderate/severe PTSD issues, and we worked through them. I ended up developing autoimmune problems after our youngest was born, but we got it all under control. Needless to say we had our challenges, but we face(d) them as a team. Outside of the 3 A's(Abuse, Adultry, Addiction to illegal drugs) divorce is not an option for us. We definitely put our marriage first, and as a result we are the best parents possible to our kids. My husband got his B.A. after leaving the military and then I went to nursing school during his last few yrs. We did this with 2 infants and zero support(at the time) outside of each other. My husband is now going back to school doing an acclerated MSN program, so that he can still have a successful career, but also have more family time. I'm very lucky that I met a man who places a priority on our marriage and family, but also provides very well and is very driven. I guess we're busy. I'm in my MSN program too. Things are much less so than when our kids were little though. We have no problem finding time to enjoy our marriage.

After almost 7yrs, I still tell my husband 'thank you' every time he takes me out or does something special for me. He also tells me every day that I'm beautiful, he loves me, etc and now our son's tell me that too. They definitely pick up on how daddy treats mommy! He always does thoughtful things for me, as I do for him, and I make sure to let him know how much I appreciate it. We're now trying for our 3rd baby and he's beyond excited about it. He loved when I was pregnant though. My husband is a guy who is very comfortable talking about emotions and is all about open communication. There was a time, about 2 months ago, when I sat down next to him and said, "our sex life has sucked the past few weeks". We then quickly remedied the situation. Love, respect, and being comofortable/encouraging with open communication is key. As long as you've got that, kids will enhance your relationship, not hurt it. Obviously there are a lot of spouses that might have been offended if their other half said something like that. To my husband it was just like, "okay let's go!".